Janna Van Gelderen: Hello there, this is Janna Faith.

Anna Faith Gillmore: And this is Anna Faith, and welcome to episode 22 of Faith Talks.

Janna: Well, as you know, we have been doing a focus on relationships, and today we’re just going to take some time and talk about sibling relationships. Now, I have a few sibling — not too many — but Anna Faith has quite a few, and we were just talking about this relationship, because really, of all the relationships you might have, this is something you’re going to encounter every day, you know, pretty non-stop at times, especially if you’re homeschooled, and it’s an important relationship that we can learn to build at an early age, really wherever you are.

Just a little bit about me, you probably know this, but I’m the middle child of three, so I have a sister who is two years older, and then a sister who is two and a half years younger, so I was kinda sandwiched right in the middle. I was always with a sibling, so whether it was in high school, I either had my older sister or younger sister, same thing with college, same thing with grad. So I’ve had a lot of sibling time and I sometimes joke and say that I am the forgotten sibling because when my older sister left my parents cried, you know, it’s the oldest, the first one to leave and then when my youngest sister left, of course, like it’s an empty nest now and they cried, but I joke and say nobody cried when I left; nobody noticed, but that’s not true. I know they love me. But I sometimes joke that I’m the forgotten sibling.

It was a little interesting growing up on the road with sibling dynamics, because we always had other people around, whether it was the team with all the college students with us, or whether it was another pastor’s family that we were playing with on the playground, or just different things, but we were always around different people, and that really at times strengthened our relationship as siblings since we were the only stable people we saw every week. But it also, you know, it took a toll. Sometimes we would fight and then we would have to go talk to people so then we couldn’t fight and different things like that. So it was just, I had a different, I guess you could say growing up experience with siblings, but God’s really taught me a lot through it and really put me on a journey for sure.

Anna Faith: Well, as most of you know, I come from a large family and I am the middle child of nine kids, so there’s eight siblings. My oldest brother is 29; he’s married out of the house. Then the rest of us are in the house and my youngest sister is 14 years old. So, we are pretty close in age, and growing up we actually, for up until my ninth grade year, we lived in an 1100 square foot house, which we actually used the basement for some of our rooms as well. But that was good just with a lot of sibling interaction, and so I definitely have a lot of things that… I’ve worked through and I’ve grown in, but just so you know where I’m coming from as far as sibling relationships.

Janna: Yeah, so before we get started, we’re just going to take a look at who gave you your siblings and really who created the family, because those relationships, you know, you can choose who your friends are, somewhat, and different relationships of, you know, who are you going to have as your boss and where are you going to go to college? Those are decisions you make in scenarios where you get relationships, but really your family. You can’t do anything about it. You have who you have and who gave you that? Well, obviously the Lord did, and He planned exactly what family you were gonna be in, and I think of Psalm 68:6, “God saideth the solitary in families” and just talking about who really creates the family is God and Psalm 127:3, “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is His reward,” and God put each child inside of his mother, and knows, He knew exactly what family that He was going to put you into.

Anna Faith: Today we’re going to be discussing things that destroy sibling relationships and also things that build them up. Disclaimer, we are the first ones to tell you that we’re not perfect in these at all. They’re things that God has been teaching us and is teaching us currently, and things that we’ve failed and still fail in, and are working through. Really, we’re just with you on this journey of looking at how we can build our relationships with our siblings.

And definitely, obviously, I’m still at home with eight, seven siblings in the home. So something that I am really constantly daily, comes to get grips with, you know, just building those relationships and obviously just growing those special relationships that we can have with siblings. So we just want you to know that we’re with you on this journey as we talk about it today, and something that we’re learning, obviously, where we’re at in our stages of life. And also, it’s really neat to see how God has put so much wisdom in His word and how we’re going, how we can handle those relationships in our lives based on what God has said about them. So we hope that you’ll be encouraged by the passages that apply to sibling relationships and that you can apply them to your lives.

