Ryan Swanson: Hello, and welcome back to the Satisfied Program, here on the Thee Generation Podcast. This is Ryan Swanson once again, and we are continuing our series on emotional purity. Last time, we began kind of a transition from going towards discussing the, if you will, the negative side and how we need to be careful of not getting wrapped up in an emotional relationship before the time comes when that is in bounds within a marital relationship. Then, we went down through a progression of what it would look like to begin compromising in the emotional arena, noticing, appreciating, admiring, pondering, fantasizing, planning, pursuing, initiating, and indulging. We discussed those things. Look back at that last podcast if you haven’t listened to that yet because that is foundational before we make this transition.

Now I know some of you are inevitably thinking, as I mentioned last time, at the end of our discussions thus far, if I never notice a girl, I’m never going to get married. No duh, right? So when does the time come when we can actually start noticing, and what do we do when we start noticing? How does God want to lead us? If He doesn’t want to lead us through our emotions, then how does He want to lead us? Those are the kind of questions we’re going to be answering in the next several months here. But initially, what I actually want to do is tackle some of the misconceptions when it comes to how God wants to lead you. Do you think there’s any misconceptions out there on that issue? I think there’s quite a few, because wherever there are conceptions, whenever there’s ideas on the issue, there’s going to be misconceptions. There’s so many opinions, in other words, that there’s a lot of things to look out for. 

We’re going to start by focusing on one that you just can’t have a discussion on emotional purity without a discussion on this topic. If you were to ask the majority of married men, what was the first thing you noticed about your current wife that led you to her? I think probably the majority would say something about her eyes. Now, when you’re hearing that from Christian men, you’re taking from that inevitably, man, well, God’s gonna lead me through the eyes then —that’s how I need to be looking for the right eyes, eyes that are attractive to me. And, man, when that happens, that clicks, that spark happens at a glance across the room or whatever it is, I’m going to know that that’s who it is because, man, her eyes, they just get me. And we glean that mainly from this idea that so many men have been led to their wives by her eyes. 

Now I could say the same thing. I remember the moment when looking across the room, for a fraction of a second when my eyes first met, Stephanie Van Gelderen at the time, when our eyes first met, I remember that. That was 10 years ago, 10 and a half years ago, and I still remember that very moment. Why is that so powerful? What is it about the eyes? Is it a certain color, a certain size, shape of eyes, what is it? What could possibly be so alluring about these two squishy spheres on the front of your face. Now with my wife, I feel like it’s understandable because my wife has two different color eyes. One is blue, one is greenish. So, I feel like I was at a disadvantage. I mean, come on, that’s not even fair. Of course I’m gonna be struck by those eyes, and of course I’ll remember that moment for the rest of my life, right? So cut me some slack. But come on, the majority of eyes are not that unique that you’d remember that glance that moment for the rest of your life. So what is it actually about the eye? 

By the way, total side note and don’t tell her I told you this but a week from today is my wife’s golden birthday, so ladies, if you’ve got her phone number make a big deal out of it okay it’s on the 27th guess I just told you her age too but yeah text bomber or something a week from today on Saturday, the 27th, but back on topic. and you didn’t hear that from me.

Proverbs 6:25 gives us a little bit more of an insight into the eyes. Could it be possible that you can be led astray by the eyes? Now you’re going to hear many times, like I mentioned, from married men saying that, yeah, it was her eyes that I first noticed about her, but could it be dangerous to be led by a woman’s eyes? Proverbs 6:25 says, “Lust not after her beauty in thine heart, neither let her take thee with her eyelids.” Obviously there’s a way in which a woman can use her eyes to manipulate and coerce and ultimately destroy a man if he allows her to. But again, what kind of eye would do this? I mean, guys, if we’re going to watch out for this, and ladies if you’re wanting to be sure that you aren’t doing this, what is it? Is it a certain eye color, size, or shape? What is it? It’s nothing to do with the physical coloration, size, or anything, any physical characteristic of the eyes. 

Now again, that’s not to say that there couldn’t be something attractive about the actual eyes, especially if they’re two different colors, but this kind of coercion is something much deeper. In order to discover what that is, we’re going to read another couple verses, Matthew 6:22 and 23. “The light of the body is the eye. If therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness.” So, there’s different viewpoints on these verses, and I’ve done a little study and reading the commentaries on it. Some people believe that this is just saying whatever you look at is eventually going to be inside of you. And that the correlation between the eye and the rest of the body — this evil that can overtake your body. But I think there’s also a different aspect involved, and commentators have also made this point. Could it be by the eye being a light of the body, it is a signal of the body? It is a demonstration of what’s on the inside. It can betray what is otherwise hidden. As some have derived from this verse, the eye is a gate into your soul. I like to call it the soul hole. That’s what you can look straight down and tell so much about a person’s soul, just through their eyes. 

Now, I think it’s helpful in understanding how to interpret these verses, to understand the thinking at the time and the correlation between someone’s eyes, someone’s complexion, with what was actually on the inside. You’ve heard the name Hippocrates before. Hippocrates was a Greek physician back several hundred years before the time of Christ, so before this was written, and he and he in his writings — especially the ones on epidemics and certain diseases and characteristics that were common across men and categorizing different characteristics and diseases — these studies have still been the foundation for much of our medicine today. So, let alone in that day. This was a well, well renowned man that was taking the stage and determining the common thought. So in the study of epidemics, here’s one thing he said, “Those with a large head, large black eyes, and a wide snub nose are honest.” Now what in the world could those physical characteristics have to do with someone’s inner characteristic of being honest? Well, maybe he’s taking this to an extreme, but he’s saying there is something about a complexion that betrays the heart — the soul. 

