If you’ve ever found yourself making eyes across the room, chatting a little too long with someone you’re interested in, or even talking about “who likes who” with your friends, you’re not alone. In fact, this is so common that most people shrug it off as “just being friendly.” But God has a lot more to say about how we relate to the opposite gender—and it’s not just about what you think you’re doing. It’s about how God sees it.
Let’s get real. Flirting isn’t harmless. It’s often the first step down a road that leads away from God’s best. In 1 Thessalonians 4:3, Paul doesn’t mince words: “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication.” That means your purity matters deeply to God—not just your physical purity, but also the way you think, the way you talk, and yes, the way you interact with others.
Flirting Can Be Deceiving
Some teens think they’re just being nice. They make a girl coffee every day or compliment a guy on how spiritual he is. But to the other person? It feels like something more. That’s called defrauding—giving someone the idea that you’re interested when you’re not prepared to commit. Paul warns against this directly: “That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter…for God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness” (1 Thessalonians 4:6–7).
It’s not about following a bunch of rules to avoid getting in trouble. It’s about honoring God in how you treat others. Flirting feeds the flesh, not the Spirit. It centers on getting attention, stirring up emotions, and sometimes even manipulating others for selfish reasons. God calls us to something so much higher.
What’s Really Going On?
Most of the time, when someone flirts, it’s not just about the person they’re flirting with—it’s about something going on in their heart. Maybe they’re not sure God values them. Maybe they think they’re incomplete without a relationship. Or maybe they don’t trust God to bring the right person in the right time.
Here’s the thing: flirting isn’t just a bad habit. It’s a symptom. And the root problem usually boils down to one of these four areas:
- Unbiblical thinking – Believing lies like “God doesn’t have a specific will for me” or “my life won’t count until I’m married.”
- Unresolved conflict – Carrying bitterness toward parents or spiritual authorities and refusing to communicate.
- Unsurrendered heart – Wanting to be in control instead of letting God write the story.
- Unbelief – Doubting that God is really in control, or that He can bring the right person in His time.
So, What Should You Do?
If any of this hits close to home, don’t panic—but don’t ignore it either. God’s will is not for you to push boundaries, stir up emotions, or chase affirmation through romantic drama. God’s will is your sanctification. That means He wants you to grow, to mature, and to become more like Christ. And yes, that includes how you handle your relationships.
Maybe today is the day you need to say, “Lord, I surrender this area to You.” Maybe you need to ask someone for help, or sit down with an authority figure and have an honest conversation. Whatever it is, don’t let flirting be the thing that sidelines your walk with God or messes up someone else’s.
God is calling you to holiness. Not just to avoid sin, but to pursue His best. Trust Him. He knows what He’s doing. And when the time is right, He’ll bring the right person in the right way—for His glory and your good.
“Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.”
1 Thessalonians 5:24
If you want more content on flirting and emotional purity, Ryan Swanson did an excellent series on it that would be worth your time to listen to.
Bobby Bosler is director of Thee Generation and pastor of Fellowship Baptist Church in Fairmont, WV. He, his wife, Abi, and their four children traveled the country for 14 years in evangelism, reaching teens with the gospel and conducting revival meetings.
Our words. AI polished. This article was adapted from the author's original content using AI. We’ve used technology to clarify and adapt the message—while keeping the heart and voice the same. All articles are proofread and edited by a human.
