Ryan Swanson: Welcome to the Satisfied Program here on the Thee Generation Podcast. This is Ryan Swanson, and I’m joined with my wife Stephanie here again as we hear from another young lady and had a testimony come in a couple weeks ago following our last podcast. This was not the young lady that we actually referenced that is going to or planning to give a testimony.

This is someone else that just was listening in to that last podcast and wanted to be a blessing and share her own testimony. It’s a testimony of emotional purity, which is the first testimony we’ve shared on here about emotional purity. So I’m really looking forward to that.

We’ll get to that in just a moment and my wife will read that testimony for us. Before we do that, a couple quick notes on the Chord app. I get people asking me about this quite a bit, which is awesome.

And so just wanted to give you an update on that. We’re gearing up for another build on the Chord app right now as we’ve continued to tweak and hone different aspects of the functionality and added a couple more features along the way in the last couple months. But version 2.0 is on the table right now as we get a quote from the developers on this and then begin the process of moving forward with that.

We’re going to be adding in some functionality specifically for churches. So I’m excited about that and how this will be used in churches and schools. But I’m not going to tell you everything that’s coming with that just a heads up so you can be praying in that way.

As some have asked, there’s a couple different ways you can help right now, one of which would be just to be spreading this and talking about it with anyone that you think the court app could benefit. There’s probably quite a few listening to this podcast that haven’t taken the plunge yet either, and you know this is something that God would have you to do.

So go ahead and download, sign on to the app, and if you don’t have people in your life right now that you feel like would be able to join a group with you and keep you accountable and you keep then accountable, then go ahead and just select the other option on there. And that is for us to pair you up with someone else. The way that process works is we have coaches that are on our team.

And when you say that you need to be placed in a group, you’ll get a call from one of those coaches that will just hear what you want to accomplish through the app. And then they’ll just ask you a couple of questions that will help them place you in a group with other like-minded individuals, Men with men, ladies with ladies, obviously. So that’s how that process works.

We definitely recommend joining with people you know, but it doesn’t hurt. Maybe we put you in a group with one other person to start with, and then you can add somebody later that you know that you want to be a part of that group. So that works fine too.

Don’t delay this at all. If this is something that sounds intriguing to you, and you’ve been craving and needing that kind of accountability in your purity journey, then go ahead and download the Chord app and get started. The other thing I wanted to mention is that January is a very busy month for us for several reasons, one of which is, Lord willing, we’re closing on a house.

My wife and I are. But besides that, actually right before that, I’ll be in Kenya with Dr. Jim Van Gelderen preaching a week of meetings there. It will consist of a purity seminar and then several days of meetings to follow.

So we’d appreciate your prayer for that, but I bring it up because there’s one specific need that has arisen with this. We’d love to be able to offer the app in Kenya, and that’s part of the reason why they’re asking us to come over and present. But there are several hurdles that must be overcome in order to do that, and most of which we have already covered.

The development has been done. There’s several steps in the coding process and recognition of Kenyan phone numbers and things like that that we have to do, and all of that is done. The only thing that’s left is a fee of several hundred dollars that must be paid in order to open that up.

Now, the economic situation is a little bit different in Kenya, so it’s not really an option. We do not want to push that fee or even the monthly, the $5 a month that most people are paying. We want to mitigate that as much as possible on Kenyans because it’s just a completely different economic situation there.

So that being said, if there’s anyone that’s burdened to help mitigate the cost of that on the Kenyan men and women that would like to use this app and you’d like to help sponsor their purity journey in this way with use of the Cord app, then feel free to reach out to me, ryan at thecord.app. or you can just give if you wanted to give something towards it. You could do that on our website, thechord.app.

There’s a button at the top that says give or you can just scroll all the way down on the main page and you’ll see a place where you can do that right from our website. Well, at this point, I’m going to hand it over to my wife with the testimony from today. Like I said, this is from a young lady.

She’s actually married with several kids but has been on a journey in emotional purity.

She’s extremely honest in the testimony and especially towards the beginning, you may be uncomfortable as she explains some of the desires that she’s facing as a married woman, but I’m glad that she felt liberty to do this because then she’s going to turn and unpack and show you step by step the process that she went through to get victory in this area and is still taking steps to stay pure in this area of emotional purity.

So pay close attention as Stephanie reads this through, and then I’ll just have a couple quick remarks as we conclude. I never felt close

Stephanie Swanson: to my father while I was growing up. Although he is close to God now, he wasn’t back then, and because of his serious anger issues, it was emotionally safer to actively avoid him. He was never abusive, just angry all the time.

