Terry Swanson: Quite a crew here. It’s good. And well, we’re going to wait just we’re going to stall a little bit because there might be some getting out a little bit late.

And so we’re going to do you know what this is on or you just wanted to be down here in the library? Do you know what this session is about? Self-control.

See, most everybody is self-controlled. That’s why they’re not down here. And of course, I’m an expert on it.

That’s why I’m teaching it. Ah, we met? Okay, yeah, Fletcher, you take care of them for me.

That’s good. Did you just get out, Lindsay, pretty much? Which one were you in?

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on in, fill in.

Help yourself. Come on in. Get where you can see the monitor.

Can you see the monitor? We should have hung it from the ceiling. That would have helped, but we got as high as we could.

Come on in. Good thing we waited. Make sure you have a handout.

Not a lot of blanks on it. I just wanted you to have something in your hand as well, something that you can take notes on if something strikes your fancy

and would be a help to you. I realize that not everybody here has a problem with self-control. You’re just wanting to know how to be able to explain it to somebody else, right?

All right. That’s good. Okay.

Well, my name is Terry Swanson. I’m the dean of men in the college. And we’re going to, for the next few minutes, talk about self-control,

what it is and what it isn’t, and maybe how we can get it. Self-control.

Can we really be completely under control? Well, just a minute here when we feel like… Come on in.

We’re good. Hi, Katie. Got a handout for you, Katie, right here.

I just don’t want… Can everybody see that okay? I mean, you might have to shift.

you won’t want to miss it really so it’ll be exciting it’s only about three and a half minutes long but it’ll be good

make sure you have a handout everybody have a handout come on in

come on in find a seat or stand in the back

Exercising self-control in a gimme-gimme world. Is it really the world that’s the problem for our self-control? Is the world the problem?

Come on in, guys. either down the hall or this way. What do we got down the hall?

Wildfire, whatever that is. Sounds good. Wildfire is down the hall.

This is exercising self-control. Everybody have a handout? Fletcher’s got the stack there.

Okay, we’re probably just about ready. On your handout there, under the title, there’s a verse,

Proverbs 25, 28. He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls. We have to ask ourselves, is that my life?

Is that characteristic of me? And it probably isn’t everything in your life. There’s probably some things that you are totally under control about.

Like, I don’t know, if your mom put cauliflower on your plate, would you be under control? You wouldn’t just go crazy over that, right? You couldn’t just stop eating?

You wouldn’t have a problem with that, right? Total control. There are just some things that are not so much a problem for us.

Are you with me? There are just some things that aren’t an issue. But there might be some things that are.

And there are always those tests. Those tests are important. And taking the object away doesn’t necessarily give us victory.

That’s interesting. Well, I’ve got a little video. When I saw this, I thought, okay, we can use this.

So I’m going to give it a shot, I think. We’re going to give it a shot here to see if we can get this to play. I’m working on it.

I’m getting there. the marshmallow test you got to love it anybody ever heard of the marshmallow test okay a few a handful good some have taken child psychology let me explain 1960 stanford university

That would make it authentic. Stanford University in Southern California, a couple of Jewish psychologists decided to take it to have a test.

Stanford University at that time, probably still does, had kind of a childcare attached to the university and they’d use it. They’d utilize that to do testing.

It was all pretty benign. They didn’t hurt the kids. But, I mean, that is debatable by what we see here.

These kids were changed forever. But anyway, what they did is they took children, four to probably seven, maybe even eight years old,

but somewhere, mostly four or five years old, and they brought them into a room one at a time, mostly one at a time, and they would tell them,

they would show them a marshmallow, and they would say, this is yours. This is your marshmallow.

You know, big, fat. marshmallow. How many of you that would really be a problem, that marshmallow?

You’ve outgrown it, haven’t you? But if I had a bonfire right here, it’d be a problem.

If I had some chocolate and some graham crackers, that would be an issue. Okay.

All right, you’re with me again. Well, they put a marshmallow in front of the child, you know, four or five years old, and said,

you can eat that if you want. I’m going to leave the room. You can eat it.

If you don’t eat it, By the time I come back, then I’ll give you an extra one. You can have two.

