Mark Gillmore: Hello once again, I’m Mark Gilmore here with our GoMission podcast. As we think about what God’s doing in our world, there are different regions that often we feel we have very little knowledge of, little awareness of what God’s doing. We might be even aware of great spiritual need and yet a sense that maybe there is just great darkness, very little gospel light.

And one of those regions in my mind is the region of Central Asia, those countries just south of Russia, just further east of what we call the Middle East. What is God doing in that region? Is anyone there? And well, today I have the privilege with me, a brother who God has connected to that region, and we’re going to hear him tell about God’s hand at work. I think it will be great faith-building information and testimony.

So I want to welcome Brother Timor here. Welcome. 

Brother Timur: Thank you. Good to be here. 

Mark: Good to have you. You know, a few years ago when I began to hear about your ministry and your partnership, it encouraged me greatly. And as I’ve got to spend time with you, it’s been even a growing encouragement. 

And so, Brother Timor, would you just share how God worked in your life, perhaps even in your youth, to prepare you for what he has you involved in now?

Timur: Yeah, sure. I was just sharing this with my children just the other day, that God doesn’t just pick us up and throw us in the middle of something without preparing us. And I grew up in a Christian home; my father was a pastor. When I was young, six years old, I realized that I was a sinner headed for hell, and I had no hope of appeasing the wrath of God. One day, it was such a burden on me that I went to my father and said, “Dad, I don’t know what to do; I’m going to hell, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Can you help me?” And he took me and showed me from God’s word how I could be saved. That made all the difference. When I prayed, I received Jesus Christ as my Savior. God changed my life for all of eternity.

When I was twelve years old, I was at a Christian camp. Missionaries had always been my heroes. I loved listening to stories about what God was doing around the world, but it really just never dawned on me that God could use me on the mission field until I was twelve. At that point, I was hearing about millions who had never heard. And I couldn’t wrap my mind around that number of millions because I grew up in just a little logging village. There were basically 20 families there. So to think about that number just boggled my mind. But as I was sitting there thinking about it, I thought, “Why is nobody going?” Our church had at least 80 people there every Sunday. So I thought, “Why is nobody from our church going?” The more I thought about that, the more the burden began to be placed squarely upon me. That night I went out and knelt beside a pine tree and just told the Lord, “I’ll give you my life. I want to serve you wherever you would have me to go.” That gave me great joy, just knowing that God had put His call on my life, and even though I was only 12 years old at that time, God could use me. I went home from camp excited and I immediately began asking how I could be more involved in ministry.

I remember one day in particular; I wanted to be more involved. So I hopped on my bike and rode to the church. My dad was studying there in the office, and he was a pastor. I came up to him. I said, “Dad, I want to be more involved in ministry.” He looked at me and said, “Great.” And he handed me the toilet brush. I said, “Dad, that’s not what I’m talking about.” And he said, “Well, that’s what I’m talking about.” So I started cleaning the toilets and washing windows and just cleaning at the church. It wasn’t until probably years later that I realized that ministry really begins where we’re at and being involved with the things that we can do. As we walked that road of faith, step by step, God opens that next door. So that’s kind of how it began.

As I got older, specifically when I turned 15, I had already been working a job for several years, saved a lot of money, bought myself a pickup truck, and I was feeling pretty good about myself. It seemed like everything was falling into line just as I had planned. I got my driver’s license and began to think, “Why should I waste my time and my life in missions?” Satan had thrown in front of me kind of a carrot trying to lure me aside. And it basically looked like having fun, fishing, hunting, driving, whatever, just being a teenager. A lot of the things that were drawing my attention away are not bad in and of themselves, but when it started to cause an eclipse in my life where I no longer had my vision on Jesus Christ, there’s no question that it was sinful.

It began to really bother me that I had given my life to Jesus to serve him on the mission field. One day I was out hunting and I realized that I had been chasing this monster buck all year, and I had basically had it mapped out where it was every moment of the day. But since the season started, I had not seen hide nor hair of that deer. My hunting buddy came up to me one day and said, “Timur, why didn’t you just shoot that deer? It was right in front of you.” And I didn’t see any deer. He asked me, “Are you blind?” I said, “No, I’m not blind.” And of course, what do you do? You ask somebody, “How many fingers am I holding up?” And… he did this to me, and I didn’t see anything. I said, “You’re not holding any up.” He said, “Well, I have four of them up.” And, long story short, I had gone blind in about a two-month period since I had received my driver’s license.

It had happened rapidly, but it was gradual enough that I just kind of thought the world went fuzzy. I guess I didn’t realize that my problem had grown to the point that it did. And, that really devastated me because everything I had put my hope in, my dreams, my dreams had changed from serving God to serving self and enjoying life while I was young. Also, I had decided that since I was such a good shot, I better join the Marines, become a sniper. I was trying to make that sound right by saying that when I get to the point where I’m no longer useful at that, I can retire early and use the rest of my life to serve God on the mission field.

So I had worked it all out in my mind, and everything seemed right to me. Although, to be honest, here I was living my dreams, but I felt miserable. The more I chased those dreams, the worse it really seemed to feel; there was no joy. 

I had lost my eyesight, and that terrified me. I had never even been to a doctor since I was probably like three years old. So here I was, 16 years old, and I had my driver’s license, and now I couldn’t use it. I was legally blind. I went to the eye doctors, and they said, “Well, you’ve got keratoconus, and we’re going to have to put you on a donor’s waiting list, and hopefully we can find a cornea that will work, and you’ll have a cornea transplant.”

That definitely terrified me, even more so than the fact that I was blind. And so they put me on that list, and it was about a year before a donor was found, but during that year, I continued to struggle and fight with God.

