Jim Van Gelderen: Okay, Genesis, we're going to be looking just a moment here at chapter number 45, Genesis 45. Now, I love the Cola Clash Plus shirts this year, but they look like Cola Class times, don't you think? The Plus got turned on its side, so I'm looking out here.

But, well, good job Mountain Dew. Well, I know we're going to have some much more competition. This thing's still wide open, full throttle, and I'm excited for many of you that are returning, as well as those who've been here before.

And I want to deal with a subject matter that I hope will be extremely helpful. The Lord is, years ago when I was the age of some of you in this room, God began to burden my heart for teenagers. I had no idea it was a lifelong burden.

I tell people every once in a while, I tell them, you know, I think, I think I found my life's work, I think. But anyway, I found that in these 33 years of working with young people, there's a problem that surfaces, I would call it the number one problem. Now, the reason it was such an amazement to me is because it was really not an issue in my teenage years at all.

It was not a temptation, and it was never really a serious problem. But I have found in these years of ministry that it is with a lot of young people, particularly today, a lot more dysfunction in homes, a lot more unbiblical thinking when it comes to homes. And as a result of that, some young people really struggle with anger, bitterness, and how to forgive people who've wronged them.

I want to deal with a simple message, God's formula for forgiveness, God's formula for forgiveness. Now, some of you in this room really aren't grappling with this. I'm assuming some of you come from a home where there's really nothing you're really struggling with, forgiving someone who you feel didn't handle you right or maybe said something that was hurtful or did something.

So I realize this message will not, for some of you, be that which you'd apply right now. But I will say this, if you don't need the truth today, you will need it tomorrow. Because sooner and later in life, everybody is wrong.

Sooner and later in life, somebody's going to say something that hurts. Somebody's going to do something that brings some pain to your life. And you're going to have to deal with forgiving people or you will be in bondage to them.

And we want to deal with this because I feel like a lot of young people really get in bondage to anger and bitterness and they can't get free. They know something's wrong, their Christian life isn't working, God seems a million miles away. And so we want to give you some help, just going to give you some steps from the life of Joseph.

Now, I remember several years ago, we were doing one of our War of Special Forces, many are familiar with that, it's a Christian school ministry, it's kind of like the Cola Clash in a Christian school. And we were having our testimony service, and boy, I'm guessing about 220 pounds, probably six foot two, six foot three, stood to the microphone, and he got up, his very first words were this. He said, a few years ago, my mother told me you were a mistake.

And then he proceeded to give a testimony of forgiving his mother for saying those words. And let me, by the way, say this young person, I think it's important for you to realize that even the circumstances of your conception were not of the Lord. Nobody in this room is a mistake.

Did you know that? God has a purpose for every one of your lives, and you can certainly see that in the Bible over and over again, and it's a wonderful thing that God does. But he proceeded to talk about forgiving his mother for making that statement, which obviously was very hurtful.

Another time we were in a Christian school, a young man stood to the microphone and he began to sob, and this is not the only time something like this has happened. He said, man, he said, I hated my dad. I hated my dad.

He said, I've never met my dad. He said, before I was born, my dad walked out of my life. He said, I've never emailed my dad.

I've never talked to my dad on the phone. He said, I've never texted my dad. He said, I have no idea where he is.

I've never had contact in my entire life. He said, I hated my dad. Now that's a hard thing for me to imagine somebody hating a person they'd never met, but you could tell it was very real with him.

And he proceeded with tears to give a testimony of forgiving his dad and finding freedom for the very first time toward a hatred toward a man he'd never met. Now I'm giving you some extreme stories, but some of you in this room can relate because things have been said. Some of you come from homes where there are unbiblical practices take place.

There's anger. Things are said in the heat of the moment. Hurtful things are said sometimes never cleared up.

And there's many times if you don't deal with hurt, you're going to find yourself in a need for forgiveness. Now, before I preach the message, I want to give you a little bit of a test to see whether or not you have a problem with an unforgiving spirit. Because some of you may not realize that really your problem is a lack of forgiveness towards someone.

Let me give you three important tests to see whether or not you've biblically forgiven somebody. Number one, the test of hurt. The test of hurt.

Sometimes people will say this, you know, preacher, I'm really not bitter and I'm really not angry. I'm just hurt. Now what about that?

Is hurt legitimate? And the answer to that question, yes, for a while. Now let's imagine, please don't do this, but let's imagine you went down to a rough section of town here in Milwaukee.

I guess we're not imagining too much. But anyway, you went to a rough section of town and you got mugged. And let's imagine, of course, you're still alive, but you got knifed in the mugging.

And let's imagine the knifing was not in a, you know, or an organ is, maybe an arm or a leg, but it's a pretty deep wound. You go to the hospital, they pour in the antiseptic, they sew you up, ship you home. The next morning you wake up, painkillers worn off, and you say to your mom, Mom, this wound is killing me.

Now, your mom's not going to worry too much. You know why? Because people get knifed.

It's supposed to hurt the next day. Did you know that? And so you go for a few days.

Now, if you woke up three months later and said, Mom, this knife wound is killing me, you know what your mom is going to do? She is going to do what moms do best, freak out. You know what I'm talking about?

She'll call 911. She'll, you know, they'll put you in an ambulance. They'll rush to the hospital.

And the truth is they should. because you probably have a very serious infection which could take your life. So could we say that hurt is legitimate for a while, but in a moment you're going to see this.

God's grace heals hurt. So if the hurt's still there, you know what it indicates? After an extended time, it indicates you have an unforgiving spirit.

You've never gotten a hold of God's grace, so there's no healing. In fact, you know, this may sound strange, but it really is true. True, a lot of people are so, they nurture the hurt.

Now that's weird, isn't it? But they nurture the hurt, and if I could say this, they keep pulling the scab off the wound. You know why?

Because hurt justifies their bitterness toward the person who wronged them. So many times people feel like they've got to nurture the hurt, they've got to keep the hurt alive, because it justifies those ill feelings toward the person who's wronged them. I remember several years ago, I was right here at Falls Baptist Church.

