Jim Van Gelderen: This is Jim Van Gelderen, and if you’ve been joining us, we’re on a series talking about the co-infections of moral impurity. I want us today to consider another co-infection. Perhaps you have just joined us.

If you have, I’m not going to reintroduce it. We have podcasts that will do that. But I do want to just give you the idea that when there’s moral impurity or sexual sin in a life, there are things that come alongside.

The first one was selfishness that always has to precede the sin of moral impurity, because the Bible says every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed. So selfishness always has to be there. If you’re going to succumb to sexual sin, it always has to be there.

And obviously, the moment we make the choice, it’s a selfish choice when we’re involved, whether it’s thinking or viewing or whatever, it’s selfishness. And of course, that selfishness becomes like a monster. It grows and it continues to be that which afflicts our life.

But there’s another co-infection that usually comes after a choice is made to get involved in looking at something you shouldn’t, or thinking about that which is impure, or even actions. There’s something else that comes along, and that is deception. Deception.

This is a huge co-infection. In fact, it’s interesting to me. I read somewhere, when it talks about a married man who confesses to his wife that he’s been looking at inappropriate material on the internet, that it often takes him a year to properly confess.

It takes him a year to understand how selfish his actions were, and it also takes some time to understand his deception, because he has gotten into a habit of not being forthright, not being truthful, shading things, covering his tracks, and putting up some barriers so people don’t get too close in relationships because he doesn’t want to be discovered. And that deception is so dangerous.

We’re going to address that in today’s podcast. I hope it will be a help. There’s a verse of Scripture we’ll talk about in the preaching.

I’ll be preaching this: “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper, but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.” And that’s what deception is. It’s not doing what the Bible says to do when it comes to dealing with our sin.

We’re deceiving others and, really, in a certain sense, as the Bible says, deceiving our own selves. So I trust that this particular part of the message will be a help to you. Now let’s go to the second co-infection, and this one’s huge, huge, enormous, and it’s bad.

Number two, you cannot have moral failure in your life, even mentally, without number two: deception. Deception. Because here’s what happens: Deception is acting like you’re something you’re not.

Now, there are three aspects of deception that are very important to understand when it comes to moral impurity. Here’s the verse: Proverbs 28:13.

I know we’re not turning every verse, but I’m giving it to you. You can certainly write it down. “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper, but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.”

Number one aspect of deception is hiding your sin from people who have a right to know. I tell teenagers this all the time: If you’re doing something you know your parents wouldn’t want you to do, you’ll never be right with God until you tell them.

Now, most of you probably do not have a written rule book in your house. In Baptist College Ministry, we have a rule book. You’ve got to have written rules; it’s just what it is—it’s institutional.

I’m assuming here at your academy you have a written rule book, but most homes don’t. Mine didn’t, but that didn’t mean I didn’t know what my parents wanted me to do or didn’t want me to do. I knew when I was doing something they didn’t want me to do, and every teenager in this room does, too.

One of the great problems of looking at things you shouldn’t be looking at is you learn to be a deceiver. You learn to cover up. And I want to tell you something: When you go into marriage, you’re going to do the same thing.

Some of the books I read said this was very interesting. One of the things that these issues do in a marriage is they cause what is called intimacy anorexia. We often immediately think of the physical realm, but that’s not what the book is talking about.

It’s talking about emotional intimacy anorexia. That’s the connection between a man and a woman where they are completely open with one another, and there is a unity that comes because of their openness, one with another.

You see, the trouble is, in most marriages, that’s not happening. You know why? Because there are secrets.

I tell our students in Baptist College Ministry, “Hey, bud, you just need to know something: Everything you’ve ever done, you’re going to have to tell your future father-in-law before he says yes.” So every time you’ve looked at all the junk in your brain, you’re going to have to cough it all up. So I say, “You might want to start dealing with it right now.”

Say why? Because, friends, you can’t have secrets.

It doesn’t work. Skeletons in closets don’t work, and it hurts a marriage.

I could go into a lot more about that particular aspect, but for time’s sake, all I’m simply saying is covering sin when somebody has a right to know. And many times, to be honest with you, Satan’s greatest way to keep you in moral failure is secrecy. Secrecy.

