Faith Talks host: Hello, I’m Anna Faith.

And I’m Jana Faith.

And welcome to episode two of Faith Talks.

Faith Talks host: You know, this week, several of us, and maybe some of you, have been at the Victory Conference here in Wisconsin.

The truth this week has been incredible, and I would really encourage you all to check out the Victory Conference podcast to listen to the messages.

Faith Talks host: And I’m really excited for today’s podcast.

We are going to be interviewing kind of different stories from the road.

I have here with me Rebecca Cook and Abby Meyer.

And last month, I had the privilege of traveling for about three weeks with my parents, the War of Special Forces, and being in different Christian schools and counseling a lot of different young ladies.

And one thing we all really noticed at each of the different schools was the issue of insecurity.

And you know, insecurity is masked in a lot of different ways.

Some girls masked it by flirting.

Others maybe by trying to please people or they somehow felt like they had to perform to be accepted.

Other ones, you’d go into their classroom and they would be trying to make the whole class laugh with humor.

And they might have been holding up different masks, but they were all holding it up for the same reason.

They were insecure.

So today we’re going to be talking about insecurity.

And you know what?

Faith Talks host: Since I didn’t travel with you all, why don’t I take care of asking the questions for today?

Sounds like a plan.

Okay, so what were some of the major insecurities you all encountered on

Guest: the road with the teens?

Hi, I’m Abby, and one of the main insecurities I saw in a lot of teenagers was that they just felt like God couldn’t use them.

So they felt worthless, and they just felt like there’s no way that God could ever use them.

Hey, so I’m Rebecca, and one I saw on the road

Faith Talks host: I think another one that I encountered a lot was like girls who felt like they always had to have praise or affirmation.

I remember talking to one girl and she got her security very much from people’s praise.

She felt like she couldn’t really let anybody down in any area.

She was one of the best athletes at her school.

She looked really nice.

She got straight A’s in everything.

She had an amazing personality.

She was kind of viewed too as the spiritual leader of her youth group.

And because of that, she felt like if she wasn’t getting that praise from others, she was letting them down.

And so she was just, she felt like she was just working herself to death, just so scared and so imprisoned in insecurity.

She felt like she had to live up to something.

You know, I also met

Faith Talks host: That’s interesting how different people respond differently to insecurities.

Like she would cry.

There was two girls on my team one of the weeks, and they were complete opposites.

One of them, when she was feeling insecure, she’d just start talking and talk and talk and talk and talk.

I loved having her recruiting because I’d just get her talking.

She’d just go at it.

And then I had another girl who she would not talk at all. she’d clam up she’d want to be in the back of the seat not talk to anybody so it’s just interesting they were both insecure but one coped with it by talking a lot and the other one clammed up

Guest: yeah I also encountered that girls found their their security in how they dressed so kind of like feeling accepted they only felt secure if they looked right and if other people accepted how they were dressing and they really found their security in that.

Mrs.

Van Geldren has a lecture on insecurity and she has one point about this dress that I found was very interesting.

She said that over and over again males surveyed perceived immodesty as a sign of insecurity.

In fact, one 29-year-old man just wrote down one word when describing the most common way women show their insecurity, cleavage.

Another gentleman responded, the more skin they show, the more insecure they are.

So we’ve seen that a lot on the road just over and over again, either by the amount of clothes they have or don’t have on or girls just feeling like I have to have the

Faith Talks host: latest thing to be secure.

And another insecurity is just fear, fearing what your friends think, fearing what other people think about you.

And we saw this vividly illustrated in several of the weeks with the peer pressure.

In one school we were at, maybe just a couple people came back throughout the week.

But then in the Friday testimony service, as those couple people got up and gave testimonies, God broke the school wide open because the people weren’t scared of their peers anymore.

And I remember as those people were giving testimonies, there was different ones coming back to me.

One girl came back sobbing and she was like, I need to get saved.

And she got saved.

Another girl came back and talked about a lot of issues.

And I remember her looking at me and saying, why didn’t I come back at the beginning of the week?

She was like, I was so scared of what everybody would think about me.

And, but when she saw her friends getting honest and dealing with their problems,

Faith Talks host: their insecurities, that freed her.

Wow.

Those are some real time insecurities.

And I think a lot of girls and a lot of us even just can relate with those.

Now, and just thinking about this, I would think that many of these insecurities came from something deeper.

What would you all say

Guest: Yeah, and another one is also when girls just go through a lot of change, even just moving a lot or going from a different school to a different school or things in their family, just lots of different change.