So you can have one now or two. It’s up to you. They wouldn’t tell them how long they’d be gone.

They would just leave. Stay in the chair, sit there. And then, of course, what the kids would do would just crack you up, you know.

And they found that really only about a third of them made it. They never told them how long they would be gone, but it was 15 minutes. You know, 15 minutes to a 4-year-old with a marshmallow in front of them,

that’s like, you know, they’d be ready for college by the time they were done with that. And what this is is not that test. This is not 1960.

But this test has been replicated many times over the years. And this is a replication of that original test. You’re going to watch it.

This is authentic. And it’s only about 3 1⁄2 minutes long.

Participant: Okay, sit in that chair. Alright, here’s the deal. Marshmallow, for you.

You can either wait, and I’ll give you another one if you wait, or you can eat it now. When I come back, I’ll give you another one, so that you don’t have to. But stay in here and stay in the chair until I come back, okay?

Alright. Okay. Thank you.

All right, it’s up to you. You can have it now or you can wait. Okay?

Look at that. Play in the chair, okay? Okay.

All right, so I’m going to leave and then I’ll come back, okay? You can either be here right now or you can wait. Either way, okay?

Okay. How’d you do? Did you do good?

You did? You wanted to eat it, didn’t you? Yeah.

So did I tell you to give you another one? Okay. I can have both.

Give me them.

Terry Swanson: that’s pretty interesting it’s like not out of the mouth of babes it’s into the mouth of babes all right what did you learn from that what uh what did you learn observation give me some observations anything they were trying really hard yeah for the most part right some harder than

others? Wasn’t it pretty clear? Okay.

Okay, say it again. Think about it. Okay.

Just saying. Was that helpful? Did we do that?

something else keep going it’s good observations oh come on yes yeah that was really good that’s a good observation i wondered if somebody would

would think of that they had to be in the chair you know we would have said go play with the ball would have been easy. You know, leave the room.

But they couldn’t. They weren’t supposed to get out of the chair.

And each one that we saw anyway obeyed that. They stayed in the chair with that object right in front of them.

Okay. Anybody else? Observations?

Did it help to get a little taste of it. Maybe that helped.

Probably not. Like was already mentioned, smell, touch, taste. Do you know that you and I each have an object like that?

We just do. At least one. We’re going

to talk about that. The interesting thing about this is that it is documented. These, of course,

again this is a more modern version of the original test which was actually very famous even to this day if you were studying psychology you would you would understand it you would know about it and the men the psychologists looked went back years later at different points

in history and looked up these people again now grown and they they asked them questions but now they’re tracking them. What are they like?

So at four and five, six, if they had self-control, if they did, did that have any bearing on their life after that? Anything?

Or did it not matter? And it is well documented, the difference in the lives of these children when they were grown. 1960, those kids are older than I am.

They checked their ACT, SAT scores, how they did in college, now how they’re doing in life,

and guess what they found? In 2011, I think it was, they took several of them and scanned their brains.

Scanned their brains! Couldn’t do that in 1960, not because they didn’t have any brains,

because we didn’t have the means to scan it. They scanned their brains to discover, literally, that there was, can I say it this way,

just simply a lot more going on up there to those who could control themselves. Just a simple thing like a marshmallow.

Are you kidding me? ACT scores? Yeah.

Amazing. It’s well documented. Do you know that you and I have tests?

If you’ve got your sheet there in front of you, I thought I’d keep it pretty simple because I’d rather just have a,

just for us to talk and contemplate more than, I don’t know, more than be academic here. Your first blank there, the marshmallow.

The marshmallow. The test of our self-control requires a desired object, a marshmallow. You know that?

There are things that you are drawn to that are a desired object for you. They have no bearing on your siblings. they look at you and say, what in the world?

Seriously? That? You know, your parents, whatever, they don’t understand.

But for each of us, and is a marshmallow immoral? I tell you to stick two in your mouth at the same time. That’s got to be a problem.

There must be a Bible verse on that. No, no, no, no. Listen, a marshmallow, it doesn’t have to be an immoral thing.

It doesn’t have to be drugs. It doesn’t have to be alcohol. It doesn’t have to be something immoral.

