Ryan Swanson: Hello and welcome back to the Satisfied Program here on the Thee Generation Podcast. It’s good to have you back. We are beginning the second episode in a series on emotional purity. We just kind of set up the topic in our last podcast and it’s been a month now already and it’s time to move on to the next step here, explaining more about this issue of emotional purity. I’ll be honest, I’ve wrestled quite a bit here with how to lay out the progression of this series. The other times when I’ve started a series I’ve known from the beginning basically the direction I want to take and the progression and what it’s gonna look like, but I’m struggling a little bit on this one. That’s a part of it, as I told you from the beginning. This is something more recent God’s been working in my heart and explaining it and even understanding how big of an issue it is, so bear with me, but I’m quite confident for this podcast and even for the next one where we’re headed here, so let’s dive in. 

One aspect of this, I need to let you know that probably 90% of the things that I share with you in the truths and the principles that you receive from this series, I could not have given you two years ago. It’s not just because I’ve Learned them or heard them in the past two years. I mean, I would not have agreed with them two years ago. I would have probably strongly disagreed, so marriage has definitely had a factor in kind of waking me up to some different sides of this issue, and there’s no way around that. As a single person, and I know the vast majority of our Thee Generation audience is single men and women and that’s fine, but I need to throw out there right now, a lot of these things are going to go against your grain. It’s going to be difficult to take it in. And I’m not going to ask you just to trust me, take my word for it, but at the same time, I am committing as I’ve wrestled through this, just in certain areas to be vulnerable with you. Just to be appropriately vulnerable and share even some examples from my own life and testimony on how the Lord has kind of convinced me on some things now that I would have strongly disagreed with a couple years ago. So anyway, that’s the setup for it. Just kind of a disclaimer, it’s kind of difficult to be vulnerable with a microphone, I’ll be honest. It’s one thing when you’re a burden for the person sitting in front of you in a counseling situation or whatever. It is a little different with a microphone, but I think the Lord will give opportunity to be appropriately candid with you and I hope it’ll be a help. 

Let me just start out by saying that this podcast is going to be a little bit similar to the one called Quenching the Crave that we discussed months ago and discussing what intimacy was. I think you’ll see how that ties in with this theme of one desire, which is the title of this podcast. Quenching the Crave was all about how, as a single person, you absolutely can have your desire satisfied in a intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. When we discussed intimacy, we mainly defined it as vulnerability on the deepest level. But, now that we’re on the emotional side, we could really dig down quite a bit deeper into that. 

So, just think for a second, in the dream relationship for you, what would that look like? What things would you want to enjoy in your dream husband or wife relationship someday? What would that look like? Obviously vulnerability on the deepest level, which we mentioned, is kind of a main portion of that. But also, how about this — heartfelt encouragement and affirmation? Constant spiritual support, unquestionable trust, bulletproof loyalty? Just being able to let your guard down, laugh together, cry together, and simply enjoy life together. I mean, these are things that are a given for a happy marriage, for a successful marriage, for a Christian union. We would expect those things in marriage because they are intimacy. That’s what intimacy is. 

So understanding that all those things are a portion of what we would call intimacy within marriage, is it possible that we are stealing from the fulfillment of those desires in marriage and actually enjoying a fulfillment of intimacy long before marriage? Let me tell you a quick story. This was probably from, five, maybe six years ago, uh, when I was in college, still in undergraduate at the time. And there’s a time when my fellowship president came to me and he just said, “Ryan, I’ve got a question for you. Just something for you to think on. Nothing you need to answer now, but just something to think on. He said, you know, you’re a funny guy and we all enjoy that about you; we enjoy having you around, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”But he said, “next time you tell a joke in public, I want you to just think about who’s around you to hear it.” And that’s all he said. I thought it was kind of strange at first, but I took him up on it and I just thought, okay, there’s something to pay attention to. Well, it wasn’t a week or two later when I knew exactly what he was talking about because I was paying more attention. Most of the time when I was trying to get people to laugh, it was girls. There were girls in that scenario or in the group who I would particularly be wondering if they would think what I had to say was funny. 

Now again, that’s vulnerable, that’s candid, not something I’m proud of, but I’ve got to share this. So, when I realized that at the time, it was it was a little scary. I didn’t totally understand it all though and realize really what was going on there. Clearly I had a desire, right? I had a desire to make other people laugh, specifically those of the opposite gender. So did God give me that desire? Well, you say, that’s kind of a strange question. Well, I want you to think about it. Did God give me a desire to make ladies laugh? Well, any desire that God gives you can be fulfilled. It can be satisfied. And, I don’t see a possible fulfillment and satisfaction towards just making people of the opposite gender laugh. But, it was a clear desire that I have, so what gives? 

Okay, how about this? Maybe, you’re a girl that really somehow just gets pumped, gets turned on when certain guys walk in the room. Maybe it’s not one in particular. Maybe it’s just the athletic guys or the quote on quote cute guys or whatever. But, when certain guys come in, you get to, you really enjoy that. You enjoy being around them, talking to them. Maybe it’s just looking at them from a distance. There’s just that admiration there and you really enjoy that. Question. Did God give you that desire to be around men? Did he give you that desire to enjoy talking with men or cute men or certain athletic men or whatever, did he give you that desire specifically? 

