Have you ever been hurt by someone—and I mean really hurt? Maybe someone spread a lie about you, treated you unfairly, betrayed your trust, or ignored your pain. And even though the moment has passed, it still stings. Every time you think about it, it’s like the wound reopens. You feel it in your chest, in your jaw, in your fists.
That, my friend, is bitterness. And it’s doing more damage to you than it is to the person who wronged you.
But what if you could be free?
Let’s talk about how.
The Hidden Cost of Holding On
Bitterness can feel justified. After all, isn’t it wrong for people to get away with hurting others? Doesn’t God care about justice? Yes, He does. But the problem comes when you try to take justice into your own hands.
The Bible says, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: neither give place to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27). Anger itself isn’t the problem—God made us with the ability to feel upset when wrongs are done. That’s part of His image in us. But when we stew in that anger overnight, when we hold onto the hurt and let it fester, we give the devil a foothold in our hearts.
Bitterness is like handing Satan a plot of land in your life and saying, “Here, build something destructive.” He’s more than happy to oblige.
You Are Not the Judge
A lot of times, bitterness clings to our souls because deep down, we feel like someone has to pay. And when it looks like no one’s holding them accountable, we try to step in and do the job ourselves—whether through cutting words, icy silence, gossip, or just holding onto the anger.
But listen carefully: you are not the judge. You are not the jury, and you most certainly are not the executioner. God says in Romans 12:19, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”
That means you can let go. You don’t need to carry the burden of justice. God saw what happened. He knows the whole story—every detail, even the ones you missed. And one day, He will make it right.
Until then, your job is to trust Him… and forgive.
What Forgiveness Really Is
Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending it didn’t hurt. It doesn’t mean acting like what happened was okay. And it certainly doesn’t mean trusting the person again right away.
Forgiveness means releasing them from your personal judgment. It’s taking them off your hook and leaving them on God’s. It’s saying, “I’m done carrying this. I choose to let it go.”
Ephesians 4:31-32 gives us a beautiful picture of what this looks like: “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
If you’re a child of God, you’ve already been forgiven of far more than you’ll ever be asked to forgive someone else for. Jesus didn’t wait until you were sorry—He died for you while you were yet a sinner (Romans 5:8). That’s the kind of forgiveness we’re called to give.
How Do You Start?
If your heart is weighed down with anger, here’s what you can do right now:
- Name the hurt. Be honest with God about what happened and how it made you feel.
- Say the words. Out loud if you need to. “I forgive them.” Not because they deserve it, but because you need freedom.
- Let God handle the justice. Trust Him with the outcome. He hasn’t forgotten, and He’s a far better Judge than you’ll ever be.
- Walk in kindness. Replace the bitterness with the actions of love. Pray for them. Speak well of them. Treat them how you wish they had treated you.
It won’t be easy. But it will be worth it.
Bitterness Can’t Ride With You
If you want to live a life of total surrender to God and total dependence on His power—if you want to be used by Him to reach the world with the gospel—there’s no room in your heart for bitterness. It’s like trying to run a race with a boulder chained to your ankle.
Cut the chain. Say the words. “I forgive them.”
That might just be the strongest thing you’ll ever do.
Bobby Bosler is director of Thee Generation and pastor of Fellowship Baptist Church in Fairmont, WV. He, his wife, Abi, and their four children traveled the country for 14 years in evangelism, reaching teens with the gospel and conducting revival meetings.
Our words. AI polished. This article was adapted from the author's original content using AI. We’ve used technology to clarify and adapt the message—while keeping the heart and voice the same. All articles are proofread and edited by a human.