My lack of respect for him and the void of feeling affirmed and accepted by a father figure set me up for problems, which started pretty early. Men were such a mystery to me, and I remember as early as nine years old craving male attention and having my first crush.

I trusted Christ as my savior around the same time, which is probably the reason I never got into any noticeable external trouble, like looking at anything inappropriate or having any real relationships with any boy. But in my mind, I craved and lusted after basically any attractive male. I was pretty isolated from other young people and never developed healthy relationships with guys or girls.

As a teen, I dedicated my life to God and decided to attend

Ryan Swanson: a Christian college full of attractive young men. I feel like I need to butt in real quick and just clarify to our local constituency of BCM young men that I do not know where this young lady went to college, but it was not Baptist College Ministry. So don’t get too flattered.

Stephanie Swanson: But BCM did have one handsome young man that did come at one point. Really? He’s not there anymore.

Ryan Swanson: Well, thanks. All right, let’s continue on. It blew my mind.

I found myself constantly

Stephanie Swanson: scanning the crowds, hoping to catch one of them looking at me. I only found that they would look away and completely avoid me. I learned to keep my eyes down and act normal around guys, but inside I was still seeking from men the healing and satisfaction that only God could provide.

I knew that I wanted to marry a godly Christian man who would be the true spiritual leader of the family and would never be angry, chaotic, or irrational. I began dating and eventually married a very attractive godly young man who was also very calm, strong, and a silent leader, basically different from my father in every way possible. I felt like I had sealed up and conquered my past and that I would be totally satisfied now.

It actually worked for a little while, but I began to notice, even though I was married, every now and again an attractive man would come along and I would feel the same old feelings of discontent and would be drawn to seek affirmation from him, even while still attracted to my own husband.

I knew I needed to flee youthful lust, so I would dive into scripture, keep my head down, sometimes fail and flirt a little, and then draw back into the safety of scripture. And eventually the feelings would go away, or the person would go away. After a few years, I began to work at a local ministry, which was unrelated to the church we attended.

I feel like God was moving me into a situation where my weakness would be highlighted and dealt with. Right away at my new job, I noticed not just one, but several attractive men with whom I had to talk with several times throughout this workday. The worst part is that one of them clearly noticed me too, although I could tell he was trying not to.

It was thrilling to be at work every day, feeling accepted and affirmed, feeling attractive. However, non-workdays felt miserable. I found myself rehearsing conversations in my mind almost constantly, either old conversations or planning new ones, and replaying in my mind the times I had noticed a side glance in my direction.

I felt such conflicting emotions, elation, then guilt, then craving and boredom, or almost depression. I had heard that people with addictions feel like they have a constant itch that only feels good while being scratched, and it feels completely miserable when ignored, and gets worse and worse the more it’s scratched. It dawned on me one day that I knew how that felt.

I couldn’t believe it and didn’t want to admit it, but it seemed I was experiencing an addiction. Within a few weeks of starting my new job, I knew I needed to take action. I got alone, cried, and prayed, and confessed to God that I was doing wrong by essentially living for these conversations and attention from men.

Immediately, I felt so close to God, like I used to feel most of the time. I had a hunch that it wasn’t the end of the battle, and I was right. I like what Ryan said on a satisfied podcast, and I think it might have been while commenting on Sam’s testimony.

Victories bring a spiritual high, closeness to God, but there’s a lot of daily grind in between. Another victory was hearing and obeying when God told me not to consider the reaction I would get from men at work as I plan my outfits for the day, or how I was going to do my hair. Another victory was telling a friend that I was struggling, and she was so helpful at first.

She took this very seriously and texted me daily, asking how I’d done the previous day. As I began to do better, she texted less often, which actually made it a little harder for me. I finally told my husband, but at first he didn’t take me seriously, because the one young man who was giving me sideways glances was younger than me.

I didn’t feel like I could tell anyone at church because I thought they would be more likely to distance themselves from me, not to mention their husbands, and think much, much less of me. I started praying a lot, listening to good conservative music, studying scriptures, and creating verse lists. I think, to some degree, what pornography is to some people, relationships have been to me.

I took the heart of Job’s statement. I have made a covenant with my eyes. I took it to fit my situation.

I have made a covenant with my mouth. Wherefore should I speak to a man? and decided that I wouldn’t imagine any conversations that would minimize real-life conversations.

