Janna Van Geledren: Hello there, I’m Janna Faith,

Anna Faith Gillmore: and I’m Anna Faith. Welcome to episode 25 of Faith Talks. Today, we are excited to continue our theme of relationships. We thought it’d be helpful to go over the topic of friends and friendships and relationships with friends.

Janna: So, take a moment to think: If somebody were to ask you who your best friend is, does a face come to mind or maybe a name? Consider your friend group, your peers, those you hang out with. You know, it can be easy to say, “Oh, it doesn’t matter, my friends might not do the best things.” Maybe they don’t do exactly what I would do, but I’m not going to be influenced by them. However, in traveling and seeing various friend groups, you really see your friends are how you are going to turn out like. This lecture stems from something my mom would share on the road about assessing whether our friends are fatal friends or Christ-like companions.

Anna Faith: I like the quote that says: “You are now or soon will be what your friends are.” This is from SM Davis and we will use some of his material in this lecture. But just think about it, as Janna was saying. Who do you want to be in the future, and who are your friends right now? Does that line up?

Janna: So, I’m just going to start it out with a poem my mom found a couple of years ago. It’s really sobering, with the responsibility that we have with those we call friends. You might just think “Oh, it’s just a couple of years. It doesn’t really matter who I hang out with. But it really can. And this is a true story put in the form of a poem.

It’s called, “A Pizza, A Party, and A Moonlight Ride”.

Jenny was so happy about the house they had found.
For once in her life it was on the right side of town.
She unpacked her things with such great ease.
As she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze.

How wonderful it was to have her own room.
School would be starting, she’d have friends over soon.
There’d be sleep-overs, and parties;
she was so happy It’s just the way she wanted her life to be.

On the first day of school, everything went great.
She made new friends and she even got a date!
She thought, “I want to be popular and I’m going to be,
Because I just got a date with the star of the team!”

To be known in this school you had to have a clout,
And dating this guy would sure help her out.
There was only one problem stopping her fate.
Her parents had said she was too young to date.

“Well, I just won’t tell them the entire truth.
They won’t know the difference; what’s there to lose?”
Jenny asked to stay with her friends that night.
Her parents frowned but said, “All right.”

Excited, she got ready for the big event.
But as she rushed around like she had no sense,
she began to feel guilty about all the lies,
but what’s a pizza, a party, and a moonlight ride?

Well the pizza was good, and the party was great,
but the moonlight ride would have to wait.
For Jeff was half drunk by this time.
But he kissed her and said that he was just fine.

Then the room filled with smoke and Jeff took a puff.
Jenny couldn’t believe he was smoking that stuff.
Now Jeff was ready to ride to the point
but only after he’d smoked another joint.

They jumped in the car for the moonlight ride,
not thinking that he was too drunk to drive.
They finally made it to the point at last,
and Jeff started trying to make a pass.

A pass is not what Jenny wanted at all
(and by a pass, I don’t mean playing football).
“Perhaps my parents were right….maybe I am too young.
Boy, how could I ever, ever be so dumb.”

With all of her might, she pushed Jeff away:
“Please take me home, I don’t want to stay.”
Jeff cranked up the engine and floored the gas.
In a matter of seconds they were going too fast.

As Jeff drove on in a fit of wild anger,
Jenny knew that her life was in danger.
She begged and pleaded for him to slow down,
but he just got faster as they neared the town.

“Just let me get home! I’ll confess that I lied.
I really went out for a moonlight ride.”
Then all of a sudden, she saw a big flash.
“Oh God, Please help us! We’re going to crash!”

She doesn’t remember the force of impact.
Just that everything all of a sudden went black.
She felt someone remove her from the twisted rubble,
and heard, “Call an ambulance! These kids are in trouble!”

Voices she heard…a few words at best.
But she knew there were two cars involved in the wreck.
Then wondered to herself if Jeff was all right,
and if the people in the other car were alive.

She awoke in the hospital to faces so sad.
“You’ve been in a wreck and it looks pretty bad.”
These voices echoed inside her head,
as they gently told her that Jeff was dead.

They said “Jenny, we’ve done all we can do,
but it looks as if we’ll lose you too.”
“But the people in the other car!?” Jenny cried.
“We’re sorry, Jenny, they also died.”