It came down to one night where I was just feeling exceptionally miserable, just basking in my own pride really is what it comes down to, the fact that I was no longer in control of my life. I was very upset, and I remember the interesting thing is that we can always do what’s right. We can— look right, we can talk right, we can act right, but our heart can be far, far from God. And that’s exactly where I found myself.

I was very involved in the youth group. I was going out witnessing, I was sharing the gospel with people on the street, I was reading my Bible, I was very diligent in my daily devotional time, but my heart was far from God. It was like the Israelites giving sacrifices without their heart being in it.

This particular night I couldn’t sleep and I was just praying and arguing with God. And as I was praying, I was basically complaining. It was a prayer of complaint is what it was, saying, “God, why did you destroy my life? Why did you take away my eyesight? Why did you destroy my future? Why did you take everything that I love from me?” There was literally nothing that I could do that I wanted to do because I couldn’t see to do it.

As I was complaining and crying out to God, I realized that I had an issue and it was showing up in the fact that everything I was saying was “me, my, mine.” And as I was realizing this, I thought, well, when did prayer in my life come about to the point where I am the most important thing and not God? And why is it that I come to God almost like a magic wand or something, expecting that He has to bend to my will?

I was angry at myself and I thought, “How did this happen?” And as I continued to struggle through my thoughts and in my prayer, basically I didn’t sleep all night. I was just a miserable wreck. And as I was pondering all these things, the sun began to rise and I was looking through my window and I thought, you know, God is not limited with my eyesight. He could take my very life. I promised Him to serve Him. Who am I to say, now, no, I’m going to serve myself and do what I want?

And a follow-up thought hit me. I was bought with a price, the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. And who am I to say that I am my own? I am not my own. And so… That morning, Mark, I fell to my knees just a weeping wreck and asked Jesus Christ to forgive me of taking what was rightfully His, because first of all, He had purchased me. Secondly, I had willingly given my life to Him to serve Him on the mission field. And when I repented of that and returned to a right relationship with God, The joy of my salvation came flooding back over me. I’d been missing this for a year. And I felt incredible. I didn’t sleep all night, but I never felt better.

And I snuck out into the kitchen. I was hoping to get in there before my mom woke up so I could snitch a couple of cookies. And that didn’t work. She was standing there and she saw me. And I didn’t say anything. She looked at me, she said, “‘Did you get your heart right with God?’ And I said, “‘Mom, how do you know?’ She said, “‘It’s written all over your face.'” She said, you have a joy that I haven’t seen in over a year.

So here I was. I thought that I was hiding all of this from everybody. But it turns out that everybody knew where I was at, on what spiritual plane. And I just praise the Lord that He took what was dear to me to make Himself dearer in my eyes. 

And today, my eyesight is still not good. In fact, this morning I was having issues. But I praise God I wear these glasses. I’ve got the same issue. I’ve had two cornea transplants and 20 other eye surgeries. Praise God he’s giving me my vision back. But I still have this living memorial. And you know, it’s not far. It’s sitting on my nose. I have glasses. Every time they fog up, I’m reminded, praise God, that he brought me back to himself.

That’s kind of a long answer to your question, I suppose. 

Mark Gillmore: Well, I’m sure that many in our audience today listening identify with exactly, and I think of that young life that really gets a glimpse of God’s world and the Word becomes real and there’s that glad surrender. I certainly identify with that side myself, surrendering towards missions as a ten-year-old and what a beautiful thing it is because that really is reality. That’s why we’re here and especially when we have the privilege. I had the same privilege you had to growing up in a home of a preacher and really surrounded by the things of the Lord being very real and like parents that can know when you’re right with God and when you’re not, you know. What a blessing. 

But then as you become a teenager, you begin to mature, the things of the world become real to you around you, and they become temptations or distractions away from what God first said to you. And then maybe even the functions of walking with God become routine. 

And I know we’re going to hear more from you in just a minute, but would you have a word just to say to that young person? just from your heart out of that testimony who might be exactly, you know, where you were at just a word of encouragement to them to come through that to a new level of surrender 

Timur: Yeah, it’s very important to just be honest because we can lie to other people but we can’t lie to God and we know full well what’s going on in our hearts and the sooner you get back on the right footing with God, the better you’re gonna feel. And God is still loving, and He is waiting for us to return with open arms, just like the father of the prodigal son. He is excited to see every sinner come to repentance. And when we return to Him, that makes all the difference. 

Mark: It’s like we’re trying to find acceptance then in the people around us when the greatest acceptance you’ll ever find is from God himself. 

Timur: Oh, absolutely. 

Mark: And that deep sense of being loved, and then the love that comes back towards him. It’s all just waiting for the person who’ll just open their heart. 

Well, I’m going to pause here, and we’ll take our next, you’ll click ahead to our next podcast, but I wanna encourage you right now just to stop and be quiet. Do some business with God. Turn off the machine, the phone, whatever you’re listening on, and just get before the Lord. And as Brother Timur has said, just be honest and remember that surrender that you knew and come back to that. 

And let me just close with a word of prayer. 

Father, thank you for how you do open our eyes to a world that’s in great need and the obligation, the sense that we should surrender our life because you’ve given your life to us and Lord thank you for how you worked that in our hearts but Lord we just admit that we do get drawn away from that and I pray right now for those in our audience who are experiencing that same kind of temptation and distraction and emptiness and Lord would you work on their hearts to just bring a full honesty before you and a new surrender one that comes to that fullness of joy and that sweet fellowship restored with you. Would you do that work right now? And we pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

So remember, as we are in a world filled with turmoil and uncertainty, the only way to have peace is to stay on mission with Jesus in His GoMission.