That can actually, it might seem like a smaller thing, but it actually does, it can produce, that is a wound and it can produce insecurity.

Faith Talks host: And you know, one big wound I found was just the idea of comparing yourselves.

And I think that’s especially a girl thing in a lot of different areas, but I know especially in media, with Instagram, I remember one time going on a plane and seeing this lady who literally for two hours took selfies of herself.

Like she would fix her hair a certain way and she’d take like five selfies and then do it another way and then take five selfies and then like lipstick and then like, okay, here comes the snacks.

Like how can I put the pretzels in such a way where this is like cute?

And like, it was absolutely ridiculous, but it just shows how much she was needing that praise and even just comparing with all the social media posts.

And then if you don’t struggle with that, there’s a lot of girls that I counseled, even these past couple weeks, that just would compare themselves with other girls in the school.

And during this, this generation really struggles with anorexia and different stuff just because they’re comparing, you know, comparing figures, comparing a lot of different stuff.

And I remember one girl sitting down with me and she’s like, I’m fat.

And she’s like, look at all the girls in our school.

They’re just so much skinnier than me.

She’s like, I’m just so fat.

I have to, every time I eat, go to the bathroom and throw up.

And you know what?

Some of you out there listening, you might know what that feels like to compare yourself and just feel like I’m never going to measure up.

And, you know, it comes from not just even wanting to be skinny per se or wanting to be good at sports or wanting to be, but you feel like you have to be the best.

It’s almost a bit of control feeling like you have to, you have a monopoly on this certain area.

And if you can just control that, then you feel like you’re going to be okay.

And it can also be on the other side though, you can maybe not want to be noticed.

And maybe you feel like you have limitations, like you’re not like everybody else.

You know, Anna Faith, you mentioned that in the last podcast about your physical limitations. kind of relating to your concussions.

Do you want to touch on that?

Yes.

So that was definitely one

Faith Talks host: area that I’ve been really insecure about and just the physical injury of even just having a concussion.

And when I got one of my concussions, the doctor explained what happens in my brain.

And one thing he mentioned was that my memory would be affected specifically just even in my everyday communication.

And that was something that definitely I felt it in my brain.

I felt it change.

I couldn’t remember things as well as I had before.

And since those concussions, I have been extremely insecure when it just comes to speaking of any kind, whether it’s at a lunch table or in front of other people or just, you know, even in a podcast.

So because of those limitations, I would think, well, I’m just not like everyone else and I can’t ever measure up

Faith Talks host: when I talk to people.

That’s really true.

I hadn’t thought of that necessarily, but even a physical limitation can be like a wound that could cause insecurity.

So this is really key to

Faith Talks host: understand that the wounds do not define your identity, but your response to the wounds determines your destiny.

And it’s God’s grace that is always there.

He promises always that there is a way of escape.

So we’ve kind of looked at different insecurities and the wounds that cause these insecurities.

Now, how would you girls say that girls react to these wounds they’re

Guest: dealing with?

There’s definitely lots of different ways that they react.

One, I would say, is perfectionism.

And they just think, if I can just keep my act together enough so people don’t really see, people think that everything’s okay and they don’t see what’s really happening and that my life is actually falling apart.

So just putting up that mask of perfectionism or just thinking, I need to prove my worth to God and to others so that I’m accepted.

And I just need to make sure that everything’s in order, everything’s organized so that I’m accepted.

Faith Talks host: Like those are kind of opposites.

You have the perfectionism, and then you have the just giving up, just kind of throw it all out.

I think there’s one other element of people just kind of trying to distract themselves from the insecurities and wounds and just turning to different coping mechanisms.

I can think of two stories.

There’s one girl who told me who’s just whenever she’s insecure or not feeling like she’s measuring up, she’ll just go to the bathroom and do her hair, and she finds real satisfaction in that.

Another girl told me when she struggles or feels insecure, she’ll go eat chips.

And she finds great satisfaction in eating chips, and it just gets her mind off of it.

I can think, I probably wouldn’t do chips.

I’d more go the chocolate route.

But it can be a distraction just to get your mind off your insecurities.

Faith Talks host: Those are definitely the wrong ways to try to hide your insecurities, but it really is so easy to do that.

Okay, so how did you counsel girls to victory or give them hope in spite of these insecurities?

Faith Talks host: Well, this has been mentioned a couple times throughout the podcast, but my mom does have a lecture on insecurity she does.