Jenny prayed, “God, forgive me for what I’ve done.
I only wanted to have just one night of fun.
Tell those people’s family, I’ve made their lives dim,
And wish I could return their families to them.

Tell Mom and Dad I’m sorry I lied,
and that it’s my fault so many have died.
Oh, nurse, won’t you please tell them that for me?”
The nurse just stood there—she never agreed.

But took Jenny’s hand with tears in her eyes,
and a few moments later Jenny died.
A man asked the nurse, “Why didn’t you do your best
to bid that girl her one last request?”

She looked at the man with eyes oh so sad.
“Because the people in the other car were her mom and dad.”
This story is sad and unpleasant but true,
so young people take heed, it could have been you.

So anyway, that’s a poem my mom shares, and it’s just really sobering of how important it is, really, who you hang around. And… A lot of times you can think, “Oh, I don’t want to go all the way. You know, I don’t want to be drunk, but I just want to try a drink one time.” Or you might think, “I don’t want to be an addict, but I really would like to smoke a cigarette because it’s kind of cool.” Or you might think, “Oh, I don’t want to get pregnant, but I, you know, it’d be fun to have a kiss or something like that.” And it’s so easy to start down that road and then realize you really have no control. And so just starting on a sobering note to examine what kind of friends you have really is an important thing.

Anna Faith: So to continue our talk here today, let’s examine the types of bad friends or as the Bible calls them, fools that we should be familiar with. And you might not need this material for yourself, maybe your mother listening to this or a grandmother or a lady in the church that’s burdened for a younger teen or child, but perhaps you can just pass this information on to them, give them some of these truths that would be helpful for them as they are going through their walk of life.

So these five kinds of fools we get from SM Davis and the first one is the simple fool. We see this in Proverbs 27:12, “A prudent man forseeth the evil and hideth himself, but the simple pass on and are punished.” So this is the type of fool that just doesn’t really use his head and think of any type of consequences to what he’s doing. So you could kind of think of a child as a simple fool, one that maybe plays in the street and he’s not thinking that cars are going to come by and he’s going to be in the way or just those types of fools that just aren’t thinking. He can’t see cause and effect sequences and he just walks right into danger. Another type of fool would be one who would need a leader. He believes anything anybody will tell him. He’s just not thinking very deeply, thinking for himself. He’s just letting himself go through life just really casually and not thinking.

Janna: You know, I think of just somebody who kind of jumps on the bandwagon. You know, if everybody’s being spiritual, then they are going to be spiritual. If everybody’s listening to rock music, they’ll do that too. Like they don’t really care.

Anna Faith: He kind of is living for his feelings, like a roller coaster of, “OK, now everybody’s feeling good, like spiritual. I’m at church. I’m going to act good.” And then at home, “I’m going to be talking with my friends and just do whatever they do.”

Janna: And I know I’ve seen that a lot in different youth groups. They’re these kids aren’t they don’t wake up in the morning saying, I have this evil intent. I want to do this. They just don’t know how to say no, you know, to what’s going on around them. They are more just a victim of circumstance. So in each of these types of fools, just kind of examine your heart. Okay. Am I that kind of fool? And then also, am I hanging around somebody who’s that kind of fool because that’s gonna make a difference? The second one is a silly fool and Proverbs 1:7 says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. And this kind of fool, he doesn’t just go with the flow. When he is instructed not to do something, he despises it in his heart. And you know, he hears something preaching, you shouldn’t do this, and he just sleeps during the preaching. He doesn’t really care. Very loyal to the friend groups, and really, he has no problem with breaking rules. And these might be little rules, you know, he’s not gonna go out and murder anybody, but little rules like, okay, you shouldn’t hold hands. He’s like, it doesn’t matter. Passing notes. It’s just there’s no obedience to the conscience. If the Holy Spirit pricks him, he’s not going to do anything. And it’s really those little things that we might say, oh, that’s not a huge deal. Like that person’s a decent friend, you know. But think about what God talks about, those least commandments and how important the little things are because they really can lead to big things. And I know one illustration, I think this was before my time, but there was a guy who traveled with us who did not like tomatoes. Now I don’t know if you like tomatoes out there; tomatoes, I think, are my number one thing I really struggle with. Okay, now if I go to your house and you serve me tomatoes, I will eat them because I was trained by my mother. But not my favorite thing. So this guy was similar, and there were some slices of raw tomato that were put on his plate. And we have a rule that you have to eat everything on your plate. Well, he didn’t like them, and he was about the rules; he was like I can get out of this, so he took those slices of tomato and he put them in his sock. Now, interestingly enough, he was not the most clean person, and he actually forgot about the tomatoes, and they stayed there for a day or two. Now, for some of us, that’s kind of unfathomable to even imagine.

