Jim Van Gelderen: Welcome to the Thee Generation Podcast. This is Jim Van Gelderen, and I am podcasting from Lewisburg, West Virginia. 

Now, I have been down I-64 before and gone by this town, but we’ve never stopped and done ministry here, so we are looking forward to a great week at Lewisburg Baptist Church. 

And I am podcasting on a Sunday afternoon, and we had a wonderful service here this morning, and we’re certainly encouraged with what the Lord has been doing on The War of Special Forces.

Well, those of you that have been listening to the Thee Generation Podcast know that I’ve been on a series of My Journey, and just giving some personal illustrations out of my own life and just some different things that we’ve dealt with about my growth in my walk with God and ministry. And my burden is that young people listening to this and twenty-somethings would be stirred in their own heart.

There is something about those early days of walking with God. And you look back and realize what God was doing, such remarkable things, sometimes when you didn’t even know it. 

But you know, when you make a determination: “God, I’m gonna follow Your will at all costs.”ーwe do it imperfectlyーI get that. But God graciously does miracles and undertakes for us. 

And you look back and seeーand there’s something, I think I’ve said it before, there’s something that you almost missーit’s nostalgic about those early years, because God was doing so many things. Preparing you, guiding you, leading youーeven when you didn’t know it. And you look back and think, “What a journey!” 

And Iーso I wanna deal with a very important part of the journey for any Christian worker, and that is who God leads them to in marriage. 

I grew up in a good home. My mother came from a tough situation. She was orphaned at nine and her mother died of a brain aneurysm. At 14, her father died of old age. They were 29 years apart. Some of you who have heard me preach have heard me reference that. 

And so, She had a pretty tough life, particularly there in high school with no parents, just an older brother that she lived with, and he wasn’t right with the Lord at the time. Later he got right with God and lived a full life of ministry serving the Lord. His name was Jim Stoutenboroughーused to lead singing at the Bill Rice Ranch. 

But, because she did not have a lot of parental influence in her life, she lived in a wicked town, and thank the Lord for her parents giving her a good foundation on moral purity, but she in that town saw a lot of things going on. 

It was aーjust had a lot of moral problems, and even when she graduated from high school, I think it was herself alone or herself and another were the only virgins left in the senior class. So she certainly saw a lot of wickedness going on around her. 

As a result of that, she was very burdened for her own family, and I know she prayed a lot. So any parents listening to this, my takeaway to you is: Pray particularly for your young people, when it comes to the moral issues, because we certainly live in a terrible day. And although you certainly want to do everything you can, you’re not gonna be able to be with your children 24-7, and prayer is the only way to protect them. 

And I’m convinced that although bad things were around me, particularly when I was in elementary school in Chicago public schools, God protected me. And I can tell you I am so grateful for my mother’s prayersーand I’m sure my father and grandmother as wellーbut my mother was the one that would talk to me about issues.

And from time to time, she would tell me she’s praying for my wife that God would protect her and keep her pure. I didn’t understand all what that meant, but I knew it was good, and I was certainly grateful that my mother had that kind of burden. 

I personally would say that probably I didn’t catch on on those issues for a while, as far as prayer is concerned, but I look back and I’m grateful that my mother obviously understood the importance and prayed a lot. 

My wife will tell you that as she was growing up, she had wonderful parents, but they were still learning and growing, and there were certain things in the churches they were in that they were not really taught strong about certain things you need to be careful of in culture. 

So there were times that my wife could have been in a situation where there’d have been strong temptation, but the Lord protected her, and she has even reminisced about certain times it made no sense, but God protected her. And I know it was my mother’s prayers, praying for her. 

But anyway, that’s how I grew up. And in high school, there was not really any girl that caught my eye. Of course, at that point, I really wasn’t even thinking about a young lady, because I had been taught that you only interact with a young lady when you’re pursuing marriage, and that at that point, you’re just friends with all of them. So that’s kind of my way I did it in high school. 

And certainly thereーwe had a big Christian high schoolーa lot of interaction, guy-girls, but never had anybody that even was remotely I was interested in, that would have been any kind of serious possibility. 

But when I got to college, obviouslyーsometimes people have called the college I went to the Happy Hunting Groundsーbut I got there, really was not highly interested in myself, particularly early on, because I realized: I’m not ready to get married; there’s no need to develop a relationship. 

And I saw other guys get in relationships, and sometimes sidetrack them. Particularly freshmen, sophomores. Some of them got married; some of them dropped out of school, and I’m not saying it was all wrong, but it was not where I was feeling God was leading meーthat I needed to wait. Which I did; I waited pretty much through college. 

Although I had different timesーat that particular school I went to, they emphasized, you know, taking girls to a concert or whatever, or an outing that your society would have, and things like that. And those things I would do, but never really felt like there was any relationship I was burdened to pursue. 