It certainly can be. Frankly, if we don’t get the victory over those things that are not immoral, we are probably going to have a problem in the moral arena.

We just are. Because we can’t say no. What are we having to say no to?

The marshmallow? Is that what these kids are struggling with? The marshmallow?

Who are they struggling with? Self. it’s me

the control is within well what about what about just taking the marshmallow away

wouldn’t that fix it does that fix it David you’re shaking your head no

why doesn’t that fix it good job good job

you know in this case is are dying over this little marshmallow thing in front of them.

But it’s not really the marshmallow. It’s an inanimate object. It’s not reaching out to them.

It’s not doing anything. It’s just sitting there. All of that tension, you know, I love these kids.

Some of them are trying to just distract themselves, knocking on their heads like this, They’re jumping up and down, doing this like this.

It’s really cute. Probably wise. They’re trying to distract themselves because there’s this pull, and it’s strong.

And for you and me, there is something. There’s no question. There’s at least one thing.

You may be thinking of something right now. You know, and I’ve got a text here that we could use any number of texts, but notice your second blank there, the first one.

The test of our self-control requires a desired object. Colossians 3, 5, and 6. 5 through 9, really.

And then I’ve added some more verses even beyond that. Verse 5, Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth,

fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

For which things, objects’ sake, the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience, into which he also walked sometime when he lived in them.

You know, I’m presumptive here this morning to say, you know, we’re probably all born again here. I trust that’s the case.

If it isn’t, you definitely need to get that settled before you go home. But we’re trusting that’s the case. You know, then I’ll tell you, this right here applies to you.

You’re a child of God. The earlier verses of Colossians 3 says this, Set your affections on things above,

not on things on the earth. That’s exactly what we’re talking about here. Whatever that marshmallow is for you,

you’ve got an affection for it that doesn’t belong there. I don’t care what it is. If you’ve got affections for something on this earth,

then your affection is misplaced. Set your affections on things above, not on things on the earth.

Can anybody get the next phrase of that verse for me? Or the next verse? For ye are, what is the word?

Dead. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.

For ye are dead. How much would you like a marshmallow then? right?

Inordinate affections are gone. Marshmallow doesn’t mean a thing. Well, I am crucified with Christ.

Is that dead or alive? That’s not a trick question. That really isn’t a trick question.

I understand you’ve probably never seen a crucifixion, but if you had, you’d know. Is that dead or alive?

That’s dead. I am crucified, not should be, not shall be.

If you’re, if you’re born again, you’re a child of God, then you are present reality. I am, I’m dead.

I’m crucified with Christ. Nevertheless, I live. Yep.

You and I are here. We’ve got a heartbeat, you know, fairly warm. Good.

I mean, you all look like you have a heartbeat. It looks good.

I am crucified with Christ. Nevertheless, I live yet. not I.

That’s pretty important. Now you’re going to find out how much of your life is yours and how much of it is Christ living out inside of you.

For you’re dead and your life is hid with Christ in God. Christ is the answer. Self-control

on our own is impossible. It’s impossible. Do you know that men and women used to lock themselves

in monasteries and convents to gain control? Do you know that?

I think they probably still do it around the world and places. Being very pious, very religious, I think they had really good motives for what they were doing.

I think they recognized, I myself, I’m going to mess things up. I’m going to go up somewhere.

I’m going to lock myself in a monastery or convent. I’m going to become a monk. I’m going to deny myself all of the worldly objects,

and I’ll be all set. Right? No marshmallows.

Right? Does that fix it? No, because we lock the problem inside with us.

Right? Right? It’s in here.

Inordinate affections. Affections that are not set on things above. You know the marshmallow is not a problem.

You know the worst thing you can do for a child is try to remove everything that is a problem for them. That’s the worst thing you can do.

I understand removing things that might hurt them, harm them, you know, hot pans and dishes and electrical outlets.

And I get it, sharp knives. But just as far as we didn’t move the candy dishes. You don’t want to remove, I’m not saying you got to put them out there and say, you know,

like it’s a minefield for them. But I’m just saying you got things in your home, you just remember that.

You don’t want to necessarily remove everything. A no should be sufficient.

And then watch them. Because you want to help them develop so that they’re not living for themselves, all about themselves.