Let’s go a little bit closer to the time of Christ and maybe this will make more sense. Cicero — now we’re within a hundred years of the time of Christ. And Cicero said, “Everything depends on the countenance, while the countenance itself is dominated by the eyes. For delivery is wholly the concern of the feelings, and these are mirrored by the face and expressed by the eyes. What a man sees on the inside, everything rests with the face, and the face in turn is under the power of the eyes, and the eyes are the index of the emotions.” Now get this, where he sums it up, “no one can achieve the same end with eyes closed.” Now in light of that, which is within a hundred years of when Matthew 6 was written, “The light of the body is the eye. If therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness.” The eyes betray so much about what’s actually going on inside of a person. 

Why is it that so many guys would say that the first thing they noticed and appreciated , and were attracted to their spouse, their current spouse, was initially their eyes? Well, I would propose to you, as I know is the case with my wife and I, it wasn’t her eyes. It was what I saw through her eyes that I respected. It doesn’t take much to look into someone’s eyes and see their soul. It betrays what’s going on. And, even though that glance was just a fraction of a second, it was revealing. Now if you don’t believe me about how powerful eyes are and how much can be communicated, think about the amount of times in a day, maybe if you’re in a cafeteria or an auditorium at your church or something, in which maybe you’re just kind of scanning a crowd and your eyes meet with somebody, especially someone of the opposite gender. What do you generally tend to do? Well, you jerk away immediately. You just turn your glance. You’re not gonna hold that for any more than a fraction of a second that it took you to realize that your eyes were meeting. 

So let’s just imagine you held that glance there. Your eyes meet with someone across the room. They can’t even hear you if you tried to speak to them. But, your eyes meet and let’s say you just hold that glance there for several seconds, just a few seconds. Is that gonna mean anything to them? Oh man, if you’re a single guy doing that to a single girl, the amount of things going through her mind, what is he trying to say? Does he like me? What is he looking for? What was he asking for? Am I supposed to say something? Am I supposed to talk to him later? Does he want to meet up? Like all these things can be going through your mind from a simple glance. There’s hardly something you could say in two seconds that would mean as much as just holding that eye contact for two seconds. You can reveal so much more with nothing said just by holding that eye contact. 

Eyes are an extremely powerful thing. And even as Cicero was just saying, there is so much emotion wrapped up in the eyes. He says “the eyes are the index of the emotions.” And Matthew said, your eyes are the light, the signal of everything going on inside you. 

If you’re going to gain control of your emotions; if you’re going to be sure that you are not taken with another young lady, or that you are not trying to attract in the wrong way, young ladies, you’re going to have to be sure that you have control over your eyes. Guard your eyes, men. Now, when I was a kid, I heard that phrase all the time, and it meant that we’re going into a place where there might be some immodesty. But guarding your eyes is more than that. Be careful at the kind of eye contact you are making. 

I remember girls growing up, and even in college that I would not make eye contact with because they were asking for more than I was willing to give. It’s not because their eyes were intrinsically wrong or evil. It was a betrayal of what was happening on the inside and I didn’t want to be a part of it. I wasn’t going to be swept up in it. One clear example with that, I’m thinking of one young lady who I probably avoided the most of anyone, just because of how… I don’t know how to explain it other than just toxic — her eyes were. It was like she was trying to get something from you every time you met eyes — it was scary. I mean, and I wasn’t the only one that noticed it. So she was just someone that I wouldn’t make eye contact with. However, last year I met that same girl again. Now I’m married; years have gone by. And as soon as this young lady, still single, walked into the room where my wife and I were at, we both realized there was something totally different. She came over, had a conversation with us, and I had no problem at all having a conversation with her, with my wife, with eye contact; it was no issue. Something was completely different. And it wasn’t that physically her eyes were any different, it was that her heart was different. Something was different on the inside. I still don’t know exactly what it was. But, I guarantee you if I asked her, she had a come-to-Jesus-moment in the last few years, and she was so much more free on the inside. I could see it just in that conversation. Through…eyes. 

Guys, guard your eyes. But girls, don’t be careless. You’re saying something with your eyes all the time. You need to reserve your innermost self — your soul — to share with Jesus and one man and one man only. And that one man is going to care enough about you where he’s going to wait until you give that to him. He’s not the man that’s trying to steal the glance from across the table. He’s not the man that’s trying to steal your soul from across the room. He’s waiting. So, you wait, too. Guard your eyes and guard your soul. 

Now that’s it for today. If you have any questions on that, feel free to reach out. If you have further thoughts, I’d love to hear what you have to say on this topic of the eyes. satisfied@theegeneration.org. Next time we’ll continue on in our discussion and discuss another misconception when it comes to God’s leadership towards your spouse. How does God want to lead you and how could you be mis-led? But until then, take some time to discuss this with Jesus this week so you can be less gratified and more satisfied with Him.