I had not been here long. I don't believe in the ministry. I moved here in the year 2000.

And I was at a Labor Day picnic, and a man and his family were visiting somebody here in the church. I don't even remember what family it was. And the man came up to me.

I'm guessing he was in his 30s. And he said, Brother Van Gogh, can I talk to you? I said, sure.

So we began a friendly conversation. And he said, you know, he said, I have an older brother, 10 years older than I. And he said, years ago, I loaned him $10,000, and he lost the money in a business venture.

Now, you know, $10,000 to me is a lot of money. And he said, I lost it. And he said, not only has he not repaid it, he has not said a word about it.

He just ignores it. But he said, to add insult to injury, he has said and done many hurtful things to me. So we begin the conversation.

I'm asking him questions, trying to give him some Bible advice. That's why we were talking. And then toward the end of the situation, I said, got a question for you.

I said, have you forgiven your older brother? I will never forget his response. He didn't even think.

He just said, oh yeah. He said, I've forgiven my older brother. But the longer we went in the conversation, I noticed every time we talked about his older brother, you know what I noticed would happen?

Lower lip would tremble like this. You could see he was doing everything he could to contain his emotion toward that brother. You could sense the feeling just rising out of his heart.

And finally, I looked at him and said, brother, I said, I'm not trying to make it worse for you, but I got to just tell you this. I don't believe you've forgiven your older brother. Now, don't get me wrong.

I said, I think you think you have. But I don't personally believe that you really have. You say, why could you say that, preacher?

Because he didn't pass the test of hurt. And some of you don't pass the test of hurt. Now that brings us to a second test.

It's the test of expectation. The test of expectation. This would be a person, that person wronged me, man.

What they need to do, they need to grovel in the dust, and they need to just ask me to forgive them. If there's anything you expect somebody to do, You have an expectation and indicates you've not biblically forgiven. And so the test of expectation.

If somebody's wronged you and you have an expectation this person needs to do this to resolve the situation, then that's a test of expectation. You didn't pass it. You've not biblically forgiven.

Now, I'm not saying that what they need to do, maybe they do need to do, but the very fact you still demanded of them in your heart indicates that you've not biblically forgiven. Now remember this young person, when somebody wrongs you, they may not know this, but they become in debt to you, at least in your own thinking. That's the test of it.

They need to do this. They need to do that. They need to do this.

I remember I stopped a couple of, or a couple of young ladies stopped me in the hallway of a large Christian school in the state of Virginia. They said, Brother Van Gelden, can we talk? I said, sure.

And both of them had deadbeat dads, and they began to tell about my dad, and they both, the dads lived in town, and my dad needs to do this, and my dad needs to do this, and my dad needs to do this. I remember looking at those girls, and both of them had angry tears in their eyes. I said, young ladies, I said, you really are in a crisis.

I said, either you will hold on to your expectations and be as miserable as you are right now, I said, or you will forgive your dads, get a hold of the grace of God, and God will free you of this stuff. But I said, you've got a choice. you're at a crisis.

You see, they didn't pass the test of expectation. Now I'm going to be dead honest with you. From the human perspective, I can understand why young people do struggle with that.

I remember several years ago having a young man travel on my team. He would tell the story about his, he was living with his mother. His dad had walked out where they were divorced and his dad lived in town.

And he said his dad would come to him all the time and say, hey, after school, I'll come by, we'll play baseball. He said he'd get excited, he'd go to school, if you can imagine, a little elementary school-aged boy. He'd come home, he'd get his ball glove, he'd get his hat, get his bat, get his ball, sit out on the front porch, wait for his dad to come by.

About five o'clock, his mom would step out the door and said, I don't think your dad's coming, it's time for supper. A little disappointed boy would come in and sit down at the supper table. When I asked him, I said, how often did your dad ask you or say he was going to come by and play ball?

Oh, he said that many, many times. And I asked him this. I said, how often did he come by?

I'll never forget his answer. Oh, he never did. Now, I can understand why some young people would struggle with expectation.

And certainly that father needs to do right. Obviously, in that case, probably never had and never will. It's a tragedy.

But the point, if you hang on to the expectation, in that particular situation, I remember that young man had. He'd given it to the Lord. He'd forgiven his dad and moved on.

You could tell there was no feeling toward his dad, even though his dad had wronged him. Many times, his young boy left him disappointed. But he certainly was not holding on to expectation.

So do you pass the test of expectation? Yeah, that person needs to do that. That brings us to a third very important test, and it's the test of revenge.

Now, immediately you're going to say, oh, Bridger, I'm not plotting revenge. Now, somebody could be. You might say, man, I'd really like to get that person back.

Obviously, you haven't forgiven. But the test of revenge is way more subtle than that. The test of revenge could even be this.

Something bad happens to the person. You go, yeah, serves them right. That's the test of revenge.

Or even just hoping something bad. Or hoping that someone will wrong them like they wronged you.

that's all the test of revenge subtle it'd be like this when a conversation comes up and that person's name is mentioned you begin to talk to people who are not a part of the problem not a part of the solution and you begin to make the person look bad kind of revenge to get back at them by making them look bad the test of revenge again it's more subtle than we think and a lot of young people in this room may struggle more with the

test of revenge not passing that test than you think so we have three tests and all it takes is not passing one of them and it indicates you have an unforgiving spirit.

So it could be the test of hurt. It could be the test of expectation. It could be the test of revenge.

So if you're out here saying, you know, preacher, I think I might have an unforgiving spirit. Yeah, some people have said and done some things. Yeah, there are people who've wronged me or maybe wronged my family.

Or it can sometimes, particularly for preacher's kids, when you see your dad wronged in a church, you can harbor bitterness toward those people. They didn't wrong you, but they wronged your family. Those things are very real.

So the question then is, how do we forgive? Okay, well, we've got to go to Bible example here this afternoon, and his name is Joseph. We all know the story of Joseph.