But of course, we’re talking not about them right now. We’re talking about us. The problem is we can be very much like what we’re seeing here.

So I want to just run back down through some of the things that you saw here in the marshmallow test. So I’ve got a little PowerPoint here.

All right, hang on just a second. Here we go. Here’s another example of self-control.

You ever seen that one? This is supposedly, allegedly, the last day of graduation for these police dogs. This is the test of whether they are under control enough to be on a police force.

I don’t know whether it’s accurate or not. It’s funny. It’s out on the Internet.

There it is. And you can see the marshmallow, can’t you? I’m telling you, if that cat only knew.

The amount of self-control that’s there, I don’t know what’s holding those dogs back. Maybe they put some kind of skunk scent on the cat.

I don’t know. He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls.

We all have the marshmallows. The question is, what condition are the marshmallows in in our life? it was talked about somebody mentioned the gaze

the gaze is it wise for us to gaze at those desired objects what happens if we do does it help no it doesn’t help

it by itself may not be the sin, but it’s certainly leading to it. The temptation is there, and we are, can we put it this way, entering in to temptation. And we might go cross-eyed in the process.

The gaze. How about the whiff? It’s kind of a progression.

One leads to another. Then, amazingly, without looking, the feel. I’m telling you, we laughed at it, but how true is this?

And somehow, we can justify because of something. In this case, well, I’m not looking at it. So we’ve got some justification.

We’re like, we feel like we’re winning in this arena because we’re not fully yet indulging. It’s a quick glance.

It’s something short. I’m not allowing myself to completely enter in. But boy, aren’t we getting there.

It’s a progression. And then, of course, the smooch. Classic.

Set your affections. Is there some affections there? I now pronounce you.

Marshmallow and husband. You may kiss. The marshmallow.

I don’t know. How about this one? Love not the world,

neither the things that are in the world. Is that somewhere in the Bible? If any man loved the world,

the love of the Father is where? It’s not in him. Why?

Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with how much of your heart? All. You know, if you’re smooching something on this earth like that, that desired object,

God doesn’t have all your affection. Well, then we go to the next step. That’s the nibble.

And we had some nibblers, didn’t we? One, two. That’s a progression.

temptation, three, four, boy, that was a common one. If I could just get a little bit of it, I’ll be satisfied, right?

Wrong. And actually entered into the temptation. And then full indulgence.

You know, it is amazing. This little girl, maybe younger than most of them there. She really doesn’t look hardly even four.

And do you notice she ate around the hole and left the center and put it back. Like, do you think she was full?

Okay, I’m full. I don’t need anything. Like, she knew.

And somehow she felt like, I’ve won. I did what I was asked to do.

Right? Otherwise, she just ate the whole thing. But she failed.

And it is the cutest thing, and yet it’s not. we’re talking about a child who’s going to grow up and according to the the tests and of course

unless the lord gets a hold of her heart and he can do a transforming work but she’s on a course of self-indulgence and she’s kidding herself in other words in other words what if that’s not a marshmallow what if that’s a young man you tell me what her life is like what if it’s not a young

man. What if it’s, uh, what if it’s alcohol? What if it’s illicit drugs?

It’s not so cute anymore, is it? It’s not really that funny.

I understand. I understand. And then, you

know, even beyond indulgence is disregard. And it was stunning. I mean, when I first

saw this thing, I was howling with laughter when I got to this point. I couldn’t believe it.

The lady is there giving her the instruction. It’s still rolling out of her mouth. It was

hilarious. She’s following, you know, of course, the, you know, the, the teacher here, the tester, she’s just following protocol.

This is what we do. And this is what we say. And they’re

writing, jotting things down, but this is a real life setting here. And look at this girl, she’s hearing it.

And while she’s hearing it, she’s already eating it. I know it’s funny. It’s good that it’s funny.

Think about it. I’m laughing too. But it’s terrible.

You tell me what this girl’s going to grow up to be like. Fixated. Not on the instruction.

She doesn’t even just eat around the outside and put the center down. She takes the clean plate with her and gets down. I don’t know if she went and asked for more.

I don’t know. Total disregard. Do you know that somewhere that’s in there?