Janna: So we’re gonna look first at just the ways to destroy a sibling relationship. I think one of the ones I first think of is just harboring bitterness for wrongs that your sibling might commit against you. And I think so often we’re very quick to hold on to hurts. Maybe our sibling says something that hurts us, or even does just something really hurtful, and it’s easy to hold on to that, get bitter about that. And then maybe when they hurt you again or say something, again, you know, at a future conflict and remind them of their failure. And you just, you just don’t really let anything go.

I know harboring that bitterness and unforgiveness can be sure, a sure thing to ruin any relationship with a sibling. And I think of Ephesians 4, where it says, “be angry and sin not, let not the sun go down upon your wrath, neither give place to the devil.” And I remember a speaker talking about when it says, be angry, the anger there is not you lashing out or being angry towards somebody, but it’s actually the idea of being a passive recipient. It’s you sitting there reading your book and your sibling comes and throws a ball on your face. It’s that you’re just sitting there, and all of a sudden you’re wronged and it had nothing to do with you causing it, but this verse goes on to say, “let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” And it’s that idea of don’t harbor that bitterness or unforgiveness in your spirit, even for a night. Like that’s gonna destroy you and really what the verse says later is “it gives place to the devil.” So don’t let that happen you know when you might have a disagreement with your sibling.

I know it’s hard to apologize, but don’t let a day, don’t let a day end without going to your sibling and getting that right and having that just that clear channel of communication, and you might say, well why should I forgive? Like, you know, I wasn’t the one who did it. It wasn’t my bad — Look at them over there!They’re definitely not sorry. Well, let’s look at Ephesians 4. Why does it say we should forgive? Let’s look at this. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and glamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice and be kind one to another, tender hearted, forgiving one another” because they are always nice to you. No, that’s not quite what it says. “Forgiving one another,” why? Even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” You know, think of everything Christ says forgiving you. for? You can forgive your siblings, and I know it might be some small things, or it can be even huger things of abuse. and just deep things that they’ve done against you but really you can forgive them of anything not because they deserve it, but because of all that Jesus has forgiven you.

Anna Faith: Another thing that really destroys our relationships is comparing yourself with them. And I know this is something that’s very easy to do, especially because you’re so close to those siblings that are right there with you every single day. And so it’s really easy to see, oh, they’re better at throwing, you know, a football, or because they’re better at maybe throwing a frisbee, or bumping a volleyball, or spiking a volleyball or things… maybe they’re better at singing or an instrument or different things, or you could look at your physical. Maybe their hair is cooler and you don’t like how you do your hair. All these different things, and it’s so easy to do that, and a lot of times contention in your, in that relationship often comes from insecurity because you’re looking and you’re wishing you were like one of them, maybe, and maybe they excel at something that you don’t, and maybe you try to outdo them or tear them down so that they would give up, and then you just feel like you have the upper hand, and all these things, you know, come out of our selfishness and our pride, and obviously the bible says in 1 Corinthians 10 “but measuring themselves by themselves and comparing themselves among themselves are not wise.” First of all God says that we are not wise to do that, and also just having that prideful spirit of always trying to be on the top of your siblings.

Honestly, I feel like one of the big things that I’ve learned in my relationships with my siblings is how to just be humble. So you know what, they’re not that way, or I’m not that way and they’re better at this, and that’s okay. And obviously, what you were saying about how God made those relationships, He made us. And so He’s put every little tiny thing into your life and your family’s life to grow you; to teach you something about maybe how wicked yourself is and your sin is, and who you are without God And so, just realizing that comparing is a big deal and it’s gonna hurt if you start to, you know, when you’re comparing, we were talking about that you tear them down because you want to be on the top. These things are really, really going to start to hurt your siblings and destroy those relationships.

Janna: And I think of the next verse. This is just interesting to me, because that comparing verse was a verse that God really used in my heart in my growing up years, specifically with siblings. The verse right after that says, “but we will not boast of things without our measure, but according to the measure of the world, which God has distributed to us, a measure to reach even to you.” And it’s important, like you were saying, to realize that we’re all different and that we’re all going to have different strengths and weaknesses.