Anna Faith: Yep.

Janna: I can’t imagine the squish.

Anna Faith: Yeah, I think I would like not forget. Like I would feel the moisture on my leg. I don’t know how you could not remember that.

Janna: Maybe his legs are really hairy. So he didn’t feel the moisture. Okay, that was something I hadn’t really thought about. But, you know, regardless of the fact he forgot about it, and he ended up getting this really bad rash just from the acidity of the tomatoes. So my mom’s like serves you right, you know. You shouldn’t do that. But he was a silly fool. He didn’t care about the little rules.

Anna Faith: So the third type of fool is kind of one step deeper than the other two. This is the sporting fool. We see this in Proverbs 10:23. Is it; it is as sport to a fool to do mischief, but a man of understanding hath wisdom. Another verse, Proverbs 13:19. It is an abomination to fools to depart from evil. So this fool is the type that has kind of gone so far that he has just started to love doing evil. So he would be hooked on sin. He doesn’t care to lie. It doesn’t phase him to look at some pornography, and he just keeps going deeper and deeper into that. He’s also hooked on shoplifting. He just basically just doesn’t care what he has to do to get what he wants and to get him to feel a certain way. He’s hooked on needing attention, so that means he’s the class clown, and he gets everybody to laugh and that’s what he wants to do. He’s hooked on bad friendships, and it’s kind of, to him, it’s an abomination to walk away from his bad company and bad activities. He’s not gonna do it. So if his parents say not to be with someone, he doesn’t care. He’s still gonna do it because to him, it’s way worse to leave that friend and listen to his parents, then okay, I’m not gonna listen to my parents and then he just goes off with that friend. Um, and he’s the friend that says, there’s no way I’m gonna leave my friends; I’m gonna go watch that movie if they’re all gonna go watch that movie, even if it’s really, really bad. And so he’s just the type of friend that will just, has really developed a love for evil and a love for sin and just doing what’s wrong.

Janna: I kinda think he probably maybe started as a simple fool, you know? But now he’s come to the point where he’s not even indulging, and he’s hooked. Now if you heard a little jingle, that was because Anna Faith was over here preaching using her hands. So her hand hit the cord, and my keys went flying across the table. So…

Anna Faith: Not flying, they just moved a tiny bit.

Janna: They moved a tiny bit but they do have some jingle to them.

Anna Faith: I do like to preach though.

Janna: Yeah, so I mean maybe that was you out there if that rattled your cage. Okay, this next type of fool is a scorning fool. Proverbs 13:1 says a wise son hears at his father’s instruction but a scorner heareth not rebuke. Yes, I can pronounce that. Okay, so the fools we’ve described, pretty much, even though they might be hooked themselves, they’re not out there trying to get their friends to sin. Whereas this scorner would say, I’m not gonna make a decision for the Lord, and you’re not going to either. And so often we see this in Christian schools, there might be a group of really popular kids, and there’s a couple of scorners in there who say, nobody’s making a decision this week. And it comes down to Friday, and maybe one kid cracks and he’s so scared because the friends had made this pact that they wouldn’t. And that’s so dangerous. You know, if you’re going to go your own direction and not do what’s right, that’s one thing. But then to pull your friends, you’re really going to give account for that when you get to heaven someday if you’ve pulled others down. And there’s a verse that says, smite a scorner and the simple shall beware. And that’s really true. If a scorner gets in trouble or maybe gets expelled, those simple fools are going to say “Oh, that’s not the direction to go.” Because simple believers just simply believe whatever is somebody saying. So a lot of times you’ll find a group of friends there’s one scorner and a bunch of simple who are just kind of blindly following.