They were sweet girls, but it was just not anything but just spending a little bit of time in some kind of social setting that really did not have any pull to develop any relationship further. 

I pretty much went through college that way, not really looking for someone strongly, and recognizing that I’m certainly wanting God’s will, but I didn’t feel ready or felt like it was the thing I was supposed to do at the moment. 

So I graduated from college, and I went home, and for the summer, then helped my dad out for about nine months. He was in between youth pastors, and I became an interim youth pastor. 

And so I didn’t go back to seminary immediately and get my master’s degree. Of course, I knew ahead of time my dad really wanted me to do that, and I was fine with that, and which I’m now very grateful, working at Baptist College of Ministry from time to time as vice president I really am grateful for the master’s degree, helping me understand education and process and graduate studies, et cetera., understanding the different levels of education, particularly in theology. 

But the end of that semester, getting toward Christmas time, I remember my dad coming to me, and saying, “Jim, I want you to go back and get your master’s, and I want you to find a wife.” And at that point, I knew he was dead serious, and I certainlyーI think God began to kindle in my heart a desire for that. 

I was certainly on the brink of life, and knew I was going to need a life partner. Though at times I wondered if I was supposed to be single. I know that may sound funny, but my dad would say, “‘Jim, not in our day. “‘You’re gonna need to be marriedーin ministry particularly.” I understand that now. But, of course, nobody had struck me in such a way I felt like I wanted to spend my life with them. 

So I ended up that Christmas timeーI remember saying to my mother, “Mom, I wouldn’t be surprised if the girl I’m gonna marry is engaged with somebody else right now.” I think God put that in my heart to prepare me.

And although my wife at that time was not engaged, she had been just a couple of months ahead of that, and the engagement had broken off. And just the Lord just seemed to lead her that this was not the right one, and broke it off. And he has served the Lordーit’s not that he’s a bad guy, it just was not God’s will. And so she broke that off. 

And when I went back to school, I didn’t even know her. But I remember recognizing my dad was serious about this, and I came back to school and asked some of my friends, you know, “Hey, you know, who’s out there? You know, whoーwhat girls are…?” And all of them said, “You need to date Rhonda Cross.”

Of course, at this timeーI know some of you are more familiar with the courtship model at that time. We were certainly growing in our understanding, faith perspective in finding a mateーbut at that time, pretty much just trusting the Lord to lead us in the model that we were in and that school at the time. 

I was pretty much in a culture where you’d “take a young lady on a date and see if she might be God’s will,” et cetera. And so everybody’s saying, “You need to date Rhonda Cross.” And so my sister was on the Dean of Women’s staff and my wife’s brother was on the Dean of Men’s staff, which means they had some interaction. So I asked my sister, “Why don’t you check with Rhonda’s brother and see if she’s available for such and such a time.”

You know, it’s the male egoーdidn’t wanna get turned down. You know how that goes…. Well, maybe you don’t. But anyway, so I got word back that she was available. 

It was actually a Valentine’s banquet, which is kinda ironic considering how things fell out, butーand then they were gonna have some kind of competition or something with some Christian school organization that was there, so there’d be a program after the banquet. 

And so she accepted. All this is by writing notes back and forth, and that’s what they did in the day. No email. No texting, obviously. Just handwritten notes. 

And so the day came, which was February 11th, and it was 1983. And I remember meeting my wife for the first timeーI think I’d seen her around, but I didn’t know her, never had a conversation with her. And it didn’t take me long to realize that I could really communicate with this girl. 

And I remember my brother John saw us, andーevidently we were standing right in a puddle, right in between us, completely oblivious to that. I was having such a good conversation with her, and as the night went on, I began to become more and more aware, this girl could be a serious possibility. 

I was amazed…. She was very articulate; she was easy to talk to; she was certainly smart; she had a heart for God. And I think that’s what hit me. She talked about how God had taught her different things; God had taught me some of the same things, and I thought, “Wow, this is amazing!” 

Well, to be honest with you, by the time that thing was over, I was starstruck. I know not everybody falls hard like that, but I fell hard. I think my parents realized it, because when I called them, I think I was just so much in just amazement of this girl, they realized, “We gotta get down there.” And so my parents made a trip down there. 

By that time, I’d had a few dates with her, and she could tell I had some interest. And obviously, when my parents showed up, she knew I had strong interest. And I think she knew that pretty much from the start… 

But my parents met her, met her parentsーlong story. They were sold and encouraged the relationship, of which I was extremely grateful, and the Lord led us to continue, develop our relationship toward engagement. 

And I was waiting to get permission from my father-in-law. And when he finally gave it, of course, I had the ring ready, and I think that was in November of the same year there, which would have been 1983. And we got engaged, got married in May 25th of 1984. 