I think of my family; we are so different. Like my two sisters love sewing. Like they just, well, I mean, when they get overloaded with it, they don’t, but they’re both great at it. And, you know, I go down there to sew and the lines are crooked. And I’m, you know, I had once where I broke two sewing machine needles in like, five minutes. And my sister’s like, how? I’ve never broken one in my life. And I don’t know, it’s just not my thing. But there’s other things that I enjoy that they’re like, what are you doing over there? And I think there’s been such a great freedom, especially as I’ve gotten older, to just realize I am different. And they’re gonna have things that they’re way better at, and that’s okay because, really, like you were saying, when God makes a family, He puts different strengths in there, and different weaknesses so that you can be united.

I was reading, there’s a book called, Trusting God Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges and I was just reading a chapter the other day about trusting God for who you are, and it was talking about if you have difficulty accepting yourself for the way God made you — maybe it’s a physical appearance, or maybe it’s something you’re like, oh, I just, I’m not smart I wish I could, you know, switch my brain, or I wish I could be different, but it’s really that you have a problem, or you have a controversy with God — blaming God for “God, why did you make me this way?” And I love this quote from George McDonald. Let me just read this. “I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature I could think of. For to have been thought about, born in God’s thought, and then made by God is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking.” And just going off of that, you know, don’t ever look at your sibling and say, I wish I could be them. There’s such a danger in that because when God fashioned you and created you, He created you just how he wanted you, and you can really have a freedom in that realizing, it’s okay — whatever bothers me about myself, obviously not sin, but just the way about who you are, God made you like that. And really the path to self-acceptance is just learning to trust God for who He made you to be.

Anna Faith: And another thought to that God’s been working my heart just in the last couple weeks is really obviously we’re looking at faith here — Faith Talks — and it really takes faith to see yourself as God sees you that’s true And a lot of times, obviously with comparing, it’s so easy to look at what you can see in this world and where you’re at in your stage of life and everything from your point of view but really to come out of my point of view and come to where God sees me from takes faith because you can’t see it, you can’t feel, you can’t understand what God sees and knows about you.

Even just with this whole comparing and just thinking about yourself… really you got to come to God and say, God, I want to I’m I know that you said that I am all these different things in Scripture, and so I’m going to by faith just take that and I’m going to not worry about, and I’m going to trust you and thank you for exactly how you made me to be, and that all my good things and bad things are exactly what they need to be because that’s what you want me to be to use me in the special way that you made me to be used in this world. And so, I’m gonna come from it from your perspective, not mine.

Janna: And then you get such a freedom because when you… When you’re free with who you are, then you’re not lashing out at others for them maybe intimidating you or something. Because, like you were saying, a lot of times contention can come from just pure insecurity on our point. I think just along with the fact too that every sibling’s different, you are going to have relationships with your siblings that just are easy. Like maybe there’s that sibling you’re like, we just think alike. We get along. And it’s so easy for us to build that relationship. Then there might be other siblings you’re like, I don’t… what planet did they come from? Like, it’s totally different. And you know, people are different. So certain relationships, you’re definitely gonna have to maybe work on more.

Moving on just the third thing we had down of things that can destroy relationships would be obviously negative conversation. Think of Ephesians 4, it says, “let not corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth. But that which is good to the use of edifying that it may minister grace to the hearer.” Words can really hurt. I know name calling and I mean we all know when we’re having negative conversations with our siblings, but when you lash out with your tongue, that does leave a huge mark, and just another kind of angle of that — talking negatively about your siblings to other people saying you know “hey my sister over there; look at look at what she’s doing” She doesn’t even know what she’s and going and talking gossiping about your siblings that can that can really hurt. It can destroy the relationship or destroy their reputation and also destroy your relationship with the sibling.