Alright, we’re still setting the stage here, but let’s talk about a third scenario. A guy finds himself always wanting to encourage people. However, he realizes that actually most of the people he ends up encouraging and speaking to just purely to try to encourage some way, even spiritually, a lot of being of the opposite gender, the girls. And this could be the same for a girl wanting to encourage guys, but let’s just take the illustration. A guy finds himself constantly looking for opportunities to encourage a girl. Maybe it’s in his class, in his church, whatever. Did God give him the desire specifically to encourage young ladies? Hmm. You know, it seems like many of us have different types of desires towards the opposite gender, right? And we’re uniquely equipped in some way to minister to or to enjoy the opposite gender. But actually each one of these things that we just… these three scenarios, the guy that’s making girls laugh, the girl that enjoys being around guys, and the guy that just wants to encourage girls, these are situations that all fall under that category of intimacy. 

Now this is gonna shock you. This will probably jar you, but did you know that the same desire that makes you want to make girls laugh, men, that same desire is a desire for intimacy. That crave that you have, that leads you to be trying to think of the next joke to tell to make them laugh? Yeah, that’s actually a desire for intimacy. Ladies, that desire you have towards even just that admiration of certain young men, or enjoying talking with them or wanting to impress them in some way with your dress, or with things that you do, did you know that is actually a desire for intimacy? Now you say, well, man, I’ve never even thought about that — I’m not going there. This isn’t even one person in particular. It’s just, you know, in general, it’s a scary thing, but any, any specific desire you have towards the opposite gender is given by God for one reason, and it’s really one desire. It’s the desire for intimacy. 

Now this is so, so, so important because otherwise what we’re going to end up doing is living in denial that we have any kind of emotional issue because I don’t plan to marry that person. Oh, you don’t understand. I’m just encouraging them, but we have this understanding that it’s never gonna be any more than that. We know that it’s never going to be intimacy, and I’m telling you, it already is. It is a portion, a type of intimacy. There are many different facets to intimacy. Physical intimacy is just one of them. Emotional intimacy and spiritual intimacy are extremely powerful — extremely powerful. In every decision you make to give into your desire to have some kind of a special interaction with the opposite gender is a decision to take another step towards intimacy. 

This is such a crucial point that it’s the only one I’m going to give you today. That’s it. You’ve got to understand this. Now, how do we discern that from someone who just is spiritually minded and wants to be an encouragement, period, for example? Well, someone who is spiritually minded is going to have no more desire to encourage young ladies than he’s going to have to encourage young men. And if he’s noticing needs in young ladies, he’s going to respect them enough, understanding the vulnerability of a single young lady, that he is going to go and find someone else, like a pastor’s wife, if he notices needs in the young lady’s life, and he’s going to mention those to a pastor’s wife to take care of. That’s the difference. 

So then can you be satisfied at this point? Well, that is the entire discussion that we had in the podcast called Quenching the Crave, as I mentioned. Go back and listen to that if you’d like, but we spent a whole segment on how to be satisfied with Jesus Christ. Take Adam when he was in the garden, he walked with God before Eve was ever in the equation. He had a relationship with his God. He was satisfied with his God before he even knew what a woman was. And you know what, man? You can be too. You know what ladies? You can be satisfied with God as well. He can be everything you need for intimacy right now. And in fact, until you understand and experience and develop intimacy with your God, you will never be able to be fulfilled inside of a marriage anyway. Because that desire for a perfect epitome of an intimate relationship is at some point going to be let down in marriage. If you don’t have a relationship with the Lord to fall back on, that is your absolute foundation, that that’s where you are truly, totally, 100% intimate. If you don’t have that kind of relationship already built up, you’re really going to be thrown. So young people, your time single is more than just a waiting time — it’s a building time. You are building the foundation of your marriage right now by developing an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. 

So a simple episode, but I want you to start taking note of specific desires you have towards the opposite gender. Now this is gonna be difficult to admit. I get that. It’s gonna be tricky. There’s gonna be things maybe that you’ve even defended to others. Maybe accusations have already been made and you’ve said, no, there’s no issue there — I don’t plan to marry them. Or, there’s no problem; We’re just friends. Look friends, God’s not interested in you messing around. And if you’re a normal young person who is struggling with an attraction in some way or another to the opposite gender, I tell you young person, there is no greater safeguard than already being satisfied when you come to church — already being satisfied when you go to school —already being satisfied when you’re around friends. Not needing any kind of fulfillment from them. So just a little bit of homework for you before we talk of next month. 

Next month we’re going to be discussing where this begins. Now that we know where it’s leading to, and that this is all just one desire — one desire that we all have for intimacy, we’re going to be discussing where it begins. What I want you to do before then is start taking note of your desires towards the opposite gender. Specifically those desires, any unique desires towards the opposite gender. You need to understand your personal, emotional, or relational profile, if we could put it that way. How is it that you look for gratification from the opposite gender? It may seem spiritual at first, but whatever you find yourself doing specifically with the opposite gender, you need to write it down and start taking note of those things because it’s a big deal. This is one desire. 

And since we’ve already had an entire series on meeting with the Lord, go sit down with Him, and ask Him to start meeting those specific needs for you. Well, I look forward to speaking with you next time as we discuss where this all begins. Again, feel free to reach out to me, satisfied@theegeneration.org. If you’ve got any questions that this stirs up, feel free to reach out and I’d love to discuss it with you. Until next time, remember we’re on this journey together to be less gratified and more satisfied with Jesus Christ.