I would assume most do, I should say. And I have, from time to time, won't do it right now, but from time to time I've asked the question, how many out here have ever been sold into slavery and lived a significant portion of your life in slavery? Of course, no one raises their hand.

Some of you think, oh, you don't know my Christian school. I'm in slavery there. No, the truth is you're not.

Okay, it's not that bad. Okay, but the truth is nobody, nobody's been sold in slavery. You know, we know that.

In fact, I was preaching, then asked the second question, how many have ever been framed and innocently thrown into prison? I was preaching one place, and I said, just joking around, hey, how many have you ever been framed, thrown into prison? One lady, serious, has a heart attack?

Dead serious, raises her hand in the front row. I thought, moving right along, let's just leave that one alone. Ask no questions, and let's keep moving.

Okay, but the point is, yeah, I don't think anybody out here has been thrown into prison illegally and framed. Nobody out here has lost 13 years of your life in slavery and prison because somebody wronged you, but Joseph did. How many out here are 13 years old?

Can I see your hands placed? You're 13 years old. Okay, that's your entire life.

That's how long Joseph was in slavery and prison because other people made sinful choices. So we're going to go to the scene, which to me, I just think it's a phenomenal scene, when Joseph reveals himself to his brothers. now they're right now clueless that they're dealing with their brother they know they're dealing with the second most powerful man on planet earth and uh…

egypt at the time was the leading military power the most powerful nation on earth and joseph was number two in command now you have to understand number two in command in egypt would be different than number two in command in the united states because there was no constitution there was no supreme court there was no legislative body there was none of that and literally just absolute power So a little bit different situation.

So they're in front of him, and let's go ahead and begin reading, if we could please, at verse number three. And Joseph said unto his brethren, I am Joseph, that my father yet lived. And his brethren could not answer him, for they were troubled at his presence.

Don't you just love the Bible? They were troubled at his presence. I guess so.

Now, let me just teach you. How many of you have younger brothers and sisters? Can I see your hands, please?

Okay, can I give you a bit of advice? be careful how you treat particularly younger brothers because they might be on a different side of the gene pool. You know what I'm talking about?

You're on one side of the gene pool, 5'10", 145 pounds, and basically you work out and you got nothing. Okay, you know what I'm talking about? And this kid, you don't realize that when he's a little brother, he's on the other side of the gene pool, 6'5", 220 pounds, doesn't have to work out, he's solid muscle.

He looks like a V, you know what I'm talking about? I mean, just a solid rock. And one day you're going to regret, you know, I shouldn't have beat him up because now he's beating me up.

Okay, so that's what happened. You got a little Joe here, yeah, you know, and they beat him around, you know, a little bit. All of a sudden they realized, boy, did we make a mistake.

They were troubled at his presence. Now look at verse number four. This is humorous.

And Joseph said to his brethren, come near to me, I pray you. Now I may be reading in the text, but I get the idea the guys were backing away, heading for the exits, you know. He says, come near, come near.

That's not what they wanted to hear. And they came near. I go, what are you going to do?

I mean, he can just say, take their heads off, and you're done. He said, I am Joseph, your brother. Notice this, whom ye sold in Egypt.

Now, therefore, be not grieved nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither. For God did send me before you to preserve life, verse 7. And God sent me before you to preserve your posterity in the earth.

Now, all I want you to see, gang, is this. This is going to be point number one, because it's going to give you three things in the life of Joseph and God's formula for forgiveness. Notice in the very same breath, he says, you guys sold me into slavery.

In the very same breath, he says, God sent me to Egypt. So if I were asking you this morning, how did Joseph get to Egypt? Did his brothers sell him to slavery?

Is that how he got there? Or did God get him there? And the answer would be yes.

The answer would be both of them. Now, this is phenomenal if you think about it theologically. And really, to be honest with you, Joseph's understanding of this was remarkable.

He was basically saying, you guys made a sinful choice. It was wrong what you did, but God is so great, so big, so in control, so wise, so powerful, He took your sinful choice. He wove it into my life to accomplish the will of God without having anything to do with your sinful choice.

Now that's remarkable, isn't it? Which brings us to point number one. You must trust God to work everything together for good.

Do you know why many people are angry and bitter? Because they think somebody ruined their life. See, some of you have said, man, that ruined my life.

Why'd my mom say, that messed everything up. Why'd my dad walk out? I can't believe that.

And I'm talking to some of you who really do believe people's, what they've said and done in your life has ruined your life. But a statement like that leaves out a very important factor. And you know what that is called?

Or what I said, who that is called? That is God. Because God took a sinful choice.

Now, it's important for us to understand that you are free moral agents. Did you know you can make sinful choices that God didn't have anything to do with? Did you know that?

The Bible says that God does not tempt us with evil. And there's nobody in this room that can blame your sinful choices on God. Nobody.

So you are free moral agents. You can choose to sin. Some of you know what I'm talking about.

You already have today. Maybe an unkind word to a brother or sister or some other-ish situation. Who knows?

But the point is, you can make sinful choices, and you do. And other people are hurt by your sinful choices. Okay, we understand that.

God didn't have anything to do with it. You're a free moral agent. But God designed it that way.

He created us. He didn't create us as robots. So with that understanding then, but God is so great and so big that he can take sinful choices, weave them into our lives to accomplish the will of God.

Now let's just take a moment if we could, a parenthesis, and I want you to consider God. Now here's the problem we have as human beings. We think of everything through our own, just our own little perspective, and sometimes we don't think about God like the Bible presents him.

We almost think of him like us. Can I say carefully God didn't go to bed last night and God didn't wake up this morning? Do you know the Bible says God inhabits eternity?

Do you know what that means? God is not bound by time. God lives in every moment of time at the same time.

Do you know, while I'm preaching right now, God is watching me be born. While I'm preaching right now, God is watching me die, about 2050, something like that. And he's watching everything else in between.

He's watching everything. But not only that, while I'm preaching, he's watching Abraham walk planet Earth right now. And he's also watching the great white throne judgment.