I think of Matthew 12:36, “every idle word that men shall speak they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.” And don’t let, don’t think, well I’ve got a great relationship with my sibling, you know, we don’t talk, we don’t fight, we talk decently to each other, but then you’re tearing them down behind their back. That can hurt just as much.

Anna Faith: Moving on to the final thing that we’ll talk about today that destroys relationships is to be a hypocrite, and I know this is something that I honestly have really struggled with personally, but it’s so easy to see other people’s problems, especially your siblings, and not see your problems. And so, you tell them to do things that you’re not even do yourself, pike, hey, why don’t you clean up your clothes? And then the next week, I have a huge pile in my room. Like, you know, it’s just things that can happen all the time. And it can honestly just be one of those things that builds up in your relationship with a sibling.

Of course, we see in the scripture, the mote and beam illustration that Jesus gives where we see a little mote in somebody else’s eye, and really we have a big beam in our own and James 1:26 also says “if any man among you seem to be religious and bridleth not his tongue but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain,” and sometimes obviously even thinking too spiritually, it’s easy to be spiritual with even people at church, and then you come home and you’re a totally different person. And it’s not like you’re trying to be a totally different person. But me and Janna were talking to us beforehand before the podcast. Sometimes it’s really awkward to talk with your siblings on a spiritual level because life is so practical, and maybe if you struggled with that sibling, and you know that they see your problems and all these different things, you’re like, well, if I talk spiritually with them, then maybe they will think I’m a hypocrite, or all these different things. And so it’s easy to be in church and pray or give a testimony and then come home and we just don’t talk about that type of stuff.

There are obviously different dynamics to this whole issue, but just asking God to give you that real Christianity that can be free wherever you are, and you can be free, you know, God’s Word says that we can be so just taking, taking Him at His word and asking God to give you that freedom in your relationships with your siblings.

Janna : That’s really good. I think it’s so huge that our homes be. real. Obviously parents being real, but I think siblings too, being real with each other, there can be so much strength there. Your sibling can really be your best friend, your prayer partner, your soul winning partner. They can be such on a same spiritual level as any of your friends can be. And that’s huge, I think Anna Faith: especially of older siblings mentoring younger ones. That’s huge in that way.

Obviously we’re humans and we make mistakes so there it’s not like it’s going to be a perfect place, but it needs to be a real place where you can hurt in real time, where you can praise God in real time, where you can just grow together in a real way and you’re just open with other with your siblings your parents, and God’s just changing all of you as you’re just desiring to seek Him and see Him change you and fix those bad sin habits that you’ve created in your life and all these different things that you think, oh, I got to fix. God can actually do that and give you that real Christian life that can be able to be given. It can come out of your home and just spread into other people’s lives and be such a tool that God can use to reach the world. And really, He has created, obviously, the church and the family, those institutions that he wants to use to spread forth the gospel to other people. So obviously, our home is a big deal. even just thinking of outreach and all those different things, just to be able to have that real Christian walk just flowing from your home.

The two words I think of are honesty, just getting honest with your family and then just willing to be humble and say, you know, I’m not perfect. This is what I’m working through and would you pray for me about it, is huge.

We’re going to move on to the ways you can build sibling relationships. And I know they kind of, both of these topics kind of overlap a little bit, but I think one way you can really build a sibling relationship is through affirmation, and just telling your siblings how much you appreciate them, and maybe they’ve had an impact on your life, and just letting them know that I think it’s so easy to overlook. You know maybe you have a sibling that makes your bed for you every day. Okay… wouldn’t that be wonderful? But maybe you have a sibling who does just a small thing for you and just like you know I really appreciate that …that’s… that really means a lot to me. It could be something small; it could be something big maybe they help you practice, or they always for me my siblings help me sew, since I can never sew, so I’ll do something for them, they’ll do that and just letting your siblings know like “hey, I really appreciate that,” even if it’s something small, can mean a lot and just build that relationship. I think of Proverbs 18:21, “death and life are in the power of the tongue.” That is so true and Proverbs 16:24 “pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and health to the bones.”

