Janna Van Gelderen: Hello there, I’m Janna Faith. 

Anna Faith Gillmore: And I’m Anna Faith, and welcome to episode 23 of Faith Talks. 

Janna: Well we are excited today to continue in our journey of talking about different relationships. Just to review, we had with Mrs. Shaw, the relationships with the lost that you can build, and then with Mrs. De Leon, just that walk with God and the relationship there through trials, and then last month with sibling relationships. So we are excited to introduce the topic for today. And this relationship has something to do with the holiday that happens to be coming this weekend. And today I was actually out in Milwaukee driving, and I saw all these booths with, like, bouquets of roses. There was one that had like all these packages of teddy bears, and I’ve never seen Silver Spring quite like that. But, and I saw all these people buying flowers and even some people delivering them at different doors, and it all had to do with that special day that’s coming up tomorrow which is Mother’s Day. And it was interesting we were looking up stuff in America, $3.2 billion is spent on flowers alone on Mother’s Day. So it’s, it accounts for a lot of the flowers that people are buying. And we also just want to focus on the privilege that it is to be a woman, and in our day in which we live that’s often really attacked, but it really is such a gift to be a lady. 

Anna Faith: Yes, I agree. And recently I’ve been in a college class just focused on the home, and we were looking at how God made humanity male and female. And, our teacher was talking about when we see God for who He is, we see both aspects of the male and female sides. And I’ve seen that marriage relationship, but also in the home, and specifically as women of God, we see the very heart of God through our emotional, our relational makeup that God has created us, and like Jan was saying, a lot of times it’s attacked in our world, and it is really a special gift, and just seeing that it is part of who God is. That, just that gift of femininity, and so today we’re just going to focus on that and specifically in the relationship, as Jan was talking about Mother’s Day, we’re excited to have a mother-daughter combo here today. It’s a special thing here, and we have with us Mrs. Chris Reed and Hannah Forster, who also was, used to be a Reed. She’s married now, and little fun fact, we’ve had Jess and Emma Reed on our podcast. You probably have listened to their podcasts, but we have the original Reed girls here with us today because both of them married into the family. So, if you just wouldn’t mind sharing a little bit about yourself and just some background so the girls can understand maybe Mrs. you can start first. 

Christine Reed: Okay. I I grew up in a family of basically new Christian parents. My dad was saved when I was two, and my mom had been saved as a teenager but never really was discipled or grew. The oldest of three, so I have two brothers that are younger than I am, I grew up going to public school. I went to what was then called Baptist— the Baptist Bible College in Clarks Summit, Pennsylvania, and where I met my husband, and together we have eight children. We have five boys and three girls, and Hannah is our youngest daughter. And Hannah kind of grew up being around all the brothers instead of the older sisters. So my husband has been in the ministry for several years and then also has been self-employed, but still preaches a lot. So we’ve had several children that have come to the school and it looks like next year we won’t have anybody, which will be interesting. 

Hannah Foerster: I think that will be the first time in 10 years that someone won’t be enrolled. At least 10 years. So I’m Hannah and I’m number five of the kids. So I actually am right in the middle of all the boys. And I was born in Maine, which is where my parents still live. And grew up there; I, we were homeschooled. And… I was saved at a young age because my dad was a pastor when I was really little. And so, I, as long as I can remember, I grew up, you know, in a like, it was a good Christian home the whole time. And, I just, I heard a lot about the Bible, and, I really felt like, you know, as a family, we had good relationships, and I really appreciated just the relationships I had with my siblings and with both of my parents. 

Janna: Now your older sister, how many years was it that she was older than you? 

Hannah: My oldest sister is 10 years older than me and then the other sister is 8 years older. 

Janna: So that was definitely a different dynamic. And maybe proved to strengthen your relationship with your mom just being the only girl at time. Yeah, I kind of, after both of my sisters got married, I was… you know, the girl at home to be able to help mom. Because my dad is self-employed, he can have people just work with him anytime. So my brothers, during the summer especially, my brothers were always working with my dad, so, especially towards the latter years, like mom and I would be home a lot together. Even when I was working away from home too, I would, you know, I’d come home before the guys would, so we would spend time working around the house and different things like that. 