Can I say this? When God wrote the book of Revelation, he was not predicting the future. He was watching it.

In fact, I remember going to a conference in 1999, and I loved this slogan. It said this, Entering the new millennium in the arms of him who's already been there. You realize God's already been in 2018.

God's in 2019. God's in 2020. God's already in the future.

He already sees it. Now, we can't comprehend it because the Bible says God has no beginning and he has no end. Now, if you try to comprehend what I just said, there is no way you can do it.

You're going to fry your hard drive. And some of your teachers are telling me you need all the hard drive you've got left. Okay, so don't do that.

But the point I'm saying, friends, is you can't comprehend infinity like that. That's a big God. But not only that, the Bible says he's infinite in wisdom.

What that means, if you've heard me say this before, has it ever occurred to you that nothing's ever occurred to God? God has never been walking down the street thinking, you know, I never thought about it before. Everything there is to think, God's always thought it.

Now that's hard for a student to understand because when you walk into a test, you thought you knew everything, but when the test came, you realized you didn't know anything. And the things you did study, kind of all of a sudden, are gone. That kind of thing has never happened to God.

He knows everything there is to know, always has. God doesn't learn anything. He's infinite in wisdom.

Hard to comprehend, but it's true. Not only that, he's everlasting in his love. You're saved on your way to heaven.

He says, yeah, I've loved thee with an everlasting love. Unbelievable thought. His love towards you is unchanging.

You might be in a home where you feel like love is conditional, but I'm telling you with God, love is unconditional. Now don't get me wrong, God's not happy with our sin, but God loves you as much when you're doing wrong as when you're doing right. Now he's grieved by it, and he will certainly chastise and discipline us because he loves us.

That's the point. He loves us. That's the point.

See, he has an everlasting love. Not only that, the Bible says he has an infinite power. Great is the Lord and great is his power.

So God has great power. The only thing God can't do is fail. I love the little song we used to sing in Sunday school, God can do anything but fail.

Okay, so we understand God has greatness power. Now with that understanding, friends, the very first step when it comes to forgiveness is trusting and believing that God can take those things that hurt you, those things that are difficult in your life, he can weave them into your life to accomplish the will of God without having anything to do with the sinful choices of those who sinned against you. Now, I'm telling you, many people endeavor to forgive people without crossing that first bridge.

And I don't know that you can thoroughly forgive somebody until you really see God's hand in it all. Someone has put it this way, when somebody wrongs you, it has to go through God. And by the time it goes through God, it's good when it gets to you.

Now, I don't understand all that, friends. I do not understand it all. But I'm simply saying the very first thing you need to say is, okay, they made a sinful choice.

Like Joseph said, you guys did wrong. but God sent me to Egypt. God's working it all together for good in ways I can't comprehend.

In fact, the Bible says in Psalm 78, verse 41, talking about the children of Israel, yea, they turned back and tempted God and limited the Holy One of Israel. Now, young person, do you know you can limit God? Can I say this?

The only one who can stop God from working it all together for good is you. Your unbelief. When you go, that stinks.

Why'd that have to happen? Man, that ruined everything. That messed up my high school.

Man, that wrecked everything. You see, you're the only one who can buy in the hands of God. It's your unbelief.

You read that verse. You read Psalm 78, and you realize God had a lot of good things he wanted to do in Israel, but they limited God. Unbelief.

Your unbelief. So number one, in order to forgive, you must cross the bridge of, okay, God, God, I'm just trusting you to work it all together for good. I don't know how.

All this seems bad. but God, I believe you can work it together for good. I had a young man travel with me in the 80s.

When he was five years old, he heard a huge bang from his parents' bedroom. He opened the door. No five-year-old should have to see this.

Nobody really should ever have to see it, but his dad was in a pool of blood. His dad, with a shotgun at his side, had pulled the trigger and taken his life. First one to discover it was a five-year-old.

Now, let's just admit that the dad, at best, made a sinful choice. I mean, it was a tragic sinful choice. And, of course, it plunged that family into just a nightmare.

You say, well, preacher, how could that work together for good? Was it God's will? Obviously not.

God doesn't tend men with evil. Clearly, God had nothing to do with a sinful choice. But that young man is an evangelist.

In fact, I just talked to him a few months ago. He goes from time to time into public schools, and he speaks on it. Anybody want to tell me what you think he might speak on?

Speaks on suicide. He just told me, Brother Van Gelder, and he said, I'm going to tell you. He said, it's not me, it's God.

But he said, those kids are in the palm of my hand. He said, when I tell my story, he said, everybody's listening. He said, when I'm talking about the bloodstained carpet, and I talk about the fact my dad had no life insurance, we couldn't move out of the house.

My mom had to take the bed and put it over the bloodstained carpet. He said, those kids are in the palm of my hand. Now, let's all admit, dad made a sinful choice.

But aren't you glad God worked it together for good? so that literally there will be young people who will be in heaven because God has opened the door for him to speak on suicide powerfully as a testimony of one who's experienced it up front, close and personal and very difficult yet God took it and all worked together for good. Why?

I'll tell you why because clearly the mother set the standard for the family and she trusted God and certainly the boys just came in line, many of them in the ministry today because of that mother's testimony So number one, you've got to trust God to work it together for good. Can you believe that? You say, preacher, what's happened to me?

Can't work together for good. I realize there are some bad things that happen. I'm not minimizing some really bad things that happen.

I understand that. And I'm not minimizing that they were wrong and they were sinful and breaking the law of God. But I'm just simply saying God's so great, so big, so in control that he can take them and work them together for good.

But he's waiting for you to trust him. So number one, trust God to work it together for good. Number two, let's look at verse number 10.

And thou shalt dwell in the land of Goshen, and thou shalt be near unto me, thou and thy children, and thy children's children, thy flocks, and thy herds, and all that thou hast, and there I will nurse thee for their yet five years of famine. Number two, do good to those that hurt you. Do good to those that hurt you.