Anna Faith: Another way to build relationships, focus on their strengths, not just their weaknesses. And this is a just simple decision that you need to make. And obviously asking God to give you the just foresight to see those things because it’s easy to see weaknesses, just to maybe make ask God to make that your tendency. God, just show me their strengths. And obviously, everybody has so many strengths that we don’t mention so much. So, just ask God to help you focus on their strengths and the things that they do well and just let them know about those things.

Janna: Remember somebody saying once that you should say 10 positive comments before you ever say one negative. Or not necessarily negative, but like instructive…

Anna Faith: Criticism?

Janna: Yes, exactly. So maybe just make that, you know, I had a friend who really did well at that. So she’s like, you know, I couldn’t think of 10. So I had to like, it took me a while to get to 10.

Anna Faith: So I couldn’t say anything negative!

Janna: That would be nice. I think it also applies to like a teacher student. I think that’s maybe where I heard that from. Another way just to build is to build relationship as siblings is to just to a accept your sibling’s imperfections and not always try to be changing them. Now I think sometimes it can be the dumbest things. This was not the case for either my sisters, okay? Just disclaimer there. But it could be maybe one of your siblings like picks their nose, and you think that is so gross and you’re like, “come on, kid, like, don’t pick your nose in public. You’re destroying our family reputation with your nose picking,” okay? But something as dumb as that and maybe it just really to change them. You know, you’ve got to stop doing that or maybe it’s the way somebody acts. I just thought of this, but I remember I used to chew with my mouth open a lot, and both of my sisters, we would be at like a restaurant with pastor’s families, and they’d be like, “Jan, close your mouth! You need to finish your food.” Okay, now I hope I have improved in that, but, it could be something simple like that. It could be something more serious, but just accepting your siblings’ imperfections and not trying to change them. And obviously if it’s something like a sin issue and something that they do need to change, maybe talking to them, but ultimately, praying for them. That’s the biggest thing that you’re ever gonna do to be able to change anybody, is not by pestering them, but really praying. And I think that family can pray for each other better than any other group because you know things about your siblings, your parents, you know the needs in real time, and you can be one of the biggest prayer warriors for your siblings.

Anna Faith: Hmm mm. Another thing is just to communicate if you have a disagreement, and a lot really can be solved from just a simple conversation. Proverbs 15:1 says, “a soft answer turneth away wrath but grievous words stir up anger.” So obviously if you have a disagreement, you’re going to be stirring up anger, but you know, how are you going to turn that away by simple soft answer simple? Hey, can we just talk about that? I think we had something some misunderstandings, and humility is going to be the key. My mom always says humility works every time. Just humility of mind. She’ll say that to us over and over again. But just really that humble spirit realizing you haven’t arrived and you don’t know everybody’s perspective. And just look for the misunderstandings. Oh, you were thinking that, and I thought this. and so I was mad at you because of this, and that had nothing to do with it. Oftentimes it will be a little just misunderstanding that blows up something way bigger. And another thing that just work on doing, is try to listen from their point of view. Think, okay, this is how the day’s gone, so maybe they’re struggling with this, they’re feeling this pressure, it has nothing to do with me. And oftentimes, if you can think from their point, obviously you can’t get inside of them, but if you can have that understanding where they’re coming from, that will also help so much just in the whole conversation.

Janna: You know, another thing that builds relationships with siblings kind of along that line listening is to just take a purposeful time, maybe on a weekly basis, or if it has to be not as often, that’s fine, to just communicate with your sibling. And maybe it’s taking a younger sibling, “hey, we’re gonna go practice baseball together and then get ice cream.” And that can mean the world to a younger sibling. Or maybe it’s an older sibling and you go say, “hey, let’s get together for coffee once a week, and just talk about what God’s doing in our heart,” or “let’s do homework together at a coffee shop,” or just doing just making yourself available to… communicate

Anna Faith: and like finding the different things, the interests that they have; the things that they love and that, and something too that they know that maybe you don’t love, and you’re obviously it’s not like, ugh, I’m sacrificing for you right now but just a simple way to say, let’s do what you want to do, and I’m gonna learn to love it.