And I’m sure that proved to even build and strengthen your relationship more. Would you mind just sharing any more ways or just different things you’ve found that have strengthened that relationship as mother daughter? 

Hannah: Yeah, I honestly, when I really started thinking about all this, the biggest thing that came to my mind was just communication. Naturally, I, and anyone who knows me, would say I like to talk and I can talk pretty much all the time. So talking and just chatting and everything is very natural and easy for me, so mom and I would, we’d talk quite a bit. Like, I’ll let mom share a couple of stories from when I was really little all the way to when I was a teen working away. 

Mrs. Reed: Well, and that just kind of triggered the thought that when Andrew, her husband, came and was talking to my husband about his desire to marry her, and one of the things my husband said was, you know, she’s going to talk a lot. So, but yeah, she was a real talker. The thing that I remember the most about her when she was little, and she had to have been maybe 2 or so, going down for a nap was so difficult because she would not stop talking, and I would put her in bed. And it wasn’t like it was naughty things, it was just talking. She just kept talking or singing, and I’d say, Hannah, you have to be quiet and go to sleep, and so she would get disciplined for that often. And the funny thing is, a few weeks ago, Hannah called and said that they were having a real difficult time with her daughter, Jenny, because she just kept talking. She would be awake at like, 10 o’clock at night, just not going to sleep because she was talking. I just couldn’t believe that actually passed down. 

Hannah: And then when I was in high school and also in even after I graduated college, I would come home from work and… I’d sit down at the counter and eat my lunch that I didn’t have a chance to eat during the day while I was working because it got so busy. I’d just sit there and tell mom about everything that had happened in my day. I always appreciated her being willing to listen to me just talk. I honestly didn’t really realize how much she probably listened to me until I started thinking about it recently. I was like, wow, mom heard me talk a lot. Like, every single day. But I say all of that to say… communication is important and I think in our relationship talking and communicating was important. But just talking on the surface level and just because it was easy for me didn’t necessarily make us have an amazing relationship. I looking back, I’d see our relationship as good all the way through, but there was a period of time where I made some decisions that actually made our relationship even deeper, and it goes back to communication again, vut it was because I was very honest and intentional about my communication, not just because I like to talk, but because I needed to be open with her. That actually made a huge difference in our relationship being even deeper, and that was actually a couple of months before I started seriously being in a relationship with my husband-to-be. And I just there were some things that I had been struggling with for several years, and I had shared some of it with my parents at different points, but I had never come… at that point I had not been totally honest about where I was at and what I was struggling with. And finally, when I decided to, okay, I need to be open, and I communicated fully to where I was at, it just totally changed things, and I feel like then it was only like, eight or nine months until I was married and moving from Maine to Wisconsin. And, but I am so thankful for that, that change, so that the time I did have left at home, that I would be able to have that deeper relationship with mom and it’s continued and I’m like, now, so I’m thankful for the, the chance to, even though we have to do it over the phone most of the time to be able to continue to talk with her and to be open with her. And like, it also translates into now my relationship with my daughter who’s only one and a half, but anything she can say or any sound she can make she does. And now being able to, you know, even talking through some of these points, like it’s really important for my communication with my daughter. 

Anna Faith: I can attest to just the importance of being just that intentional, a deep talk with your mom, and I know like even growing up obviously I come from a big family, so the time you have to talk is very minimal just because there’s so many kids and so, I’m actually not a talker so a lot of times even if I’m with my mom, like be more quiet and usually if I’m trying to get something out it’s not till like the very end and then I want to say more and I have to cut short, but just recently, actually last year there’s a message I heard on the difference between being open and being broken with just that full disclosure to everything that’s going on inside. And honestly, I feel like it wasn’t until this year and God just continuing to deepen my relationship with him that I just realized, you know, I need to be fully broken before my parents in everything. And so when I went to my mom and just said, Mom, I feel like I’ve told you most everything and here’s just everything again, and even just saying, if you want to ask about anything, I’ll tell you about anything. And just that… just the ability, after I did that, just our relationship just was so much stronger, and I honestly feel like it was from that point when I could say that my mom was my friend too, and just, we were just, had the same heart together on everything, and even just, I was able to take her wisdom in such a deeper way because I had given her my heart completely, nd so everything that she was giving me was just so much more special. So something I was thinking about that.