If they're literally an instrument in the hand of God to bless you, can you get the idea that they're instrument in the hand of God, God wants to turn their evil to good. God says, your responsibility then is to do them good. Here's Joseph lost 13 years of his life.

That's what you'd think. But Joseph knew better. Because in those 13 years of slavery and prison, I'll tell you what, Joseph learned a lesson that absolutely set him up for unbelievable success.

I don't have time to turn there. But when Pharaoh came, brought him before himself and said, hey, people have told me that you interpret dreams. And of course, you know what Joseph said?

It is not in me, but God. Joseph in 13 years learned the insufficiency of self and the total sufficiency of God. And it was that lesson that propelled him forward.

So that Joseph could look back and even look at slavery and prison as an important part of God's preparation for his ministry and his work as second in command in Egypt. And you see, friends, God doesn't waste any time.

so sometimes we can't see it but that brings us to that point of doing someone doing them good now you say well richard i don't even know them anymore they're gone or i can't be around them because the nature of what they did okay there's one thing you can always do to bless somebody if they're still alive and the bible says pray for them that persecute you and and uh that take take advantage of you use despite please the word there can't remember the exact

wording But the point is,

friends, you can always pray for them. You can always pray.

Pray they'll get saved. If they're not saved, pray they'll get right with God. Pray God will work on their heart.

You know, whenever you're wronged, you have a unique insight to a need in that person's life. Did you know that every time you're wronged, God is commissioning you to be a prayer warrior for the person that wronged you? Did you know that?

I believe if God's people would get a hold of this, we'd see a lot more restoration in the lives of people because people are praying for them. God, that guy's got an anger problem. He hurt me.

He said a lot of things are hurtful. But God, you can change it. God, you could do that.

Listen, you might have an angry father out here, and I suppose the biggest issue I face with teenagers is angry fathers. And I'll be honest with you, in 33 years, coming across every week, I'm sure it's not every week, but it seems like every week, you're dealing with a kid whose problem is an angry father. I remember I was out in California a couple of years ago.

I'm sitting next to a kid, and he's broken and burdened about the fact. He's disrespectful to his dad, but he said his dad's just very angry and provocative, and he hasn't responded correctly. And, of course, his dad's not there.

I can't deal with his dad, so I try to help him. All of a sudden, cell phone buzzes. He looks at it.

You can see the fear on his face. He said, that's my dad. I've got to go.

I've got to go. He said, I'll be back. I'll be back.

He slips out of the auditorium. It was the end of the school day. And he's gone maybe five minutes, and he comes back crestfallen.

He sits next to me and says, yeah, that was my dad. He just roasted me for not being outside when I got outside. I thought to myself, unbelievable.

Here's a father. His son's in there broken because of the fact. He's got an anger problem, and he reacts to his dad instead of having the right spirit, which he needs to get right.

And then while he's dealing with that, his dad blows up again. But it's like one young man I heard say, you know, when you get right with God, it doesn't mean the circumstances will change. It just means now you've got God to give you grace through it.

Your circumstances may not change. That's not the point. The point is God's grace is sufficient, and it starts, friends, when you, and let me just say this about angry problems, and I'm just saying this because, young person, if you get bitter at your dad or your mom for that matter, I know there are some angry mothers, though that's a little more rare.

If you get bitter at your parents, I'm going to tell you right now, you will turn into them. And I will tell you, you know what hurting teenagers become? They become bitter parents.

And anger or bitterness toward a father that's angry, you say, I'll never be like my dad. I will never be like you. You'll be just like him.

I may be talking to a father in this room who has an anger problem, and you look back, your dad did too. And you never know. Listen, my dad was not perfect, but I never remember my dad saying or doing anything that caused me to get angry at him, not one time.

I will tell you, God's grace is a big deal.

and the truth is as I understand it my grandfather did have an anger problem and I didn't really express it much toward the kids but he was frustrated with life so the point friends is this is a big deal and there's two issues by the way I was talking with dad sometimes it's anger sometimes it's passivity it's what I call the absent dad obviously those two illustrations I gave or the one illustration about anger toward a father that was never there would be the absent dad,

but the absent dad actually can live in the house. I was preaching the state of, well, I won't say which state, but a western state, and after I presented some material on bitterness, I've got several passages I deal with on bitterness, such a big deal today. The pastor got up afterwards and he was crying.

He's older than I am. He said, I realize something today I've never realized in all my life. He said, I've been bitter at my dad.

he said my dad provided for us he'd work a job bring home the bread but when my dad came through the doors of the house he sat in his easy chair threw up his newspaper and he never engaged me in a father-son relationship he said we had none i knew he loved me in the sense that he provided for me but there was no relationship he said i realize now for years i've been bitter at my dad see some of you know what i'm talking

about and i'll be honest with you if your parents were here,

I would deal with them. Because I think an angry father is a big deal. And I am dealing, picking up the pieces every week of my life about fathers who did not get victory over their anger.

And I'm not justifying it, I'm just simply saying God's bigger than that and He can give you grace. Even though the circumstances don't change, you don't have to be a statistic. God is bigger than that.

So understanding that brings us simply to that point, you do good to them that wrong you. Now I realize, like I said, sometimes people aren't around, do good to them that despitefully use you and pray for them that despitefully use you and persecute you. There I got the wording there out.

And that's certainly what you do. But many times I would say that's the minority situation. Most of you in this room live with the people or you're around the people who've wronged you.

So the question would be, what are you going to do about that? Well, the Bible says you do them good. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath.

For it is written, vengeance is mine, I will repay, sayeth the Lord. Therefore, if thine enemy hunger, anybody know? Feed him.

If he thirsts, anybody know? Give him drink. For in so doing thou should heap coals of fire in his head.

Be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with. Anybody know? Yeah.

That's how you overcome evil. And for some of you, that may simply mean when you go home, you know what your parents like, what they don't like. Just start doing them good.