Janna: Getting inside of their world, and it’s kind of what you were saying honestly getting from their point of view, from their life is huge. And when they do share different things with you, being trustworthy in that, and it’s easy to, and you obviously need to pray about it if it’s something you needed to share with your parents or something, but be trustworthy. Don’t go sharing things that your siblings tell you that you know that they would want to be confidential. You need to be a trustworthy sibling, and that will mean a lot to them. They’re gonna share more that what they share you take seriously and you’ll hold and pray for them about.

Anna Faith: Another thing you can do is to talk about your vision for your life and others, especially if you’re older, maybe more high school, college age, and just how God’s, where God’s leading you and how you’re excited about your life. And also just casting that vision for your younger siblings. And be quick to point out how God is using them, the gifts that God has given them. And don’t be insecure like we were talking about before, if they’re more gifted than yourself in one area, that means God’s placed them, that gift there so that He can use their life to bring the gospel to this world, ultimately. And like we were talking about before, He has a plan for each of our lives. So just finding that plan for that sibling and just giving a little affirmation there, and just glorying in their strengths and being all for them.

Also one thing my mom was saying to me a couple months ago because I was telling her, “mom I feel like all my siblings are so different, and they’re all hard,” like it must be me, because you were talking about the easy sibling thing and, but it’s good though. And my mom was saying honestly, this is gonna be so good, even thinking of raising your own family one day, but also just realizing that your sibling relationships are some of the most sweet and special a ability to have. Obviously you can develop a friend relationship really close, and the Bible talks about that too, but your siblings are ones that know you so well, and there’s something about that blood, you know, connection even throughout your life, my mom was talking about too. There’s just something about family and that those sibling relationships are so special. So if you can just learn to love your siblings and to be all for them, to cheer them on, that you’re their biggest fan, it’s just gonna go with you throughout the rest of your life. You’re not gonna lose that.

Janna: I think just this last one we have on here about building those relationships is to talk positively about your parents and their strengths and really to covenant together as siblings that you’re going to honor your parents, and really the Lord. And I remember somebody telling me in sixth grade, I made a decision — I’m never gonna talk negatively about my parents to anyone, and honestly I was with this person a lot in their growing up and their parents, and that just really stood out to me. Obviously their parents weren’t perfect but I could tell that they really loved them, and they were focusing on their strengths and really that family covenanted together as a family, that we’re gonna serve God and we’re gonna honor our parents,  and I think that makes all the difference.

I think of even my dad giving illustrations about when their parents would be gone and it would just be the kids home watching TV and something inappropriate would come up and one of the kids would say you know, this doesn’t please the Lord; we’re gonna switch it to something else, and just that idea of it’s not like we’re sitting around waiting for our parents to just get on us but no especially if you’re an older sibling like take charge, and be like, guys, we’re gonna serve God and that that’s huge I feel like you’re gonna even have less… you obviously as a younger person listen to your parents, but you also listen to your siblings, and so many times I feel the older siblings carve out the possible paths for the younger siblings to go on, and they really look up. So if you’re an older sibling out there, don’t be afraid to take leadership and really, just steer your home in the direction of, we’re gonna serve God.