Hannah: another thing that I Think that helped our relationship was just spending time together And as we said earlier because I was the last girl, it did give us the chance to spend time together, but mom and I are very similar in our personalities. And so that actually, a lot of the things that mom was doing, then it was something I wanted to do too, and so I would work with her in the kitchen and do different things like that. We would work in the garden together. We would go shopping together, grocery shopping or whatever, and we’d go for walks together, and, you know, there may not be things you may not be. If you’re listening to this, you may not be similar to your mom in some ways. And there, she may do things that maybe aren’t interesting to you, but you can actually make an effort to find things that you can do with your mom. And whether, if your mom is someone who doesn’t necessarily want help in the kitchen, maybe she wants to cook by herself, she’s probably not gonna say no to someone doing the dishes, you know? So you can find a way to work alongside her that just communicates that you are interested in being with her, and be engaged, even if there isn’t talking going on. Maybe it’s just that time, intentional time spent with your mom. I just like, I think back now on these, you know, over the years, and I just, like, the pictures go through my mind of all the different things that mom and I did together. And I just, I really love that, and I’m very thankful for that. I want that to be the way it is with my daughter too, as, you know, as the time goes on. 

Mrs. Reed: I can kind of add into that in the aspect of I did not do that with my mom. You know, I was not intentional with my mom. And even though we… you know, had a friendship that was not the intentional type of relationship. And so I missed out, you know, on that. So, hindsight wishing that I had done that with my mom, and that, you know, what could have changed our relationship, I’m sure. 

Janna: I think one thing along with that too, is just one thing I’ve learned in relationships since graduating, specifically with my parents and different things is like, if you want to have that deeper relationship, it starts with you opening up and just sharing your deepest things. And then a lot of times, then they’ll open up in that way too. And especially since graduating, I can echo what you were talking about, just like your parents, and specifically my mom, becoming like my best friend. And I think that’s so special, but again, it would never happen unless you take that risk of the full disclosure of, you know, saying everything that you might be struggling with or just even reaching out in those moments when you are struggling. And for me, it’s been a lot of… calling or texting since my mom’s not here. But taking the initiative, if you’re out there listening, you might be like, well, their relationships don’t sound like anything like mine. But God has a way, He wants to open up that relationship wherever you’re at. So whether your mom’s unsaved or maybe distant, there’s always something God can do to build and strengthen a relationship, so just ask God what that would be for you. 

Anna Faith: And even just on the angle of your mother becoming your best friend, Even for me growing up, I was a pastor’s daughter, so I feel like I wasn’t totally in with all the friends group and stuff, so sometimes I felt insecure about that. But as I chose to put my family relationships first, especially my relationship with my mom, like everything made sense. And I didn’t need friends to fill that inside of me, but I just had, I had that close friend in my mom. And even just thinking to, as you listeners are thinking about your relationship with your mom, just thank God for it, and it’s such a special thing. Obviously, it’s so real and real as in sometimes you’re working through things and you’re with each other so much, obviously, at home with your siblings and everything. But just ask God to give you just that, just love for your mom, and just thank him for that relationship because He does want to make it something super special and something where you can say, my mom is my best friend with her, and I can share anything with her, but you have to make that step to put her, to open up to her and to obey her as the Bible says. So, just, obviously just having that perspective too of how special your relationship with your mom can be too. So moving right along, let’s go to some hindrances that you have seen that can hurt your relationship with your mom, just thoughts you have about that. 

Hannah Foerster: Yeah, I think, just going back, If there’s not an openness, like I definitely saw that either surface conversation or no conversation or just not being totally honest, that hurt us. It maybe doesn’t totally destroy your relationship, but it keeps it from being what it could be. And you don’t want to regret. and you don’t want to miss out any more than we already have. You can’t go back and change the past, but you can make changes for the future. So that, again, that conversation, communicating, being open. And then, Mom, I was wondering if you’d share just about, even how like, your relationship with your mom and just some of the things that you realized for yourself. 

