Ever felt the burn of an intense workout?  Those awful pains that tell you you just aren’t as flexible as you thought you were. Yeah, I can still picture a set of stairs that led to a lookout peak – a set of stairs I couldn’t conquer during a morning workout. My legs just said, “We’re done!” And the days following they continued their complaints!   Of course, the more consistent our exercise, the more flexible our body becomes and we are able to do thing we could never do before without much pain!  It’s healthy for our bodies to be flexible, but it is also healthy for our relationships if our spirits are flexible. All of us want the best relationships possible – with God and others. Could flexibility be the characteristic that would really make a difference in avoiding the stress, hurt feelings, and frustrations that so often accompany our relationships?

Flexibility is invaluable, but it’s not natural. It comes only from a right perspective of life. Colossians 3:2 says, “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.” A life built on these grounds produces a person who has this vital characteristic – flexibility.

With this in mind, flexibility could be defined as setting our affection on God’s orchestration of our lives – not on our plans. Dr. Richard Kejcir in his article, The Character of Flexibility, says,

This character will help us see the big picture, how people and events are all interlinked with a sovereign God at the controls. In this way, we can see that our plans and ways are not autonomous; we can trust God, go with His flow, and make the most of opportunities and relationships. Therefore, we will be able to make changes in our plans and ideas to accommodate others, and fit the situation, centered upon Scriptural precepts.

Can you see how flexibility would be a major factor in relationship success? It is said, “You have to be willing to bend; if not, your relationships will break.”

Flexible people decide that when God’s will means a change in plan, they ask God for grace to be okay with it. This frees us to respond to others and God as we should!  Yes, it is right to plan and to communicate your thoughts, but to hang on to our plans and ideas desperately as God is trying to change them…that’s not Colossians 3:2.

Here’s another example that illustrates flexibility well.

Most tree trunks grow wider as they grow older. Each year they develop new growth rings, providing strength and rigidity to a tree. Palm trees, however, are an exception. They grow upward, adding a new growth DISK each year. When storms come, the palm tree stands through great gusts of wind because of its ability to bend. Some older and taller palms actually bend all the way to the ground. This flexibility is anchored by roots that are thick and deep. With this combination of strong roots and a flexible trunk, the palm tree is able to withstand tremendous winds without being broken or uprooted. People should respond to the “winds of change” like the palm tree. WE MUST stand firmly anchored in Christ so that we don’t become uprooted (we never compromise what’s right), but we must be willing to bend to the winds (pastor, parents, etc.) so that we don’t break

(nrcaknights.com)

So often we face our relationship roadblocks because we are the opposite of flexible.  Krejcir continues,

Inflexibility, stubbornness, arduousness, conceit, and self-importance are all opposites. These traits are steeped in pride and are a heinous sight before our loving and holy Lord! We see ourselves as the center, the key to the universe – or, at the very least, of what and who is around us. Therefore, we base all of our decisions on our needs and feelings, ignoring others, not seeing the big picture or being accommodating in order to make the right decisions and go in the right directions.

Bottom line, when we aren’t flexible, we are living affectionate for the things of this earth.

So how flexible are you? You can know your level of flexiblity by the pain caused when you are called on to exercise it (just like body exercise), but here are some more thought provoking questions found on an online character study.

Personal Evaluation (nrcaknights.com)

• When plans are changed, do you get discouraged, or do you immediately look for reasons why the new plans are better?
• Do you quickly adjust to a change of direction, or does it require time for you to mentally or emotionally adjust?
• When God calls you to a ministry or work, do you resist and make yourself busy with other activities?
• When others suggest a better way to do something, do you try it or do you keep doing it the way you had been doing it?
• Is your life so encumbered with possessions and debt that it would be impractical or impossible to exercise flexibility at the leading of the Lord?
• Are the thoughts of your heart in harmony with the will of God so that changes are easy transitions?

Ok, so flexible moves are still pretty painful?  What’s the workout needed to get us into the habit of thinking “affections above” rather than selfish priorities?

First, thank.  When the stretching comes, you must ask for the grace to face it with gratitude.  This may mean sometimes you make statements of thanks even if you aren’t overflowing with the feeling.  “Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 5:20). (Interestingly, verse 21 addresses submitting yourselves one to another!)  No matter how bad the circumstance seems, it can’t be a mistake for you because “God is [your] strength and power: and he maketh [your] way perfect” (2 Sam 22).  As much as you desire to devise your way, you have to thank God that he is directing your steps (Proverbs 16:9).

Second, cast.  You can’t thank God for this stretching situation and then keep worrying about it and figuring it out in your own strength.  So often I consider myself flexible because I accept the new route God gives, but the whole time I’m worrying about how and if it will work out. That’s not the flexibility God’s called us to. True flexibility doesn’t still bear the burden, it gives the whole thing to God, leaving it all in His hands. Then we trust, “As the eyes of servants look unto the hands of their masters, and as the eyes of a maiden unto the hand of her mistress; so our eyes wait upon the Lord our God, until that he have mercy upon us” (Psalm 123:2).

You can know if you have really cast your care upon God the way he wants you to (Psalm 55:22) if you experience what Jesus said in Matthew 11, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Thank and cast – that’s the way to set your affections on things above which will doubtless build your flexibility!  The more you flex your flexibility, the less painful and more natural the process will become. In turn, your relationships will grow in ways you never dreamed!