Now, they might have to call 911, and they might think your dad had a heart attack, but you know, start doing them good. That's the idea, friends, is what he's talking about here, and it could be simple things. It could be someone who's wronged you at school, or a former friend who turned his back on you, or somebody who said unkind things behind your back.

God says you overcome evil with good. So number two, do good to those that hurt you. Do good to those that hurt you.

It's also interesting in that verse of Scripture, it says, avenge not yourselves, but rather thanks unto wrath. For it is written, vengeance is mine. I will repay, saith the Lord.

And so really what God is saying is, don't worry about it. I'll make sure it comes out all right. It's your job to do them good.

I'll make sure justice is served. Shall not the judge of all the earth do right? And if you're really sincerely in the thing, you should really want that person to get right with God so they don't face God's judgment.

That's your bottom line goal. So that's why the test of revenge I mentioned earlier clearly indicates an unforgiving spirit because God says, I'll take care of. In fact, Joseph, you know, we'll see this passage in a moment at the end of the book of Genesis.

After his father died, his brothers were afraid he was going to get back at them. And so they literally come down and they bowed before him and said, behold, we be thy servants. And you know what Joseph said?

He said, am I in the place of God? Joseph understood New Testament truth like very few New Testament believers do. You know what he was saying?

It's not my responsibility to get you back. God makes sure it all comes out all right. Am I in the place of God?

What? The Bible even says about Jesus that he was suffered. He threatened not, but committed himself to him, the judges, righteously.

Unbelievable. Well, if Jesus did it, certainly we should. The point is, friends, it's not your job to get the person back.

It's your job to do them good. If he thirsts, give him drink. If he's hungry, give him something to eat.

Overcome evil with good. My grandmother, and some have heard stories about my grandmother, was a unique woman. She I was a prayer warrior like, I mean, few I've known.

I have known some very much in her spirit. But in her early years, before she really got on the journey, or while she was in the early stages of her journey, something happened that probably defined her life. She had a sister-in-law live nearby, or actually next door, who had problems.

I think she was a kleptomaniac. I think she had mental problems. She would come into my grandmother's house and steal, just indiscriminately, Just take whatever.

Random. Just take stuff. I don't think she would even sell it.

It was just she'd do it. My grandmother was a meticulous gardener. And, of course, if you're in Miami, Florida, you can garden 12 months a year.

Up here in Wisconsin, what do we garden? Two weeks? Maybe three?

I don't know. But anyway, so. So anyway, she had this beautiful garden.

And this sister-in-law would come in when she was away, and she'd transplant flowers. And she'd take them next to her yard, and she'd put them in her yard. How would you like to walk out in your garden?

Hey, those, they jumped the fence. Must be a new species. Okay, but anyway.

The point was, that'd be difficult. You say, preacher, what did she do? What did she do?

I'll tell you what she did. When she really began to struggle, my grandmother had simple faith, and if the Bible said you overcome evil with good, you overcome evil with good. And in my grandmother's definition of good, one of the best things she could think of was a homemade fruit pie.

Don't you think she was close to the truth on that? I'm not sure there's much more good than that. She'd get in there.

I know some of you have no idea what homemade crust is from scratch. You ever heard that terminology? I think your great-grandmother used that terminology.

But anyway, and she'd make the pie crust from scratch, and she'd put in a cherry or apple or whatever. And then, you know, they cut the things that would weave like a basket on top. How many of you know what I'm talking about?

Okay, yeah. Okay, some of you do. Some of you still have authentic grandmothers.

Unbelievable. Okay. And so she'd put it in there, you know, and the pie filling would start to bubble, and it'd brown over.

I mean, you slap some vanilla ice cream on that, you'd think you'd died and gone to heaven. You know what I'm talking about? And so she'd pull that out of the other.

Pie filling would still be bubbling, you know. It would be golden brown. And she'd take it next door, knock on the next door neighbor's house or sister-in-law's house.

And the sister-in-law would open the door and she'd hand it in. And she said, I just want to tell you how much I love you. Do you know that my grandmother never got bitter?

She baked a lot of pies, but she never got bitter. You know why? Because she believed the simple truth.

You overcome evil with good. So number one, you trust God to work it together for good. Number two, you do good to them that hurt you.

And number three, go if you would, please. I know, go to Genesis 50. I told you we're going there, so let's go to the very end.

One final thing we need to see. Genesis 50. And Joseph returned, verse 14, into Egypt.

He and his brethren, all that went up with him to bury his father after he had buried his father. And when Joseph's brethren saw that their father was dead, they said, Joseph will peradventure hate us and will certainly requite us all the evil which we did unto him. They were expecting revenge.

They sent a messenger unto Joseph, saying, Thy father did command before he died, saying, The so shall you say unto Joseph, Forgive, I pray thee now, the trespass of thy brethren and their sin, for they did unto the evil. And now we pray thee, Forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of the Father. Notice this phrase.

Joseph wept when they spake unto him. And his brethren also went, fell down before his face. And here it is.

They said, Behold, we be thy servants. And Joseph said unto them, Fear not, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you thought evil against me, but God meant it unto good to bring to pass as it is this day to save much people alive.

Therefore, fear you not, I will nourish you. Now I want you to see, he reemphasizes, you guys meant it for evil, God meant it for good. I call that the Romans 8.28 of the Old Testament.

You meant it for evil, God meant it for good. He said, it's my responsibility to take care of you. I'm going to nourish you, I'm going to take care of you.

So understand, friend, he reemphasizes our first two points of the message. Trust God to work it together for good. Number two, do good to those that hurt you.

And number three, when they finally come and say, would you forgive us? What does Joseph do? He weeps.

Now, please understand, friend, when it comes to forgiveness, you can't give it to somebody who doesn't ask for it. The Bible says, in fact, well, that brings me to point number three. I'll go ahead and say it.

Number three, you've got to forgive. Now we're at forgiveness. Number three, you've got to forgive.

And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven you. In other words, God says you forgive just like God does. And I've heard people say you cannot offer the forgiveness until someone asks.

In a certain sense, that's true. But when they ask, you need to have it ready. The Bible says about God in Psalm 86, he is ready to forgive.