And I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this in retrospect, but we went on our honeymoon, and we were back on the roadーor not back on the road, but starting on the road. Three weeks later, beginning The War, and had two young men traveling with us. 

But the one thing it did do, we were immediately in the ministry together, and have now been for 38 years. And I know I’m going a tad longer than I normally do for my podcast, but obviously, this is an important subject. 

But I would say, gang, “That’s so important.” My dad used to sayーpeople come to him and say, “How do you raise good kids?” And he’d say, “You gotta marry the right woman.” And boy, there’s a lot of truth in that, because God knows that’s such an important part of it. 

And I would encourage you young people: Be praying, but trust the Lord and realize God can lead. 

There’s, obviously, different waysーyou know, many times people tell their storyーbut whenever faith’s involved, there’s a similarity in the stories, and the similarity is God. And there’s obviously differences in the story because the differences are us. We’re human beings, and sometimes the way we get to God’s will, there may be different circumstances and how God leads, et cetera. 

But there’s a commonality when people are looking to the Lord, and that commonality is faith. It’s a trust in Jesus to lead and to work through everything. 

And, anybody who’s ever traveled knows how important my wife is to the ministry. She’s good at things I’m not good at, and we complement each other, and she has a heart to study things out.

She’s really got the gift of teaching, I believe. She loves to study, and many of her things she studies, especially last few years particularly when I’ve been on some of these journeys, it’s been so helpful to have resources and different things that have been gleaned by her and to be able to use those in my ministry. 

But over the years, she’s got an attention for details; she’s done finances; and she’s had other things ministry-wise. She loves to counsel. She loves ministryーshe’s all about the ministry. 

And as a result of that, when God gave us children, after eleven years and five miscarriages, my wife just immersed them in life in ministry and a walk with God and taught them how to have time with the Lord and was very purposeful in their upbringing. And I’m so grateful for what she’s done there. 

But probably most of all, she gave them a heart for ministry, and she did it by justーhow do I say this?ーby having a heart for ministry herself. 

And I look back and really believe that’s what was the key of my mother. I remember going outーshe dragged me with her. I shouldn’t say dragged, because that’s kind of negative, but she’d take me with her going soul winning, when I wasーbefore I wasーin kindergarten. And I remember that. She had a heart for souls. 

She’d witness to people; she’d hand them tracts. And I’m convinced that probably one of the things that affected my heart for ministry and evangelism was my mother’s heart for souls. 

I can say the same for my wife. She’s done the very same thing with our daughters, and I’m sure they have and are and will “arise up, [and] call her blessed,”ーbut there’s nothing like God giving you the right one. 

And of course the journey is not over, and I’m looking forward to great years continually ministering with my wife by my side. 

Now, takeaways. Gang, you gotta really pray about this thing. And you cannot let the flesh get in on the deal. See, young men, that’s why it’s important to really, really pursue the issue of purity in your heart and life and not get affected. Because impurity will drive you the wrong direction. It will make things that aren’t important become important. 

And it could be a relationship with a young lady who does not have a heart for God, but because you’ve gotten into the flesh, you’re drawn with a carnality that can blind you to the will of God. 

So it’s important to deal with these purity issues and get in the battle and recognize you’ve gotta grow in your own heart for God. There’s gotta be a journey yourself to walk with God. So that you are really looking to Him to lead you and guide you, and not make a mistake in this most important area. 

And so I wanna encourage every young person out here: When I’m done with the podcast, would you just spend a few moments praying for your future mate? 

Praying that God will lead you, and praying that God will protect them and keep them from scars and things that could hinder in the future. And that if there are things they’ve gone through that God will turn those stumbling blocks into stepping stones. 

And so, but anyway, and if there’s been past failure in your own life, you need to put it under the blood and realize God can take those and make them stepping stones instead of stumbling blocks. 

None of us, obviously, live sinless, so there are issues that we have to recognize, have to be put under the blood and then look to Jesus to take them and make them stepping stones. 

But the point, friends, is a pursuit of God. The most thing you can do to find the right one is to pursue God, and He will lead you if you have a heart to be led. 

And I wanna encourage you, young person, your journey in finding a spouse is critical. I mean, it is one of those things that will greatly affect your life, your future kids, family, et cetera. 

So I trust you’re encouraged. I hope that if you were not able to go to the The Generation Youth Summit, you might listen to some of the messages. There were some wonderful messages up there. I encourage you to do that if you’ve kind of forgotten about it. 

But in the meantime, remember, this is the Christian life: It’s a total surrender of the will of God when it comes to finding a spouse. It’s saying, “God, Your will, not mine.” And then a total dependence on God to lead you and to grace you in that journey to find a wife, which the Bible says, is finding “a good thing”