Mrs. Reed: I think one thing that’s really key is the fact that you need to recognize that your mom is on her own faith journey. And there’s a lot of things that God is trying to work in her life and it’s very easy to forget that. It’s much easier to focus on how you are being affected by her journey if there’s things that she hasn’t come to faith in yet, or hasn’t come to an understanding about, and that is so key. And my mom passed away about two years ago. And the whole topic of… the faith journey and giving space, giving grace was not something that I focused on. And so as she was approaching the end of her life, I was realizing what I lost and what I missed out on because I didn’t give her grace. So that’s just a really key element because— I’m on a journey. I have my own faith journey, and even that journey affects how I parent. And then for Hannah, for other of you listeners who maybe are not parents yet or are a young parent… you’re going to want your kids to have that grace with you because you’re going to make mistakes. God doesn’t give children to perfect parents. He gives children to parents that are on a journey. There’s just so much that He wants to show us about Himself and about being intimate with Him. Sure, I wish I had known these things years and years ago, but I didn’t. But I’m learning now and you need to allow your moms to have that space to learn. 

Hannah: Yeah, I, my daughter was born and I realized day by day, week by week, month by month. Now a year and a half that becoming a mom does not suddenly make you more spiritual. It actually like reveals your lack of spirituality, and like brings to surface some of the most ugly things about yourself and like, realizing that in myself changes my perspective towards my mom or other moms. You know, that like, hey, just because they’re moms does not mean they know everything and they had to do it all right. Like, they had to grow too. And it really does. 

Mrs. Reed:Yeah, and the thought came to me too that this aspect of being on a faith journey, it’s easy to look at yourself and feel inadequate because you haven’t reached a certain point yet. And so sometimes that can create a hindrance to how you relate to your daughter because you know you’re not there yet. And I know for myself too there were things that when I looked back at my own days as a teenager and the things that I struggled with that you know Hannah also went through those struggles they were things that, you know, I was ashamed about, or embarrassed by and it was very hard to even talk about those things to help her to know, that yeah, I do understand where you’re coming from. And, and if I could look at myself as a woman on a journey and not one that needs to have a mask, that I’m okay, you know, I didn’t struggle, then I can relate better to my children to my daughter, but if I try to protect myself and not want to be open I’m not gonna be able to help and so, that’s just more recent discovery I think about myself 

Anna Faith: I think too, just going back to the openness, when you see your mom share even her failures or weaknesses, it just even just strengthens your relationship too, because you see the she’s just being real with you, you can be real with her, and you don’t have anything that you’re holding from each other. I think that just builds your relationship like crazy. 

Hannah: And if you’re listening and your mom doesn’t share those things, it’s not because she doesn’t or doesn’t have failures, but maybe she’s fearful to share that. Maybe she feels like, if I say this, my daughter’s not going to have any respect for me, or she’s going to look down on me. And those are things that Satan throws at us to keep us from being open and being free. But realize, whether your mom is willing to share or not, it’s… it’s not because she doesn’t understand. It just may be where she’s at on her journey. 

Janna: Well, moving right along to the application, I know you’ve given several specifics even just on the open communication, but do you have anything just as the listeners walk away, just action steps that they could take to build that relationship with their mom, or if it’s a mom listening, to build that relationship with their daughter? 

Hannah: Sure. communicating, I think that’s going to look different for everyone based on your personality and your home and where your relationship is at this point, but taking a step of some way that you can start communicating. If there’s something that you know that you just haven’t been honest about and you need to get open with your mom about that, then take that step. Communicate with your mom; if it’s a matter of just needing to take some time to be intentional, and like, spend time with your mom find something that either your mom needs help with, and maybe it’s something she’s asked for help with and you haven’t really paid attention to it or maybe it’s, maybe she’s a server and she just, you know, does everything for everyone and you have to actually look for ways to help, or if it’s an activity that she enjoys doing and you need to just find a way of doing it with her; find something that you can do with your mom and that may free her up to be able to do something with you that you enjoy. If you’re spending time with her, doing the things that are important to her as well. So talking, however that looks like for you, being intentional about spending time with your mom. And then also, I think especially, recognizing if there’s a recognize that your mom is on her own faith journey and not allowing yourself to put up, like, create a bitterness, allow bitterness into your life and put up a wall there because you’re losing time and someday you’re actually going to regret it. You may not regret it for years, but someday you actually will regret it. You may not regret for years until, when you realize you don’t have much time left. And you want to not allow bitterness to keep you from being in a relationship with your mom. And then I mean, for myself, as I’ve been talking and talking with my mom through the different points that we’re discussing, I’m just realizing, as a young mom, my daughter’s only a year and a half. 