Now, I'm not trying to be in any way irreverent. But aren't you glad when you come to God, God, I was wrong. I got upset with that person.

Oh, God, would you forgive me? Aren't you glad that God doesn't say, you know, you've really been messing up the last few days. I'm going to have to think about this for a while.

Aren't you glad God doesn't do that? Bible says he's ready to forgive. When somebody comes as a hell-bound sinner, falls down before God and says, I deserve to go to hell, oh, Jesus, forgive me.

Aren't you glad God doesn't say, boy, you're pretty bad. Let me give you a couple days. I'll get back to you.

God doesn't do that. He's ready to forgive. And if God is ready to forgive in his infinity, how can we be ready to forgive in our finiteness?

And the answer is the gift's got to be ready. You've got to cross the bridge. And the only way to cross the bridge is to do it, to forgive.

Now, you can't give the gift until the person says, will you forgive me? I already have. Cheers.

You don't go just like God doesn't forgive people until they ask. You can't give it until they ask, but it needs to be ready. That's, I believe, the tension balance.

You've got to have the gift ready. So you say, preacher, how do you forgive? See, the word forgiveness is a little bit abstract.

Sometimes people wonder, how do I do this? Well, actually, if we use one of the pictures God gives us, Jesus, of course, spoke in parables. And I don't know about you, in working with teenagers, I found if you can get a concrete illustration to help them understand abstract truth, it sticks with them.

It sticks with me longer. So let's think about this forgiveness. Picture of forgiveness.

In the book of Luke, Jesus gives a parable, and in the parable, he uses an illustration that helps us understand forgiveness. I was preaching, I believe, in Kenya, And I told those Kenyans, I said, I hate to tell you this, Kenyans, but we Americans are better at this picture than you are. I think they were looking at me, well, what's the picture?

I've preached in several foreign countries, and I say, we Americans are better at this picture than anybody in the world except maybe Greeks. You say, well, preacher, what's the picture? Okay, the picture is a picture of debt.

Yeah, we're really good at this thing. We Americans are better than most anybody on this debt thing. Okay, so what's the picture?

Okay, forgiveness then would be this. Let me, if I could, please, use a simple illustration. Okay, so here's the illustration.

If you owed me a million dollars and I forgave you the debt, tell me, how much would you owe me? And the answer is nothing. That's forgiveness.

Forgiveness is going into the throne room of God and saying, my dad has said many hurtful things. He's hurt me many times, God. And there's many difficult things that have happened in my life.

But God, they don't owe me anything. I'm forgiving them. They owe me nothing.

If they never ask forgiveness, it's okay. If they never make restitution, it's okay on my end. I certainly, for them, their sake want them to.

But as far as I'm concerned, they don't have to. I'm forgiving them. I'm hitting the delete button.

Young person, forgiveness is saying to God, God, they don't owe me anything. If nothing changes, that's not what I want, but that's okay. I won't harbor that bitterness and anger.

You can't be angered toward nothing, and you can't harbor bitterness toward nothing. Forgiveness means it's gone. I'm saying to God, I'm letting it go.

I'm releasing the debt. Like I said, when somebody wrongs you, whether they know it or not, they're in debt to you. Because you, whatever.

Forgiveness, thank God, nothing. They don't owe me anything. You say, well, preacher, I know what's going to happen.

It's like that guy you mentioned earlier, that person said to you, the circumstances may not change when you get right. That's what's going to happen. I'm going to home.

The same thing is going to happen. Well, let me just tell you something, young person. It might.

But I got really good news for you. Every single time you're wrong, God's grace is still there. It's more than enough.

And the whole point of what you need to understand is you might have to do it again. Okay, God, I've seen it. You're going to work it together for good.

Okay, I want to do them right. I want to pray, Lord, work in their life. God, help them to see this anger is killing them.

Is that okay, God? I forgive them. God, they don't owe me anything.

Just go through it again. And you say, well, preacher, what's going to happen if I start thinking about it and I get all worked up about it again? Okay, do it again.

God, I believe you're going to work it together for good. God, work in their life. Help them to see the blind spot.

God, do a miracle don't owe me anything. You know what you will do? You will renew your mind. You see, some of you, it's like this, and I really appreciated some of you from the church here know Pastor Van Gelderen was dealing with parent-child relationships all summer long, and the gender, one gender parent toward opposite gender, and then same gender, and very helpful, and in fact, some of you that would like to get those messages, I know they'd be a help,

but I think one thing he said was very interesting, sometimes tension comes when there's the same gender parenting and the same gender kid came from the different side of the gene pool. You with me on that?

I'll be honest with you, all my kids, I understand a little bit of how they think when they have the Van Gelden genes. You know what I'm talking about? I get that.

Okay, yeah, I know how they're thinking, because I do. But sometimes there becomes tension, particularly in same gender relationships, when the son comes from a different side of the gene pool than the father, and they just, They just don't relate. And then if the father doesn't react spiritually, then you're in a situation where there's friction and there's problems.

Some of you say, well, yeah, I can't preach. I can relate to that. Some of you young ladies with your mother, yeah, we don't get along very well.

Why don't you just start praying? You think God's big enough to fix that? I think God can do that.

But it's all going to start when you're saying, okay, God, I'm going to trust you to work it together for good. And let God work in my mom's life. Help her to see it.

Help me to see what my issues are. God, I forgive. I know those things were hurtful.

But I'm letting it go. And I believe you're big enough to take this thing and work it together for good. It's God's formula for forgiveness, friend.

I'm speaking right now to young people who sense you're the only one in the room. It's like God is arresting your attention and saying that's your problem. You're harboring an unforgiving spirit.

The year was 1947. Corrie ten Boom was giving her testimony at church in Munich, Germany. How many of you are familiar with Corrie ten Boom and the famous The Hiding Place?