Anna Faith: So the last fool that we have is the committed fool. Psalm 14, one says, the fool has said in his heart, there is no God, they are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that do with good. This is the one that really says that there is no God or that he doesn’t want God to be a part of his life at all. He has absolutely no fear of God. And I really just think this is the one that has just completely hurt his conscience so many times and he has gone down the progression of these fools, he’s just so callous to doing wrong. He just loves it. And he’s skilled even in how he goes about arguing against truth. And he’s just all for wrong and kind of just being that one that just wants to spread that wrong and ungodliness around to his friends and those that he comes in contact with. He’s the one who will stand up for his friends over the school or over the rules and he just is all about justifying the ungodly. And this would be someone who would be, if somebody gets kicked out for drinking, then this guy comes and comes up with all this stuff to go back at the school and say, well, all this different type of stuff. And he’s just committed to evil. And so this is a fool that obviously you would not think that you would become, but if you start at the simple, it’s crazy how soon you can get there. And it’s really sobering just how those people around you influence you so much and in the end you could become yourself what these friends at first you’re like no I’m they’re bad I’m not going to be like them and you know who knows you could get to that point and that’s very sobering to all of us and you know if you hang around a lower fool than yourself he’s going to pull you down to his level like we’ve been saying so if you’re a simple fool and you’re hanging around a silly fool, okay, you’re going to become a silly fool eventually because those are the people that you’re allowing to just influence you or if you’re hanging around you know the progression goes and all the way to this the farthest one who just has absolute no fear of God.

Janna: And it’s interesting like sometimes I think you can look at the fools and say “okay well I’m not one of those” but then like how much are you really influencing them to be Christ like you know you could you could say well I’m not you know I’m not trying do evil but are you trying to get them to do right. So we’re gonna kind of turn it now and look at, okay, that was the fatal friend side, but now we’re looking at Christlike companion. Are you that? And one thing about a Christlike companion is you, if you’re a good friend, you’re going to, or sorry, let me rephrase that. If you’re looking for a friend, a good friend would be somebody whose life will challenge you to greater effectiveness and greater works. Think about a good soul winner, passing out tracts, and I know my mom had, she grew up not knowing a lot of you know stuff about the Lord and different stuff and really God brought her some amazing friends along her way. You know she worked at Baskin Robbins and she had a co-worker that said, “hey let’s memorize James together” and they would memorize verses on their break, just something simple like that but that’s really the idea of the iron sharpening iron of hey let’s encourage each other and let’s grow together. And we need to have more people who are influencing in a positive way to overpower the world’s terrible influence that it has on us. So, Hebrews 10 talks about how we need to exhort and encourage each other even more as it gets closer to the Lord coming.

Anna: Another thing to look for as you’re looking for a good friend is to see if they have good friends and see if the friends that they have is one that you could do is just start talking about how you love the Lord and how you want to serve him and please him in the different plans that you think that he has for you and just watch their reaction. Are they going to be all for that or are they like, okay, you’re weird?

There’s a story here when they were traveling, Chelsea, a girl in a school that they were at, had mentored a girl coming from the public school. The girl began to grow in the Lord, and the two of them took a wonderful stand in the Christian school. The girl came back for her senior year, and Chelsea didn’t her friend had decided that she had had enough of taking a stand. It was now going to go the opposite way. Chelsea was sitting with her at lunch and realized she could not be a part of her friend’s new circle of friends. She told her friend. “I’m sorry. I cannot be a part of this, but I will be there if you want to return to me.” So Chelsea took the stand that she should and actually decided to not spend time around and hang around with that friend because she realized she was gonna be a wrong influence on her. And just that saying that we had right at the beginning, you are now or you soon will be what your friends are.