On that desired object, there’s a disregard. You are hearing instruction. You go to church.

Hello? No, you go to church. You go to church.

You live in a house with a mom and dad. You’re getting instruction. And if you’re indulging at the same time,

then there’s disregard. You might make it look a little better than she can. You know that God, it doesn’t look any different.

And that’s not the tester right there. that’s the Lord giving you instruction right now and we’re just fixated and we’re just going to eat it.

I’m just going to eat it right now. You keep talking. Pastor, you keep preaching.

I’m going to keep eating. Hello? What are we thinking?

Wow. I love this. I just had to put this in there.

Almost, but no, he set it back down. Willpower. Okay.

Look, I want to get to the answer. What is the answer? Who can tell me?

You articulate to me what is the answer. Is the answer removing the marshmallows? No, because there’s always going to be marshmallows.

You are not going to get a life of no marshmallows. are you not going to happen do you know that there was a marshmallow in the garden of eden i’m telling you there was s’mores

i’ll be called a heretic here i’ll keep going what was the marshmallow in the garden of eden what’s it called the tree of knowledge of good and evil right there it is god said here it is it’s right on a plate it’s right in the middle of the garden is that right who put that there

like who put it there come on you know god put it there right and then he said no and he left the room. How’d they do?

I think he only said no one time. I don’t think he put a sign in front of it. He didn’t dig a moat around it.

He didn’t put alligators. Tyrannosaurus rex. It wouldn’t have mattered.

They were cute and cuddly and, you know, it wouldn’t have mattered, right? But he didn’t put it on the top of a mountain.

He didn’t stick it on an island out in the middle of whatever, right? It would have been nice if it had been on the moon. It wasn’t.

It wasn’t even outside the garden. It was inside the garden. It wasn’t on the corner of the garden.

It was right in the middle. They couldn’t miss it. There it is.

You’re not going to be able to miss yours either. You’re not supposed to. Because the battle’s in here.

we’re not going to sterilize God’s not going to sterilize your world for you but he is

promising you enough more than enough way more than enough

to be able to not only say no right here in these verses verse 5 of Colossians 3

mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection and evil concupiscence, and covetousness.

The Tenth Commandment, which is idolatry, covetousness. Let me ask you something.

Are they coveting? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Okay. How about those that even didn’t partake?

Could they still have been coveting? Yes, yes, in this. They definitely wanted a reward.

That’s good. That’s good. You know what?

We’re promised a reward too. Far greater than just another marshmallow. Right?

Oh, boy. See, at some point, our tester’s going to come too. The door’s going to open.

There he is. How’d you do? He’s going to know because he’s writing it all down.

and rewards, 1 Corinthians 3, are going to be given. They are going to be given. Okay, now, what is the hope that you and I have

of not partaking in these marshmallows, not grabbing them and, you know, and honestly, get this, get this,

not even coveting them. That’s where you and I have to win. You understand it’s there.

you know the kids you know i love the kid getting up and looking on the other side like what’s on the other side of the marshmallow it’s more marshmallow like i hope he maybe he thought there would be mold on the other side and he just wouldn’t want it anymore i don’t know

he gets up and he looks around the thing and but you know it what what the lord has promised us is that we’ll look at the marshmallow and it has no effect no effect smells good fine whatever yeah but it’s fine what you don’t like marshmallows i love

marshmallows it’s okay well don’t you want it not really don’t eat it i’m all set thank you i’m all that? Really?

Yeah, pornography, alcohol, whatever, tobacco. You know, as the list goes on here, because it says desired object or, and your next blank’s there, or emotion or

activity. It doesn’t have to be an object. You know what it could be?

You know what your marshmallow might be? Anger.

And it just feels really good to be angry. Why? Because it means

it’s somebody else’s fault. It’s not mine. I’m the victim.

And so I get angry. I just get mad. And there’s some either emotions or activities then discussed in here in Colossians chapter 3,

but now you also put off these anger wrath malice and inactivities blasphemy filthy communication out of your mouth lie not one to another they’re lying lying might be your marshmallow it gets me out of a world to hurt I don’t have to answer anymore I don’t have to come up with a reason

explanation for what I do I just lie