Put your hands down. That's far more than normal.

normally just one or two hands Corrie Ten Boom her sister Betsy and the father hid Jews during the Nazi occupation of Holland something that just came to them and they took it as from the Lord the Gestapo was tipped off by a neighbor they raided the house never found the Jews but they did take Corrie and Betsy off one direction the father another direction within days the father died he was enfeebled an old man died unbeknownst to the sisters for months.

The other Ravensbrück concentration camps where Corrie and Betsy ended up, Corrie, the stronger constitution of the two, watched her weaker sister Betsy die a slow, terrible, agonizing death while she helplessly watched. After her sister's death, she was released miraculously on a clerical error. After the war, she of course began a ministry, a healing ministry of people who'd been in camps, but she was giving her testimony shortly after the war was over, 1947, a church in Munich, Germany, when she saw him.

The first thing she saw was a middle-aged man, brown coat, brown felt-tip hat, and then in her mind's eye, it all came racing back. She saw the gray uniform, the viscered cap with skull and crossbones. She recognized him, a guard at Ravensbrück Concentration Camp.

After the service, the guard came up to him, immediately came up to her, stuck out his hand, and said a fine message for a line, How wonderful it is to know that all of our sins are in the depths of the sea. He said, I was a guard at Ravensbrück concentration camp. And later, Corrie Ten Boom wrote when he said those words, my blood seemed to freeze.

He said, I did many horrible and terrible things while I was there. But since that time, I've become a Christian. And I know God has forgiven me.

He said, will you? But Fraulein, I want to hear it from your lips too. Will you forgive me?

Corrie Ten Boom wrote later, I stood there. and I could not. Betsy had died in that place.

How could he simply for the asking, erase her slow, terrible death? He said it seemed like hours. It only could have been seconds.

But he said it seemed like hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing that I ever had to do. For she said, I knew I had to do it. For God's forgiveness in my life, she said, I realize this contingent on my forgiving others.

Did you know that, Christian? If you forgive men your trespasses, their trespasses, your heavenly Father will forgive your trespasses. If you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your heavenly Father forgive your trespasses.

That's not talking about heaven and hell. That's talking about Christians. In other words, when you harbor an unforgiving spirit, 1 John 1.9 won't work.

That's what it means. You have no way to restore fellowship with God until you forgive those who've wronged you. She said, I wrestled with the most difficult thing I ever had to do.

And she said, then it hit me. Forgiveness is an act of the will. She said, "I cried out to God, 'God, I'll lift my hand.

'" You have to remember the man standing there with an outstretched hand. That was the indication of forgiveness. She said, "God, I'll lift my hand.

You supply the feeling." I wish she'd used the word grace, but I think that's what she meant. She wrote later slowly, woodenly, mechanically. She said, "I lifted my hand and when I did so, an incredible thing took place." She said, I looked at the man, and from the bottom of my heart, she said, I forgive you, my brother.

I forgive you with all of my heart. And she wrote later, I never experienced God's love so intensely as I did at that moment. God's formula for forgiveness.

Some of you, God has revealed why your Christian life, it doesn't work very well. Because there's still some unforgiveness towards somebody who's wrong.

maybe someone you haven't been around in a long time the question friend is what will you do can I ask every head bowed please and every eye closed heads are bowed and eyes are closed the heads bowed and eyes closed how many would say preacher I'm not perfect no man is but I can't thank anybody dead or alive and yes you can be bitter dead people I can't think of anybody dead or alive that I have bitterness hatred or anger in my heart toward just

can't thank anybody raise your hand please just can't thank anybody you can put your hands down I'm going to just be dead honest with you that is a much higher percentage than normal however it still fell short of the 50 percent mark and I appreciate the honesty of many of you kept your hands down and I know there's a wrestling match going on in your heart.

Now I got a question for you. You're going to deal with it? You're going to deal with it?

Your parents aren't perfect. Other situations in your life may not be perfect. Never will be.

But I will tell you one thing that is perfect is God's way is perfect. And he will work it together for good if you'll just stop getting bitter and angry and trust him to do it. The heads of out and eyes are closed.

And I'm going to tell you right now, friend, If God's knocking on your heart, don't push God away. He wants to give you freedom. He wants you liberated.

He no longer wants you in chain to that bitterness and anger that you're just killing. Whatever it might be. Here's what we're going to do.

In a moment, I'm going to give an invitation. I'm going to ask in these circumstances, workers, that we put them all in the same room just for a moment. I'm going to ask you to get on your knees.

And I'm going to ask you to just start talking to God. I'll come right into the room. And I'm going to, with heads bowed and eyes closed, just go over the three categories and let you pray these three categories.

And then we'll have you, ladies with ladies, men with men, the counselor just get with you and make sure you're on the victory side. Now you decide what you're gonna do. The invitation won't be long, but if you say, preacher, I'm ready to forgive.

I'm ready to let it go. I'm ready to deal with it. I'm sick of the bitterness, the anger.

I just wanna deal with it. Then just in a moment, when I give the invitation, stand to your feet, open your eyes, head to the back. I'll go to one room.

I'll walk you through it, and then we'll have a counselor get with you just to make sure you're on the victory side. So you decide what you're going to do. You say, okay, preacher, I'm sitting here right now.

God is on my front porch. He is ringing my doorbell, and he's saying, that's for you. That's for you.

What are you going to do about it? Now, I'm not having hands raised. I'm just going to simply say this.

If you know there's an issue, you're going to deal with a forgiveness. I'm going to ask you right now. Stand to your feet, open your eyes, and head to the back.

To do that, just stand right to your feet. Open your eyes. and head to the back.

I know there's a battle raging in some of your hearts. Somebody is just, preacher, I've got to let it go. I've just got to let it go.

Anybody else? I'm just pleading with the one where there's a battle raging in your heart. If you're out here right now saying, I just can't forgive, Let me just simply say that comes from the heart of the flesh.

You can do all things through Christ, just like Corrie Ten Boom found out. If anyone else that needs to step out, do so now. And I'll turn it over to Brother Raines.

We'll close the service in prayer. If you still need to slip out, then you do that.