Janna: I like how Proverbs talks about if you walk with wise you’re going to be wise. If you’re a companion of fools you’re going to be destroyed. And it’s interesting how God points that out. It’s not just like oh if you walk with fools you’re going to be a fool but no like it’s going to take you to the level where you’re literally destroyed. And I think of a good friend as someone who’s going to rebuke you when there’s sin in your life. Proverbs 27:6, faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. And somebody who truly loves you is going to, you know, be honest with you about your faults. I can think specifically in college, just some friends that when I was struggling, or maybe I was disrespectful, or I was discouraged, saying words of unbelief, who just said, you know, you need to trust God or you’re not responding correctly about that. I’ll never forget there was um one time I came out of a meeting because I had gotten some demerits and I was kind of complaining about the demerits you know like how do I get this and that and this and and I remember an upperclassman came to me and they said you need to stop complaining like every time God gives you demerits that is literally a gift and he’s gonna teach you an amazing lesson through this. And I remember It was a little strong and I was a little bit taken back, but I thought back to that so many times when I’ve gotten other demerits just how important it is for a friend to just rebuke that unbelief and change your heart and that really really helps. And another thing about a good friend is they’re going to check up on you and ask you hard questions. You know, when was the last time you asked your friend, “Hey, how’d your devotions go this morning?” “Or what movie did you watch last night?” if they’re talking about something or you know, “what kind of music are is that over there? Do you think God would want us to listen to that?” And you don’t want to be pious or you know…overly trying to condemn or judge people but to be honest in wanting to know what your friends are doing and and help them align that with what the Bible is saying or not is really important and just one thing um I was at a Treasure Mountain Bible Camp last week or the week before and I was with some teen campers and I was just so impressed after after one of the messages one of the girls came back and she said “You know what, lets together keep each other accountable about what music we’re listening to” and they all three sat there on their phones deleting different stuff on Spotify resetting their account and they were somehow linked so they shared it and they said this is this is taking us down spiritually and we need to partner together as friends to not go that direction. I mean, that’s an example of a good friend. I’m sure it wasn’t super easy for her to say that but her boldness in that matter is not going to just impact her spiritual growth, but also her friends.

Anna Faith: And just that aspect of accountability is so important. It reminds me of the verse in Ecclesiastes 4:9, “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall the one will help lift up his fellow but woe to him that is alone when he falleth for he hath not another to help him up.”

 So that’s just even talking about how actually just so encouraging and so you know foundational it is to have that friend who is asking those questions. It’s not a negative thing. It’s actually the thing that you need when you fall, and that friend is going to be there to help you up when you do fall.

Janna: And I think this next one is interesting because it kind of goes against what I was asking at the beginning, but a good friend should not be exclusive trying to be that person’s only friend. So I know my mom growing up wouldn’t let us use the words best friend because she felt like it was too exclusive. She wanted us to be Psalm 119. I am a companion of all them that fear thee and really you should be friends with whoever wants to do right not trying to be exclusive.

Anna Faith: Another thing, good friends will make Christ the center of their friendships and have Christ be their best friend. So instead of making somebody your best friend, really have that perspective of Jesus is my best friend.

Janna: And that brings unity.

Anna Faith: Right. As you make him the center of your life, all of those relationships are going to be exactly what they need to be. Because you have the one who’s not going to leave you. You can always tell him something. He’s not going to let you down. And if you have a best friend and your best friend is not Christ, when in trouble, you can go to your friend first instead of Christ. When you are depressed, you go to them. When you’re excited, you go to them. When you want to bare your heart, you go to them. When you sense that you just need to talk, you go to them instead of Christ. And that’s going to pull you down. That’s not going to be developing your relationship spiritually. Just having that focus of Jesus as your best friend. You go to him first and then you go to friends. You don’t need your friends; you need Jesus, and your friends will come into place.

Janna: Because if you’re like, “well, I always have to have a best best friend,” then that’s going to probably lead you to be clinging to people who aren’t following Jesus as their best friend. And I think,  girls, if you’re out there in high school and you’re like, well, my friends are everything to me, let me tell you, in 10 years, you’re probably not going to be with them anymore. You have friends in high school; some of them follow you to college. You’ll have friends in college, but then really after that, it’s your family and who you’re ministering around right then. So getting attached to friends, it doesn’t even make sense if that makes sense. Getting attached to the Lord is so much of a bigger impact because he’s never going to leave you. You’re going to carry that relationship with you your whole life. So we’re going to move into concluding this with some application and kind of a dual application, okay?

Who am I? Am I a fatal friend? Am I one of those fools? Or am I a Christ-like companion? And then also, who do I hang around? Are my friends, the people, those names who I thought of at the beginning, are those kind of people fools? Or are they Christ-like companions? And then also thinking, okay, who in my life do I know that is a Christ-like companion? Maybe there’s a girl at my church, and I know she walks with God and fits some of those qualifications. So maybe I should go start getting close to her because I know she walks with Jesus. That’s the kind of thing we’re going to look at with the application. It’s really kind of making a commitment. You know, I’m weak, Lord, but I am going to choose the kind of friends that are going to bring me closer to you by your strength and grace.