He will try to get you to think you can beat this on your own, but you can’t beat it by yourself. You know what?

You’ve proved it to yourself, because how many times have you said, “I’m never doing this again”? How many times have you done it again? And the truth is, you’ve already proved to yourself that secrecy is not going to work.

So the very first step is you’ve got to get to people who love you, and the Holy Spirit will tell you who. For some of you, it may be a pastor. If you’re older and don’t have parents, obviously that’s not a part of your existence.

Now you’re out of your own home. You need to get to your pastor, your spiritual leadership in your life, and he can help you.

There are ways out, and there are things that can be done today to help you get free. But the point is, you’re never going to continue to win as long as you’re acting like you’re something you’re not.

So the first aspect is covering sin. The second one is kind of already alluded to. It is masks.

Masks. And I’m not talking about these. The mask is, many times, when people get involved in large areas of moral failure, particularly with viewing and other sins.

You know what they do? They begin to act like there’s something they’re not. And you know what that’s called?

Deception. Do you know what God gives grace to? He gives grace to the humble.

And you know who the humble are? People who are honest.

So when you’re acting like you’re something you’re not, God resists you. Now, it doesn’t mean you have to go air your dirty laundry to everybody, but you’re willing to. Listen, friends, we’re all sinners saved by the grace of God.

All of us in this room know there are things we struggle with. All of us in this room realize we need God, and we need Him every day. Because there’s some part of us that’s like old Charles Spurgeon said: “There’s a very hell of corruption that lies within the heart of the best of saints.”

And the truth is, the best saint in this room knows that statement is true. So why are we acting like we’re something we’re not?

I don’t know about you, but I need Jesus every day of my life. I suspect you do, too.

I can’t do this. I’m not unusually gifted.

God called me to do something and gave me a gift to do it, but it’s Him. It’s not me. Are you tracking with me on the deal?

See, we’re all sinners; we need Jesus. You know what church is? I love what somebody defined church as.

I love this definition: Church is where people ought to be able to hurt out loud. And I kind of have a sense here that that would go over here and probably already is occurring here.

When you come and say, “Brother, would you pray for me? I’m struggling with this.

I need some help here. I need somebody to pray for me here.”

Listen, I’m telling you, one young man—that young man who told me he had four months of sustained victory—you know what his secret was? Every time he was tempted to moral failure, if he failed, he had to contact another brother in Christ.

And you know what he thought? “I’m not doing that.”

And he began to see victory he never thought possible. But it didn’t come because of secrecy.

Now, what happens when people have moral failure in their life? They put masks on. There are all kinds of masks people put on.

There’s the perfectionist mask, there’s the comedian mask, there’s the rebel mask—there are so many different masks. But you understand, we’re trying to get people to think we’re something we’re really not. That’s one of the dangers of social media, because you can frame yourself up as somebody that doesn’t really exist.

And I’m going to tell you right now, God resists that. He gives grace when people are honest.

So deception. But the last aspect of deception—and this is the most insidious, and this one is really tough on me—is blame. How many men blame their wives for their pornography problem?

I’m going to say this to everyone in this room: If you’re a man and you have a pornography problem, a moral problem, it’s not your wife’s fault, because God’s grace is sufficient. And although I’m sure there are areas she could grow in, I’m telling you, if you’re blaming her, you’re dead wrong.

How many women, when their husband finally comes clean, blame themselves? Well, the truth is, friends, that’s not where it goes.

Every man in this room needs to take full responsibility for every immoral decision he makes. I don’t care if it’s in your brain or looking at garbage. You need to take full responsibility for what you do, and do not blame the woman at your side.

See? That’s deception. When you do that, you’re playing the deception game and you’re having a co-infection.

And the problem is, you can completely get free from lust, but you’ve still got a propensity to act like you’re something you’re not and to blame people for your own issues.

It’s huge. I’m convinced—I was just talking to a man recently—he said, “I’m convinced the moral impurity issues are the thing that is killing revival in our country.” You know what he was saying?

The moral impurity issue is not just a problem outside these doors. It’s a problem inside our church houses.

We have men that may not be looking, but they’re absolutely defeated right here. And God’s men ought not be defeated.