I listened to more satisfied podcasts for ideas and was encouraged by Steve’s testimony. Good, conservative, upbeat music helped so much to distract from the itch of wanting to sin in my mind. I found that jogging hard also helped, especially paired with good music.

As long as I was yielding to God step by step, I could hear him giving me more verses to shod my feet with as a preparation of the gospel of peace for the next day. When I actively held on to some wrong thought, I felt so distant from him. The thought of terrible consequences that could occur was enough to keep me from acting on any of my thoughts, but it wasn’t enough to keep me from imagining wrong things.

Only the knowledge of closeness that I could be having with God spurred me on through the daily grind. I kept sensing God telling me over and over, Neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more, and whom I love I scourge, and lay aside every weight and run the race with patience.

I kept asking God to restore my soul from the hurt I felt as a child, and when my mother and father forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. I started using a different desk at work on occasions when I needed to avoid someone, and working quickly and avoiding eye contact as needed. Still, I felt miserable when away from those stimulations.

I knew I was still holding on to lust in my mind. There was still a part of me that liked the addiction, missed it, and screamed at me to reverse direction. Obedience mostly still felt bad.

I doubted that I would ever have the strength to hate it enough to put it down on my own and leave it behind completely. I knew that it’s what I should have done in the first place before I let it go get so big. Or maybe years ago when I first realized I was attracted to men I shouldn’t have been attracted to.

For about a week, I kept praying and asking God to help me just let it go. Finally, I just don’t know how to explain it, but while listening to a church service special music about leaving sin behind, I felt my mind shift, agree with God about my sin, and let it go. Finally, I wanted obedience and not my sin.

I have God’s strength now to obey and actually feel pretty good about it. There was another victory experience, a battle won, but not the end of the war. I think that moving forward, I will probably always walk with a spiritual limp, but now I’m fully aware of where my weakness is, how to prepare every day for a hit, and how not to make any provision for the flesh.

I have found that the pain of this has brought me closer to Jesus than I ever imagined was possible. Those which have been forgiven much, love much. His yoke, obedience, is easy and light, and it prevents the unbearably heavy burden of failure and guilt.

I know I couldn’t go five minutes without his help and guidance, but I also know that with him, I can endure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.

Ryan Swanson: Well, I trust you appreciated as I did the candor and honesty of this young lady that was willing to share this with us. There’s not a lot more that needs to be said, to be honest. She walked through in pretty good detail what the Lord has been doing in her heart.

But I think it’s worth just noting how remarkable it is that the Lord is giving victory at this point in her marriage. This is a young marriage that could have easily ended in disaster because of this area of emotional impurity. And it’s heartbreaking to think of how this could have gone if this young lady was not willing to get serious about her sin and impurity in this way.

To get help in this area. And to stay faithful in the fight, in the journey, to not give up at any point. I was reading today in a book called A Pure Desire by Ted Roberts, and he mentioned that many Christians, when they get right about a purity issue, they expect God to just miraculously take it right away.

And we discussed this a little bit in our last podcast as well, but they’re surprised when he says anything about a purity journey. He goes on to say that he always explains it absolutely is a miracle of the Lord. It has to be a miracle.

But there is a renewing process of your mind that must take place. And if you’re not willing to follow and continue in those steps of trusting Christ through that process, then you’re not going to see full deliverance. You have to be willing to pursue Christ in the process of renewing your mind and be obedient to every step that he lays down in front of you along the way.

As we so clearly saw from this testimony, a lady that did not give up. She was just waiting and looking for that next step and is continuing, as she mentioned, she’s continuing to take steps to stay pure in this area. I’m so thankful God led her to give her testimony on this platform, and I appreciate her candor once again.

If you notice, she also mentioned another testimony that was given, Steve’s testimony, that was a help to her in some way. And it’s just a great example of how your testimony could help other listeners on here. If you’d like to share yours, shoot me an email at ryan at thecord.app.

And if we think it’s something that would be helpful on here, we’ll be happy to share it or share a portion of it here on the podcast. So ryan at thecord.app is my email. Whether it’s just a paragraph or a couple of pages like this one, guy or girl, send those testimonies over.

This has been such an exciting series and I just can’t bear to see it end. So keep those testimonies coming, shoot me an email, and we’ll be happy to receive those. Once again, please be praying for us as we go to Kenya in about a week and a half.

But we’ll talk to you next time as we continue to learn how to be less gratified and more satisfied with Jesus Christ.