Anna Faith: And you may think, but I’m so weak. I always am just so attracted to the wrong friends. I love having friends. Going to make it? Well, number one, like we already talked about, choose those strong friends. You know the ones that are strong, and we probably don’t even have to tell you. In your friend group, in your church, your school, you know the ones that are strong versus the ones that are weak. So ask God to help you make those friends your friends and to reject the sin and the ones that are not walking with the Lord. Just as Janna was saying, make that commitment to, no matter what it takes I’m going to have strong friends.

Janna: Also, get grounded in God’s word. You’re not going to know what’s right or wrong from day to day if you don’t know God’s word and what he says. So many of those verses we quoted today were from Proverbs. Just reading over Proverbs looking for any time God talks about a fool or a wise man and the differences there. If you have a weakness, there’s The Battle Plan for Victory on the Thee Generation website and so many other things. Just memorize verses that apply to your weaknesses and start thinking how God thinks.

Anna Faith: Another thing is just to develop that fear of sin, which how are you going to do that? By getting into God’s Word. But realize your weakness and don’t think that you will be the exception and win in the game of sin. You’re never going to win. Sin always has consequences. Growing up, my mom would always say, be sure your sin will find you out. And it always does. Other verses say that you’re going to reap what you sow and just realize that that is a principle that is always going to be there God has a plan for your life, and so does Satan, and his will is to destroy your life. He hates you. He hates your guts. He does not want you to walk with God. So he’s going to be doing everything he can, but if you’re walking with the Lord, if you’re taking these verses as your sword and you’re just taking those lies that the devil sends your way and you’re saying that’s not true. Here’s the truth. Here’s God’s Word and also just makes me think of like we already talked about, making Jesus your best friend and realizing that this Christian life is not just a bunch of do’s and don’ts and just reading your Bible and doing what it says. It’s a relationship with Jesus. He is really the best friend you could have. And I think just thinking as we talk about friends, realizing that there is a friend that sticks closer to than a brother, and Jesus is that friend. He wants to be there with you in all of these things. And when you develop that relationship with him. It is so much sweeter than human relationships because he knows every part of who you are. You don’t even have to explain yourself; he already knows you. He knows just all of your weaknesses and all of your strengths, and he’s just right there ready to be with you, to help you, and to strengthen you to do what he made you to do. And there’s not a friend that knows what you were made to do, but Jesus does, and He wants to develop you into that Christian that He made, that He created, to do what He created you to do in this world. And so I think that understanding that is a really big key to friendships. Because when you realize that there’s no friend that’s going to completely satisfy you, Jesus will satisfy you. And once you turn to Him, then you’re not going to be turning to these friends and trying to get something out of them and following the fools because you’re going to realize that you have everything you need in Jesus.

Janna: And I think too if you’re walking with Jesus you’re going to be the kind of friend that you need to be and really the matter of friendship, we’re on faith talks and faith walks, but it’s really a matter of faith. And I think of just as you go throughout your day, watch, you know, watch your friends. You might have listened to this lecture. I really doubt this is the case, but maybe you listen. You’re like, “oh, I don’t know anybody who’s like that.” Well, start watching your friends and seeing what they’re like. And I think also talk to your parents. Parents have very good noses in sniffing out whether a friend is really good for you. So maybe ask your Mom, you know, “do you have friends that you think I should hang around more or ones that you’re concerned about?” Just bringing that before them can be a great action step. Going back to those names at the beginning, I do want to say if you know a fool, it’s not like you should say hey, I’m never going to talk to them ever again. But should they be your closest friend, you know when you’re spending or you know spending the night always at their house or just spending all your time with them probably not. That would not be wise because then you will become like your friends but also bringing them to a position where you can reach out to them is not a problem if you’re bringing them into your environment. So just as we end this podcast here, think about your friends and think about who you are. Are you a fatal friend or are you a Christ-like companion? So remember girls this week as we go about our days just with our friends but most of all with Jesus walk with him and remember faith doesn’t just talk, faith walks.