Just as we conclude here, I think of Proverbs 17:17, “a friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” And having a strong sibling relationship can really be the greatest blessing in the world. Thinking of this verse, when you’re going through adversity, your brother, he’s got your back, you know? Your sister, when you have that strong relationship, they’re with you through a lot in life. And it can do, it can do so much, and just really take time now to grow those relationships. And you might be looking at your sibling relationships and thinking like, well, I’ve tried a lot of this stuff that you even talked about and I’m trying… but I just feel like I just feel like, my sibling relationships are really they’re not good, and they’re maybe going downhill. One thing I would encourage you with is don’t be weary and well-doing and you will faint if you will… no that’s not how the verse goes… you will reap if you faint not, there we go, but um keep trusting the Lord and praying, and just asking Him what steps He wants you to take because that’s honestly key. I will say as a personal example I know I very much struggled with sibling relationships and comparing myself, and I just remember we would have a lot of contention and fighting. But it was a work that God started in my heart, especially in junior high. And really by the time we were in upper high school, I can honestly say I loved my siblings and we had a great relationship. And that’s carried and just gotten so much stronger in college. And it’s something that each time I made a purposeful step, God honored it. And I’m so, I’m just so looking back, I’m so glad that God kept convicting me and working on me in those relationships, because they’re so key now. I can’t imagine life without my sisters.

Anna Faith: And I think sometimes it’s easy to look at, when you have struggled with sibling relationships that just to look down on the whole sibling, you know just the whole topic of your relationship with your sibling. But really, if you can just ask God for that positive, just outlook, realizing that those relationships can be the strongest relationships you have in life… obviously your family your parents and your siblings and just to value those relationships with your siblings.

Just a couple of practical things before we close up here, obviously, Janna was just saying coming before God and just asking Him for strength in your relationships. And even if you want to take some time after this and just ask God, okay, God, I want to grow, you know my heart, you know that I want to have really good relationships with my siblings, not just so I can have a good relationship, so that we can be used of you. And so that I can be close to these and we can we can band together and serve the Lord together. And just ask God, okay, what action steps that you want me to take? Maybe maybe you needed uh, make an apology to one of your siblings and um, just make a decision I’m gonna choose to grow with you. I’ve not been what I should be and here I’m sorry, and here let’s grow together.

This brings to mind when one of my brothers, we really hadn’t gone along much growing up and I remember when i can’t remember… I think I was upper high school years 10th or 11th 12th grade, and He came to me and he said, you know, he apologized and he said “we’re changing” like this is “we’re starting a journey here and we’re gonna grow really close together,” and after he left I like, I cried so hard. I couldn’t even believe that was possible because of all the daily struggles that we had had, and just the fact that he was wanting to change. So even sometimes, obviously you’re gonna be on this journey, but just let them know. Okay, we’re here we are, we’re starting out fresh and new and I’m sorry, and God’s gonna help us. We’re gonna grow through things; it’s not going to be perfect, but we’re on a journey, and that honestly will mean the world to a sibling as it did to me.

Another thing just to take them out and listen to them hear them out I know my pastor was saying one time with in counseling, he said, sometimes if you just let them talk and maybe you say a couple of things, but not even something that’s really helpful. At the end of the conversation, this has happened to him multiple times. He said, they were like, wow, thank you so much for listening and counseling and all the things that you helped me with. And basically, they just talked to him. So just something like that could help or just choosing and making a purposeful decision to invest time in one of their interests, like we were talking about. Obviously praying for them is a huge thing and just choosing to love on them, and asking God to just change you so that you can be that, just close sibling to them and just develop that close relationship with them.

So as we were talking about, these things are a matter of faith. You’ve got to come before God and say, God I believe that you can change a relationship. I believe that you can grow me and give me the best relationships more even than my friends. Give me such close relationships with my siblings that they are my closest friends. And that’s going to be a matter of faith. And I’m… comes to mind, Psalm 37:5, “commit thy way into the Lord, trust also in him and he shall bring it to pass.” I encourage you just go to Psalm 37 and look at that verse and say, God, I believe you for my sibling relationships, that you can do that. So, I’m going to commit my way to you, I’m going to trust in you, I’m going to take these steps, and you’re going to bring it to pass. So, as you go throughout these next couple weeks in your house with your siblings, trust God, have faith that He is working as you take those steps, as you believe Him in prayer, and remember, faith doesn’t just talk, faith walks.