My husband and I got married at the very end of 2020, and we’ve been here in Wisconsin for two and a half years now, and Jenny is one and a half, and you know, we’ve got lots of stuff going on. Andrew’s leading the addictions ministry here and I can get very uptight and stressed with the different things I’m trying to do and get very short with Jenny and get frustrated with her, and I can come away from that feeling like oh, okay, I shouldn’t have done that and I can deal with it before God but what struck me today is, as a mom, I need to be honest with her, even though she’s only one and a half, I need to be honest with her about my mistakes about my sin and my unkindness towards her, so wherever you’re at as a mom whether it’s right the beginning, or if it’s later on you can start that habit of being open about what you’ve done wrong with your child, with your daughters especially and just having that because that really creates a security for your daughter. When I had that communication with my mom when she was open with me about how she had struggled, it just gave me so much more security about who I was. I wasn’t just some terrible kid that was struggling with these horrible things but I had someone now who understood and, like, related and then also helped me so, I’m gonna, I’m gonna work on actually telling my little girl, I’m sorry I was not speaking kindly to you, because I want that to be a habit in my life as she’s 5, 10, 20 so.

Anna Faith: Well, thank you so much for coming and sharing with us just your story and what God’s done in your life, even in just that mother-daughter relationship. And a verse that we were talking about beforehand that just got us brought into my mind is Psalm 144:12, talking about “that our daughters may be as cornerstones polished after the similitude of a palace.” I don’t know, a lot of times mothers can take that and claim that for their girls, but also as a daughter, you have that opportunity to ask God that He would make you to be that cornerstone and just the beauty of that palace and just what God wants for your life just in your home and your family and your relationship with your mother, and just in conclusion a couple key things that even as we were talking about and I was thinking too, if you feel like man, I just I do not have a good relationship with my mom, I feel like there’s so much there and I don’t even know where to start, well, obviously the first, and I just encourage you if you feel that you’re at that spot that you would just go get alone with God and ask Him that He would just do something that He would just change your heart, and obviously, the key thing that He’s even made clear to us as daughters is that we need to obey our parents. So if you know that you’re disobeying in any way that’s step one you got to go and either apologize to your mom and say, I’m here, I’m ready to obey and would you pray with me about this. I want to be an obedient daughter. And obviously God says that he does. That’s a big deal to him and He honors you for that. 

And also just understanding that your mom is on that journey and you need to recognize that, and as you realize that, then you can understand where she’s coming from and even just say, Mom, what’s your journey? Can you share with me what God’s doing in your life? What’s going on? You know, just show me, just share whatever that you want with me. Your weaknesses, I’m ready to listen. I’m not going to look down on you for it. And then your part to just communicating in that full disclosure, being completely open with your mom and that will develop that strong relationship where you can say my mom is my best friend and then, like Hannah was saying, just spending time with her, finding fun things to do together. And as you choose to honor that relationship that God has clearly put as priority for you as a daughter, God’s gonna honor you and He’s gonna develop that to become something that’s super sweet. So if you are looking at it right now and thinking, this is so my mom, there’s so many problems, I don’t even know where to start. Just say, God, I believe that you can give me a good relationship with my mom and I’m just coming to you asking that you would show me the steps and make a commitment with God saying, God, whatever you want me to do, I promise I will take that step. And just that simple walk of faith, saying God, I’m here, I’m open, you show me what to do, and I’ll just obey. And I know that’s been something God’s been working my heart recently about, just that simple obedience taking one step at a time. And God will honor you for that. And you’re going to come away thinking that you got the best mother in the world, that your relationship is the best that anybody else has. And it’s going to be something that’s super special and super sweet. 

So just thinking with Mother’s Day coming up, I just encourage you to choose one thing that even as you’ve listened throughout the time that God just was touching you on and just ask God to work in your heart about that and then make a step, an action step that you’re gonna do from what you’ve heard today. So as you go into this next week, as you go into Mother’s Day tomorrow, remember that faith doesn’t just talk, faith walks.