And one of the things she really brings out that I think is really helpful is the idea of having the correct vertical focus and having the correct horizontal focus.

And the vertical focus is getting your security from God and then the horizontal focus of not basing your security off of the people around you.

And I know, Rebecca, you’ve heard this lecture several times.

What would you say is maybe one thing on one of those aspects that kind of just stood out to you?

Faith Talks host: Well, Rebecca, that was really helpful.

Now, Jana, you mentioned something about the horizontal focus.

Can you explain what you mean by that?

Faith Talks host: Yes, so the horizontal focus is not getting your security from other people.

And I think that goes back a lot to the comparing, like we were talking before.

It’s so easy to compare yourself to others or even think, like if I’m on good terms with this person, then I’m going to have a good day.

And just your whole security is based on other people.

And 2 Corinthians 10-12 has been a real conviction in my own life, but it says, but they measuring themselves by themselves and comparing themselves among themselves are not wise.

And you know, when we compare ourselves with others, that’s not just maybe not a good idea or not healthy.

It’s sin and it’s a big deal.

And you know, don’t be jealous of other people because God created you the way you are for a specific purpose and no one can do what you’re supposed to do.

So don’t get jealous at other people for different talents that God might have given them because God has a specific purpose for your life and he wants to use you.

There’s people you know that nobody else knows that God wants you to reach and he made you to do it.

So don’t be insecure.

God made you just the way you are.

Yeah, that’s really good.

And I think

Guest: another part is how we talked about wounds and many of people listening to this, you’ve been through things that have been really hurtful and specific people that have really hurt you, but we can’t find our security in that.

And part of the correct horizontal view focus is that we forgive people that have wronged us.

And that’s just taking the Lord’s forgiveness for them.

And because we can’t do it on our own, it has to be Jesus’s love and Jesus’s forgiveness through us.

And just realizing that those people that have hurt you, they’ve been hurt too.

They’re going through a lot of their own pain.

And it’s so easy to get focused on ourselves and just think, well, I’m going through this and they hurt me this way.

But realize that those people have been hurt too.

And so just having that correct horizontal focus is to forgive those people.

Also, another way is that we need to minister to others and not let them make us feel secure.

So every single relationship that you have, every single interaction you have with friends at school, with people at home, with people at church, just realize you’re there for them.

Because if you have this focus of what can I get out of this relationship, then that’s the wrong focus.

But the correct horizontal focus is I’m here to minister to other people.

Philippians 2, 4 says, look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

So look for ways that you can minister to people and be a help to them.

Faith Talks host: that choice.

You know, let God be enough.

Thank you for that, girls.

That was really helpful.

And even just putting these things together, I think really the answer here is to realize your insecurities.

But instead of trying to fix them or pretend that they’re not even there, turn to Jesus to heal the wounds and give you victory over your insecurities.

And then God can use you to help others get free from their insecurities.

And you know, every trial in your life is an opportunity to get to know your God better.

And one verse that has helped me in this area is Romans 8, 28.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God.

And just realizing that this verse is so true that God wants to use everything that we think is negative in our life to actually become a positive thing in our life.

And God wants to use that negative thing to help you help someone else.

Yeah, and I would say coming away from this lecture, what we don’t want everyone to walk away saying is,

Faith Talks host: wow, I’m so insecure.

I’m such a loser.

That is not the goal.

But it is the first step to realize your insecurities.

And I would encourage you maybe as an application from this podcast, just take some time and write out any insecurity that maybe we touched on or maybe just came in your head and just ask God to search you and show you your insecurities.

And I would write them out and then find a verse that just counters that lie that the devil’s telling you.

And one resource that can be really helpful with this is the Battle Plan for Victory.

That’s found on thegeneration.org.

So I’d encourage you to even go there.

It has a list.

It has just different topics.

And then pray and ask God to change you.

And as he changes you and gives you victory in those areas of insecurity, share it with others.

Any of the things we shared in the podcast were different things we’d struggle with or we met people that I’d struggled with.

And God wants to use your insecurities to help free people who have the same insecurities.

So thank you, Rebecca and Abby, just for both coming today.

And that was really helpful.

And you know what?

Many of those topics I know we touched on really briefly, but we will be discussing some of those in more detail later on in further podcasts.

Faith Talks host: So in these coming days, let’s acknowledge our insecurities, not getting discouraged, but rather let them lead us to being secure in Christ.

And as we live secure in Jesus, we can confidently share him to others as the ultimate answer.

And remember, girls, faith doesn’t just talk.

Faith walks.